True Detective: ‘Night Finds You’ Review

A Shot In The Dark

A Shot In The Dark

Seriously? Did that really just happen? Am I dead? Just when I’m thinking this episode was a bit bland for my liking, that ending happens and my mind exploded. First off, let me just say that I’m not happy about it. And second, what in the fuck is going to happen next?

Officially, True Detective is back and while the first two episodes have not been nearly as interesting as last season, things are certainly starting to pick up. We also learned a lot more about Frankie and Caspar the Ghost in Night Finds You and I still cannot get over that ending…definitely didn’t see THAT coming.

So what are you waiting for? Let’s head over to Vinci, where the food is so-so and the pollution is 600% above the national average. Enjoy the recap…

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Under the Dome: ‘Move On / But I’m Not’ Review

Vacation Goo: Insert Dirty Joke Here

Welcome back Domies! Under the Dome has returned for its third season and if you were someone who actually thought this show was going to make it this far, well congratulations. You just won a first round trip to Chester’s Mill where you can hang out with the local dometards and potentially spend some time in the vacation goo pods. In an unbelievable twist though, Season 3 is ACTUALLY here guys, and I am looking forward to recapping every idiotic thing these people do in the coming months.

The first two episodes of Season 3, titled Move On and But I’m Not respectively, has once again rekindled my love for everything stupid and I cannot wait to write sentences that we thought could never possibly exist. That’s right, not only did the Dome seal over an entire town and break the laws of physics, but it also broke the laws of logic, plot and rational thought as well. Besides Linda, did we really think Under the Dome would still be alive and kicking in 2015?

In short, prepare for non-sensical sentences, people making really dumb decisions, terrible quotes and myself who will be there every step of the way pointing and laughing. The premiere had it all…from vacation pods shaped like the female anatomy to Big Jim hitting the bottle big time to people randomly getting killed off. Even a TV got shot! Yup, didn’t make that up. Enjoy the recap!

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True Detective: ‘The Western Book of the Dead’ Season Premiere Review

The Vinci Code

The Vinci Code

True Detective is back for its second season and, after following the story of Rust and Marty last year, it’s time for a complete reboot for Season 2. Welcome to Vinci. New cast, new city and new story and I am thrilled. The one thing that made True Detective so great last year was its picture perfect visuals and being able to turn something simple into something eye-appealing. That has certainly not changed this time around.

One other great thing about this show: its opening intro. It reminds me of The Wire, where every season gets a rebooted intro. Visually though, these intros are phenomenally done so check it out below:

Now grab your best detective hat, raise your glass…

True Detective Toast

…and lets get to work because this mystery is not going to solve itself. Enjoy the recap.

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Game of Thrones: ‘Mother’s Mercy’ Season Finale Review

Snow Angel

Snow Angel

Sansa: “If I am going to die, let it happen while there is still some of me left.”

The season finale of Game of Thrones has come and gone and the Internet is officially broken. Was there really any doubt that shit was going to hit the fan? And now we are left with numerous questions about pretty much every single character in the show. While some of the scenes in the finale, titled Mother’s Mercy, were directly from the books, we also had some interesting twists and turns that left readers of A Song of Ice and Fire scratching their heads. I’m still quite shocked at a number of events that took place in the finale but it certainly did not disappoint in any way.

And this is probably the most devastating and game changing finale we have seen in Game of Thrones history. Characters were killed off left and right and the finale left me wondering if some of these characters are actually dead. I will try to speculate some of my own ideas regarding what is going to happen next season but I think we all just need to take a deep breath right now because everything that happened in this episode has made things in Westeros look very bleak.

Hopefully you have a Valyrian sword by your side for this recap now that all the dragonglass is gone…oh, and some tissues. My recap is below…Enjoy!

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Game of Thrones: ‘The Dance Of Dragons’ Review

Flight of the Dragon

Flight of the Dragon

 

Stannis: “Sometimes a person has to choose. Sometimes the world forces his hand. If a man knows what he is and remains true to himself, the choice is no choice at all. He must fulfill his destiny and become who he is meant to be, however much he must hate it.”

Last week it was all about ice. This week it was all about fire. And just when I think that this episode couldn’t possibly match last week’s horror at Hardhome, especially after its slow start, all hell breaks loose into what may have been the greatest scene in Game of Thrones history. Ya, undead zombies and blue-eyed white walkers are pretty cool, but this is DRAGONS we’re talking about here.

And while the first half of the episode was pretty much a yawnfest, that ending was completely mind blowing. Readers of A Song of Ice and Fire have been waiting for this moment and it certainly did not disappoint. Not only that, this episode also featured one of the saddest things I have ever seen and will forever haunt my memories. Shame on you Stannis Baratheon.

But it’s fight night in Meereen so pour yourself a nice glass of wine (just don’t spill it like Ellaria), grab some honeyed locusts and enjoy the review!

Fight Night

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Game of Thrones: ‘Hardhome’ Review

Hardhome Run

Hardhome Run

Daenerys: “Lannister, Targaryen, Baratheon, Stark, Tyrell. They’re all just spokes on a wheel. This ones on top than that ones on top and on and on it spins, crushing those on the ground.”
Tyrion: It’s a beautiful dream…stopping the wheel. You’re not the first person whose ever dreamt it.
Daenerys: I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel!

Winter is here. Hands down the episode of the season so far, we finally get to see the White Walkers in action and it’s going to be a Long Night in Westeros. I have zero complaints about this episode, it had everything. And I have to say, for whatever reason, I even felt just a little sorry for Cersei Lannister. That is not an easy accomplishment so big congrats to Lena Headey for playing the SHIT out of Cersei, she has done an unbelievable job. Oh, and did I also mention ICE SPIDERS! Ok, so the 8-legged icy freaks didn’t make an actual appearance but at least they were mentioned, sending me hope that we may actually see them in the future.

Further, Tyrion and Daenerys are together at last and it was a sight to behold. There conversation was picture perfect and the Spokes on a Wheel monologue by Daenerys was flawless. Can it really get any better than this with only two episodes to go.

Check your home for ice spiders before reading this recap though. Enjoy!

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Game of Thrones: ‘The Gift’ Review

Let It Snow

Let It Snow

“We march to victory. Or we march to defeat. But we go forward. Only forward.”

-Stannis Baratheon

Wow. That was an epic hour of television. Hell, even Sam and Gilly were entertaining this week and I am thrilled. This weeks episode, The Gift, was all about giving and it absolutely did not disappoint. From Cersei to Tyrion to Stannis to Littlefinger, we definitely had it all this week. Even the lower fighting pits were open for business.

And while many people were providing gifts throughout the episode, I think it is safe to say that Littlefinger and Lancel served us up the biggest gift of all. So take me to Church and let’s get right into the review! AMEN! Enjoy.

Gift of the Gods

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Game of Thrones: ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’ Review

The Sun And The Spear

The Sun And The Spear

Sand Snakes: “Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken. For Oberyn.”

Finally Dorne takes center stage in Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken, the 6th episode in Game of Thrones fifth season. The title also happens to be the words of Dorne so it was only fitting, and overdue, that we finally get to see what the Martell’s and Oberyn’s bastard daughters were getting up to.

At this point, there is soooo much going on that it seems like barely anything happens each episode and I was a bit disappointed with how this all played out. Sansa’s wedding was supposed to be a big deal but lets be honest here…what a letdown. The events in King’s Landing, however, were much more entertaining and was easily the highlight of the episode.

So grab yourself some Dornish wine, it’s some of the best Westeros has to offer, and enjoy the review!

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Game of Thrones: ‘Kill The Boy’ Review

Double Dragon

Double Dragon

Jorah: “A city of a thousand years. And all that men had learned, the Doom consumed it all alike. And neither of them turned.”

After last week’s shocking ending, it appears the show is completely changing up the stories from A Song of Ice and Fire. And if you haven’t read the books, I highly encourage you to jump on that bandwagon because there is even more going on. Some of the new stories, such as Sansa and Ramsay’s wedding, are more than welcome. But others, like Barristan’s death and Jorah filling the role of a completely different character, may hurt more than help.

Kill The Boy was one epic hour of television though and finally we got to see the ruins of old Valyria and the Stone Men that the series has been hinting at all season. Even the ending was a bit of a surprise to me although I had a feeling this is the route they were going to go with Jorah Mormont. The question now is: what does his Greyscale going to mean for Dany and the rest of her crew?

Enjoy the review!

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Game of Thrones: ‘Sons Of The Harpy’ Review

Sparrows and Snakes and Harpies…Oh My!

Sparrows and Snakes and Harpies Oh My!

Melisandre: “The dead don’t need lovers. Only the living.”
Jon Snow: “I know…but I still love her.”
Melisandre: “You know nothing, Jon Snow.”

What. The. Fuck. Show! I am literally speechless, dumbfounded and devastated. The fates of two of my favorite characters in Meereen are up in the air right now and it was absolutely nerve wracking watching it all play out! I mean, can the show really kill off one of the most loyal and noble warriors in the 7 kingdoms!?!

I will say this though, Sons of the Harpy was an absolutely fantastic and epic episode. The fight scene at the end was brilliantly done. Not only that, we get our first real glimpse at Dorne and it was spectacular. I already have a heart on for the Sand Sisters and I can only imagine what is in store for Myrcella and the Lannisters now that Dorne is slowly making their way into the mix. Not to mention the Sparrow uprising in King’s Landing which is going to have major consequences for many characters. And Dorne makes its first appearance in the title sequence!

Dorne

Now move your body like a snake and enjoy the review!
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