American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Blood Bath’ Review ‘Rub A Dub Blood’

Rub A Dub Blood

“Let me tell you something Ladies. That girl, she’s every last one of us. Well I say NO MORE, not in my house!” -Desiree Dupree

Two weeks off and we got a lot of death. Kinda disappointed fellow freaks. Sure two main characters were killed off, but was it really worth it? I don’t think so and Twisty don’t play that. We have five episodes left to make up for this so there’s still hope, but really this episode, while clearly still better than any Walking Dead episode, was not quite what I was expecting. Whatever happened to the fucked up days of Asylum and Murder House.

That said, we had some new butcherings (yup, new word) but I still would have preferred some other characters getting killed off instead of the ones we saw die. Rub-a-dub-dub Dandy in the tub. Enjoy the review!

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One Jurassic Birthday Gift

I couldn’t ask for a better birthday gift in 2015. Yup, the day before my birthday (and the Olsen Twins as well, love sharing a bday with those beauties), one of my favorite all-time movies is back! And it looks JURASICALLY EPIC! Yup, that’s a word now. I’ll never forget when the original movie came out because my young self was eating a Jurassic Park birthday cake. Thanks Mom for the awesome memories, this cake was EPICNESS :) I have a picture of said cake somewhere and once I get my hands on it next month, you can bet your dino claws I’ll be sharing.

If you haven’t seen the trailer, check it out IMMEDIATELY! This has it all…Sea World for F’ING sea dinosaurs that looked like a scene straight out of the Planet Earth series. Only instead of a seal being eaten by a Great White, it’s a Great White being eaten by a MASSIVE WATER BEAST! The letters ZOMFG instantly come to mind. Even the background music reminded me of the original, how could we ever forget this beautiful score:

Also, it looks as though some of our old friends are on the good side this time around. And if you’re disappointed by the fact that none of the old cast was in the trailer, I can guarantee they are going to include someone from the old movies, they just don’t want to give away all their secrets just yet! Jeff Goldblum and Sam Neill anyone?

So get ready because for the next 6 months, I’m on this Dino Train! All I know is that they better not forget about Mr. T-Rex, my personal favorite. So bathe yourself in amber, get a front row seat in the splash zone and remember, if something chases you….RUN!!!!!

Jurassic World hits theaters June 12th, 2015.

American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Test of Strength’ Review ‘Easy Peasy Japanesey’

Easy Peasy Japanesey

“You’re stuck on the rosy notion that the world operates on goodness. Decency. Truth is, all goodness guarantees ya is an early grave. But the biggest joke of all, that’ll sink ya, is hope. Hope that the world will right itself. And that the just will be rewarded and the wicked punished. I don’t want you to buy into that horseshit or you’re dead in the water. The only way to survive in this disgusting and God forsaken world is to take control. Ain’t nobody gonna take care of our people but us. ” -Ethel Darling

The quote above, unfortunately, seems to be true in this world today just as it was back then. Kathy Bates and the writers went all out this episode. Titled Test of Strength, AHS brought some great acting, great writing and great plot twists and was a freakishly huge improvement from last week’s dud.

World's Greatest MomOh and can’t forget that Evan Peters brought Kurt Cobain back from the dead with a great cover of Come As You Are, which I encourage everyone to check out below. Pure awesomeness!

Now let’s get into the beefcakes and potatoes…

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Bullseye’ Review ‘Seal The Deal’

Seal the Deal

“Fate. Destiny. Luck. The presence of men. People pass the time, enjoying the choices life provides. Coffee or tea. Right or left. As if it matters. We’re all just spinning on the wheel.” -Elsa Mars

Things got a little interesting and a little less interesting last night on American Horror Story. Bullseye brought us more tragedy but it was also clearly a filler episode. Elsa Mars and Dandy stole the show yet again. I mean, the opening quote was absolutely brilliant and Dandy even got to take a peek Under the Dome!

Under the DomeFinn Wittrock and Jessica Lange continue their dominating performances and we actually got to see some interactions between Dandy, Bette and Dot. And thank GOD Ma Petite is okay :) PHEW! Sadly though, ever since they killed off Twisty, the episodes got a lil’ more boring. BRING BACK THE CLOWN!

Ah and of course, had to add a little music from the episode, just push play to hear September Song by Walter Huston, a 1938 classic!

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Pink Cupcakes’ Review ‘Sweets, Freaks and Meeps’

sweets-freaks-and-geeks

“I would never participate in what I consider to be the death of art and civilization” -Elsa Mars

What in the fuck show. Seriously. No more gruesome murder scenes please. I will clearly be having nightmares tonight after this. But hey, I guess we all knew what we were getting into. This is AHS after all. I will say this though, there are mad rumors about a top hat on a mug that is supposedly a major clue for next season. Me thinks this can only mean one thing: MAGIC! Harry Houdini, anyone? I have this strange feeling magicians will be taking center stage next season which would be pretty damn SICK!

Back to last night’s episode, titled Pink Cupcakes, we delve more into the mind of a psycho killer, Elsa gets boo’d off stage and Dot and Bette died…in a dream sequence, lol. Like they’d kill off Sarah Paulson that early, nice try show!

Sorry for the delay, it has been a crazy week for me, I’m living out of my suitcase in a travelling freak show these days and man, it’s fun! :) So without further adieu, enjoy the review!

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Edward Mordrake Pt. 2′ Review ‘Class Clown’

Class Clown

“I had an idea. I would turn the garbage…into Gold. Like Rumpelstiltskin” -Twisty the Clown

Well folks, that was something else. We just witnessed one of the BEST episodes of American Horror Story I have ever seen. How does this show make you feel sorry for a crazy, psychotic murdering clown with no mouth, I will never know. But they did it. Look no further than Twitter last night as we all watched in disbelief:

So in less than an hour we went from being absolutely terrified of Twisty to feeling sorry for him! Collective GROUP HUG everyone!

Oh, and if you have been hiding out in Twisty’s neck of the woods this whole time, I should also mention that THESE TWO ARE JOINING THE FREAK SHOW! Click the image if you want to read more.

Pure sexy right there. Neil Patrick Harris aka Barney aka Doogie Howser M.D. and his real-life boyfriend, David Burtka, on American Horror Story: Freak Show. Life is complete. Now on with the show!

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Edward Mordrake Pt. 1′ Review ‘Trick or Two-Face?’

Crystal Baller

“It’s your song, Elsa, and it’s the most heartbreaking music I’ve ever heard. They’re cheering now, the applause sounds like thunder” -Maggie Esmeralda

Last night’s episode of American Horror Story, simply titled Edward Mordrake Pt. 1, kicked off our annual two-parter episode last night and it didn’t disappoint. That said, did anyone else get the sense that the show took a step back to set up some characters and stories? I wanted more Twisty!!! Still though, a filler episode of AHS is still way better than mostly everything on television.

We had three more characters enter the mix this week with Maggie Esmeralda (played by Emma Roberts), Stanley (played by Denis O’Hare) and, of course, the two-faced man Edward Mordrake who is based on a real person (and he’s played by Wes Bentley).

Also, more of these two:

Amazon Eve and Ma Petite

BOO!So adorable. At least we do get some CUTE with all the BAT SHIT CRAZY! Without further delay though, enjoy the review!

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Massacres and Matinees’ Review ‘Feelin’ Like A Criminal’

It's A Jungle In Here AHS FreakShow

Elsa Mars: “So what does that make you?” Dell Toledo: “The Happiest Man on Earth.”

Holy crap AHS! Not to be outdone by last week’s premiere, American Horror Story’s Freak Show decided to dive head first into Twisty’s sick mind. Amazon Eve’s look says it all. I need a cigarette too. Like MEOW! Plus we got the brand new addition of two awesome new characters, those being Dell Toledo (played by Michael Chiklis) and my already personal fave Desiree Dupree (played by the Voodoo Queen herself, Angela Bassett). Shall we all let out a collective SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT! Here she is in all her hermaphrodite(y) glory:

Cus three titties are better than three heads. Desiree DupreeHow do you like dem apples melons? Three boobs, proper girl parts and a ding-a-ling!!! I mean can this show get any better??? I think not. For your listening pleasure, I’ve included one of my personal favorite bands Silverchair and, even though it wasn’t in the episode, it only seemed appropriate. So I dedicate this to Tri-Boob and the rest of you freaks…body and soul ;) Enjoy the jam and the review and don’t forget the music section for some AMAZEBALLS!

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American Horror Story: Freakshow ‘Monsters Among Us’ Review ‘Freakishly Beautiful’

"Pennywise is my bitch."

“Life…is to be lived” -Elsa Mars

IT”S BACK! And better then FREAKING ever. From Twisty the clown, to Pepper’s return, to the World’s Smallest (and cutest) woman…this cast of characters is about to change the game. Oh, and BETTE & DOT! The Tattler Sisters are the headline in the Freak Show and they are the headline period. Just to put it all in perspective, two completely different characters on one body and they do this:

Bette and Dot have a smoke.Between The Leftovers and the Guilty Remnant and now a two-headed Sarah Paulson, not to mention Jessica Lange in Coven during her Witch burning days….smoking is officially COOL again. The premiere got us started off nicely and we haven’t even seen Angela Bassett, Michael Chiklis, Emma Roberts and Denis O’Hare yet but it was a PERFECT introduction to the Freak Show and to most of the characters.

I get the feeling some of the performers are about to be murdered by a clown. And I didn’t sleep much last night because Twisty is fucking TERRIFYING and possibly living in my closet :( Watching with the lights ON from meow on, but you can read this review with the lights out! Make sure to check out the Music section towards the bottom of the post, as I posted all the good tunes from the Premiere! Just another element that makes this show SO GOOD! And for further listening enjoyment, Missy Elliott’s Get Ur Freak On is only a click away. Clearly an appropriate song choice. Enjoy, fellow freaks.

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Freaks They Are Not…American Horror Story Does Some Amazing Interviews With These Soon-To-Be STARS (UPDATED)

 “People stare at something they don’t understand. Because we’re different doesn’t mean we’re entirely different, we’re just like you, we just come in different forms” -Rose Siggins

First, a little Live because this was the first song that came to my mind when AHS announced it was going to the Freak Show. But, I must say, none of these people are actually freaks! They are simply AMAZEBALLS!

Ryan Murphy…you are a GENIUS. Not only have you put together one of the BEST shows of all time, but you now have made seemingly normal people (that unfortunately are not seen that way by the majority of the public) into celebrities. I am thrilled that these individuals have been given this opportunity to tell their story because I have simply been BLOWN AWAY! These people have been through it all and we need to collectively shut our mouths up with all of our 1st world and white girl problems! These guys are the epitome of positivity and awesomeness and I believe they have no idea…YET…that they are about to be ridiculously famous.

Enjoy…interviews from some of the new cast for this season of AHS: Freak Show…a MUST-SEE!

Rose Siggins (playing Legless Suzy)

Mat Fraser (playing Paul the Illustrated Seal):

Erika Ervin (playing Amazon Eve)

Jyoti Amge (playing Ma Petite)

The premiere of American Horror Story: Freakshow begins tonight at 10PM/EST on FX. Make sure you have a fresh stash of Cotton Candy and Candy Apples for the 90-minute premiere tonight. Tonight we all get murdered by Twisty the Clown. Review, with screencaps, up tomorrow. Now, go Get Your FREAK On!

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