Game of Thrones: ‘The Wars To Come’ Review

Don’t Stop Believing

Don't Stop Believing

“The freedom to make my own mistakes was all I ever wanted” -Mance Rayder

Spring is here which can only mean one thing…that winter is coming! That’s right, Game of Thrones premiered last night on HBO and, after last season’s crazy finale that saw Tywin Lannister meet his unfortunate demise, there is a lot going on in Westeros. So much so that I don’t even know where to begin. The Wars to Come made for an epic premiere and I think most of the episode was meant to really fill us in on what in the fuck happened last season and where most of these characters are headed.

That said, we have numerous power players looking to make their entry into the game of thrones. Stannis is at the Wall, Dany is in Meereen, young Tommen and Cersei are in King’s Landing, Sansa’s in the Eyrie and who the fuck knows where Arya is since she didn’t make an appearance. Luckily for all of us, things are moving along quickly so let’s check in and see what our most beloved and hated characters are up too for what is sure to be an epic season.

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Game of Thrones Season 5 Trailer

“There’s no justice in this world…not unless we make it. Avenge them!” -Littlefinger

I’m pretty sure I don’t even need words for this one because HOLY SHIT! Is it April yet? Winter is coming so check out the Season 5 trailer below for pure epicness:

And in case you’re wondering who covered David Bowie’s Heroes in the trailer, it’s done by a band called TV On The Radio. I’ve included the track below. Warning: Ear Orgasm may occur.

American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Curtain Call’ Review ‘We Can Be Heroes’

We Can Be Heroes, Just for one day

“You may look like a motion picture dream boat…but you are the biggest freak of them all!” -Desiree Dupree

I’m simply speechless. Last night truly was a curtain call for one of American Horror Story’s main actors and I still don’t know how to feel about it all. The season finale of Freak Show, appropriately titled Curtain Call, was the final act for many of our freaks but also the final act for a mainstay of the anthology series and she will definitely be missed even if I have argued in the past that it’s time for this show to move on with a fresh start.

The finale was also bittersweet for me because it didn’t have the bat shit crazy appeal that we are so used to from the Murder House, Asylum and even Coven days. This was more of a sending off and I was a bit disappointed we also didn’t get any more connections to previous seasons. That said, the finale still had its moments, especially Jessica Lange’s performance of another David Bowie classic. I’ve included the video to the original below as well as one of my fave covers by The Wallflowers so check ’em out and let’s get freaky while we find out who made it out of the Freak Show alive.

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Show Stoppers’ Review ‘Clean Cut’

Clean Cut

“My only sin was loving you.” -Elsa Mars

With only one episode remaining, things were bound to get messy. And they certainly did. I can easily say that last night’s episode, titled Show Stoppers, had some of the most goriest and disturbing death scenes I have ever seen on this show to date. And we got to see the return of an old character with yet another connection to Asylum.

The intro even had me surprised because I honestly didn’t expect it to be that easy but things are moving along nicely leaving the Freak Show troupe to deal with Dandy in our finale next week. I have a bad feeling things may not be ending well for Team Freak but something’s gotta give.

Now get ready for the most fucked up magical show you will ever see…
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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Magical Thinking’ Review ‘Do You Believe In Magic?’

Do You Believe In Magic?

“Dear Diary, I’ve heard Ms. Elsa say on many an occassion that her freaks are the bravest, most honest people on Earth. These last nightmarish months have revealed the powerful, unexpected truth in those words. With every reason to hide themselves away, bitter and self-pitying, they do the opposite. They are in fact the most joyous people on Earth. The reason: they believe in absolute pleasure. The very thing we’ve been taught to deny ourselves our whole lives. ” -Dot

Neil Patrick Harris made his American Horror Story debut on tonight’s episode, titled Magical Thinking, and I welcome him with open arms. And, to make things even more amazing, Jamie Brewer returned to play his ventriloquist dummy come to life! And boy, these two were definitely insane! I had no idea what to expect, how these two were going to be introduced or what was going to happen but I was quite happy with the way it all played out. Plus, Marjorie the doll is absolutely terrifying! Jamie Brewer once again crushed it with a hammer.

Now before we get started, let’s take a look at noteworthy creepy dolls:

So ya, pretty creepy dolls. But mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the creepiest doll of all? Oh right, this one:

Introducing MarjorieThat doll just scares the shit out of me! And the story makes it soooo much worse. Time to do some magic tricks though, and for my first act…

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Orphans’ Review ‘Always One Of A Kind’

The Tragic Tale of Salty and Pepper

“The death of a beloved monster is always a sorrow…but never a surprise. If oddly formed organs or a random physical anomaly doesn’t claim them, then it’s the sheer intensity of their place. A carnies life burns larger and brighter than most. It is bound to extinguish sooner.” -Elsa Mars

Alas, the episode that I have been waiting for. And indeed, it was absolutely brilliant. Further, this ultimately confirms that Asylum was probably one of the best seasons of American Horror Story to date. Pepper, the unspoken, shy character who was always hiding in the background was seemingly a fan favorite from the first second she stepped on the screen in Asylum. And even though she has been mostly in the background in Freak Show, she was the star of this week’s episode, simply titled Orphans.

This episode had it all including some origin stories for some of our favorite freaks. What I liked most, however, was the back story of our beloved Pepper, how she came to Jupiter, Florida with Elsa Mars and how she ended up in Briarcliff in Massachusetts.

And to make things even more amazeballs, our good friend Sister Mary Eunice made her anticipated return. A big Freak Show welcome to Lily Rabe, whom I can only hope is present for Season 5. Still though, Pepper, played by Naomi Grossman, absolutely stole the show and our hearts. With barely a peep, it was truly a remarkable performance that should have people talking for years. Enjoy the review fellow freaks and let us all shed a tear for our sweet Pepper.

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Tupperware Party Massacre’ Review ‘Dandy Land’

Dandy Land

“I cannot begin to tell you how it felt. The kind of control over their lives. Their trust, their fear, their pain, their confusion. I believe I am living my destiny. I am finally happy” -Dandy

Tupperware Party Massacre was all about Dandy and, while it had its fair share of moments, it was not all I had hoped for. Dandy was in the spotlight yet again and with his mother out of the picture you knew things we’re going to get a little weird:

Mother and Avon Lady are the new Bette and Dot

Okay, so maybe A LOT weird. This is AHS after all. The death count was massive in this episode, mainly due to a Tupperware Party gone wrong, but I think the main thing to take away from all of this is that Dandy has clearly come full circle in becoming the psychopath he was born to be. Sure, Twisty was creepy as fuck but Dandy has upped the ante big time. It should be very interesting to see where Dandy’s story ends because after this episode, he’s clearly not going to be easy to stop.

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Blood Bath’ Review ‘Rub A Dub Blood’

Rub A Dub Blood

“Let me tell you something Ladies. That girl, she’s every last one of us. Well I say NO MORE, not in my house!” -Desiree Dupree

Two weeks off and we got a lot of death. Kinda disappointed fellow freaks. Sure two main characters were killed off, but was it really worth it? I don’t think so and Twisty don’t play that. We have five episodes left to make up for this so there’s still hope, but really this episode, while clearly still better than any Walking Dead episode, was not quite what I was expecting. Whatever happened to the fucked up days of Asylum and Murder House.

That said, we had some new butcherings (yup, new word) but I still would have preferred some other characters getting killed off instead of the ones we saw die. Rub-a-dub-dub Dandy in the tub. Enjoy the review!

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One Jurassic Birthday Gift

I couldn’t ask for a better birthday gift in 2015. Yup, the day before my birthday (and the Olsen Twins as well, love sharing a bday with those beauties), one of my favorite all-time movies is back! And it looks JURASICALLY EPIC! Yup, that’s a word now. I’ll never forget when the original movie came out because my young self was eating a Jurassic Park birthday cake. Thanks Mom for the awesome memories, this cake was EPICNESS :) I have a picture of said cake somewhere and once I get my hands on it next month, you can bet your dino claws I’ll be sharing.

If you haven’t seen the trailer, check it out IMMEDIATELY! This has it all…Sea World for F’ING sea dinosaurs that looked like a scene straight out of the Planet Earth series. Only instead of a seal being eaten by a Great White, it’s a Great White being eaten by a MASSIVE WATER BEAST! The letters ZOMFG instantly come to mind. Even the background music reminded me of the original, how could we ever forget this beautiful score:

Also, it looks as though some of our old friends are on the good side this time around. And if you’re disappointed by the fact that none of the old cast was in the trailer, I can guarantee they are going to include someone from the old movies, they just don’t want to give away all their secrets just yet! Jeff Goldblum and Sam Neill anyone?

So get ready because for the next 6 months, I’m on this Dino Train! All I know is that they better not forget about Mr. T-Rex, my personal favorite. So bathe yourself in amber, get a front row seat in the splash zone and remember, if something chases you….RUN!!!!!

Jurassic World hits theaters June 12th, 2015.

American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Test of Strength’ Review ‘Easy Peasy Japanesey’

Easy Peasy Japanesey

“You’re stuck on the rosy notion that the world operates on goodness. Decency. Truth is, all goodness guarantees ya is an early grave. But the biggest joke of all, that’ll sink ya, is hope. Hope that the world will right itself. And that the just will be rewarded and the wicked punished. I don’t want you to buy into that horseshit or you’re dead in the water. The only way to survive in this disgusting and God forsaken world is to take control. Ain’t nobody gonna take care of our people but us. ” -Ethel Darling

The quote above, unfortunately, seems to be true in this world today just as it was back then. Kathy Bates and the writers went all out this episode. Titled Test of Strength, AHS brought some great acting, great writing and great plot twists and was a freakishly huge improvement from last week’s dud.

World's Greatest MomOh and can’t forget that Evan Peters brought Kurt Cobain back from the dead with a great cover of Come As You Are, which I encourage everyone to check out below. Pure awesomeness!

Now let’s get into the beefcakes and potatoes…

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