American Crime Story: ‘A Jury In Jail’ Review

American Crime Story 'All Aboard The Crazy Train'

“Toughen up Cochran. This is a smoker’s lounge…daycare’s on the first floor.” -Marcia Clark 

American Crime Story got up close and personal with the members of the jury for ‘A Jury In Jail’ and most of them were completely bat shit crazy. Once again, ACS brought us a completely new perspective, this time it was the jury taking center stage. Unbelievably, TEN jurors were dismissed during the case, including one who completely lost her shit during lunch. I now know where the phrase ‘The Jury Is Out To Lunch’ came from. If you guessed this trial, you would be absolutely 100% correct!

The other really interesting aspect of the episode involved the DNA evidence which was presented by Dr. Fung and, regardless of how this evidence was handled, I think it’s safe to say that OJ committed these murders. There is no fucking way the LAPD planted his blood all over the place in order to frame him. Simply put, either OJ murdered Nicole and Ron or the LAPD framed him and I think we can all agree he wasn’t framed.

After seeing this jury though I think I can understand why they reached the verdict they did. It’s simply because these people were absolute lunatics. Period. If only they could have picked a somewhat intelligent group of people because I think the outcome could have been a lot different.

Now let’s all head to the smoker’s lounge unless, of course, you prefer the daycare on the first floor. Enjoy the review, fellow OJ fans!

Jury Shenanigans

We catch up with the jury who is super pissed about the fact that they’ve been holed up for 8 months. It’s amazing how quickly these jurors changed their tune about the whole jury duty thing. Last time we checked, they all seemed very excited to be part of this insanely epic trial. Does this dude look upset? I think not.

Juror jumpin' on the bed

Of course, this all immediately changes when we find out there are rules. No television…umm, not happenin’! Obviously, this would not have been a fun time. Hanging out with a bunch of strangers that you may or may not get along with for 8 months is just like playing Big Brother without the cash prize. I’ll take a pass and so should you.

The jury is busy arguing over what TV show they want to watch and the choice should be obvious:

"We'll be watching Seinfeld."

It’s also clear that I’m white, since I’m totally on the Seinfeld side of this argument. Interestingly, I immediately noticed that the black jurors all wanted to watch Martin over Seinfeld. And here I thought there wasn’t a single person that didn’t love Seinfeld as much as I do. Admittedly, this took me by surprise but it was a pretty neat scene to slip into the episode and really makes you think more about how race became such a big factor in the trial.

Somehow, Martin wins and if I’m in the jury, I’m about as thrilled as this guy:

Old guy unimpressed with Martin

The only thing that could have made this scene better is if the random Seinfeld music started playing as this old guy stared blankly in disappointment. Boy, do I ever miss that show!

One of the jurors ends up getting called in for a brief meeting with Judge Ito and he’s definitely being dismissed after it’s revealed that he was arrested for kidnapping. I have no clue why this guy was so set on staying but at least we got to see him try to explain himself to the judge in hilarious fashion:

"You know how ladies can get."

So long, Juror 620. It was a delight to watch the jury bicker with one another throughout this episode. I definitely wasn’t expecting American Crime Story to go into this much detail about the jurors but it definitely provided a completely different perspective of the trial. Plus, I didn’t even realize just how many jurors had been dismissed during the trial…yup, spoiler alert, Knox wasn’t the only one whose jury days were over.

Another One Bites The Dust

The defense team is celebrating after the glove incident in court and who can blame them. This was literally the biggest moment of the trial and the defense knows they might be getting closer to an acquittal. Gil Garcetti, however, is royally pissed about this major fuck up by the prosecution. Luckily, it’s time for the DNA evidence and I can’t stop laughing at OJ’s reaction because he obviously doesn’t understand how damaging this evidence is going to be.

"I got NOTHING!"

I will match your 5 green skittles and raise you 15 red ones, OJ! Now, I’m no scientist but it remains clear that the blood from the scene of the murders MATCHED OJ SIMPSON. It also matched the blood found in the Bronco, the blood on the sock at the foot of OJ’s bed and the blood on the gate found on Bundy Drive. I should also mention that the blood has a particular set of characteristics that could only occur in 1 in 170 million individuals.  Not so funny now, eh OJ.

We know that OJ’s blood was found in the Bronco because of this DNA evidence and OJ appears to be fucked. In fact, after hearing all of this DNA evidence, I have no idea how this idiot jury could possibly reach a not guilty verdict. Oh wait,that’s right…Barry Scheck had to complicate things.

Scheck-nology

Scheck attempts to rip apart the DNA evidence by suggesting that 1/4 of the blood collected from OJ is missing and that there could have been numerous reasons the blood was present in all of the locations it was found. Scheck even had Mr. Fung pretty much admit that he fucked up the whole procedure and things got super weird when Mr. Fung proceeds to shake everyone’s hand after testifying, including the defense. What in the fuck! By the way, this actually happened at the trial and yes, the prosecution was not happy about it in real life either.

One of my favorite scenes from the episode involved Marcia Clark with Folk Implosion’s Natural One setting the mood in the background. I love the song selection and you should definitely hit play and jam out:

Marcia is obviously pissed over Fung’s testimony after Scheck destroyed him on the stand but at least there was a glimmer of hope when juror #462 is also dismissed. And while Bailey might think that rape can’t exist if you’re married in 1988, I think we all share Marcia’s reaction.

You just said that...out loud

It’s hard to believe that the DA and the defense were playing a chess match with the jurors behind the scenes and it was strictly about race. The prosecution is more than happy to get as many black jurors removed as possible and I can’t even believe this is what it has come to considering there is a man being accused of murdering two innocent victims. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again…this trial was literally made for TV.

Juror 462 is ultimately replaced by a white juror and Marcia is pretty damn happy about the whole thing. Even better was the fact that she’s throwin’ disses Johnny’s way after it all goes down. Yup, Cochran totally got owned.

“Toughen up, Cochran. This is a smoker’s lounge... daycare’s on the first floor.”

And so did a lot of these jurors who were dropping like flies for all sorts of reasons. One of them was planning to write a book and was taking notes on the juror’s conjugal visits and another one had actually met OJ at a local Hertz. Did all of these jurors really get dismissed during the trial because I did NOT see this coming. At least it made for a scene of epic proportions with juror after juror biting the dust!

I really don’t think they could have picked a more appropriate song. Plus, Queen totally rocks. Good job, show!

The jury is down to only FOUR alternates and it’s becoming obvious that due to the popularity of the case, the jurors seem to be more interested in making book deals than the case itself. It was all surreal and very accurate considering that 10 jurors were, in fact, dismissed. Judge Ito finally loses his shit and decides to get to the bottom of this epic wave of dismissals. Instead, shit just kept getting weirder and weirder.

One Way Ticket To Crazy Town

Judge Ito is losing complete control and the jurors decide they have had enough. Just like my high school days, it’s time to skip out on court and that was exactly what the entire jury does. Ito is livid and threatens to throw the entire jury in contempt so instead, they decide to dress up like the Men in Black.

Fight the Power

Just when you think this can’t get any more bizarre…this happens. I’m actually in shock about this entire jury situation and all of this already happened 22 years ago. Un-fucking-believable.

Think that’s it for the craziness? Well you would be absolutely incorrect because even more crazy shit happens when this juror literally loses her mind during lunch:

Jury Duty be like...

Hun, this isn’t American Horror Story! What you be screamin’ at?! This chick has lost her fucking mind and it’s official, this is the craziest, and dumbest, jury I have ever seen. They could have probably written an entire series about this jury alone and it has me thinking that might be a great idea for a new comedy! Royalties, please!

OJ is getting nervous after the jury’s latest trip to crazy town. There is talk about a mistrial which would have been one of the worst possible outcomes for OJ and his defense team. Bailey said it best…there is so way they will win if it comes to that. Cochran decides that he should probably make nice with the prosecution but first, a quote from Johnny that had me in hysterics:

“I hear you take your coffee black.”

There are so many hidden meanings with this line, I don’t even know where to begin. While Johnny seems to be playing it cool, things are not the same for Kardashian who is in tears over the entire situation. Obviously, I do not envy this man. He’s been OJ’s good friend for over 20 years and now he’s stuck in a situation that would guarantee OJ’s conviction if he walked away. It would be an unbelievably tough spot to be in. Unfortunately, even though Robert has his children’s best interests in mind, they obviously learned absolutely nothing from all of this since, well, they’re the Kardashians.

And how about that cliffhanger ending? I just knew it was only a matter of time before Fuhrman’s testimony was going to come back and bite him in the ass. Plus, he’s totally a Nazi, right?

Tape Recordings, Fuhrman's Own Voice, Frame Niggers

It is not going to be a good day for the DA when this is finally brought to the jury’s attention. That is, if there is still a jury left.

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY LIKES THIS JURY
Mikey Likes It

A totally awesome episode! I was thrilled to see the series take another twist and focus almost entirely on the jury from the OJ trial. As it turns out, this group of people should have been on American Horror Story because they are all bat shit crazy. I mean, TEN jurors were dismissed for varying reasons, half the jury decided to wear black for some f’ed up reason and one juror even decided to practice hurdles during lunch. It was so surreal and bizarre and I still can’t believe this all went down in real life.

For me, Courtney Vance and Sarah Paulson have been the super stars of this series and I have loved watching this battle of wits between Johnny and Marcia. Plus, they keep coming up with the best one-line insults. Keep ’em coming, show! This has been one epic chess match and, even though race has played a major role in the trial, it’s been fun watching these two try to one-up each other to win their respective cases.

I think if the series was too focused on the trial itself it could have potentially bored a lot of us. I’ve been impressed with how they have told the story so far, not that it’s that hard considering just how much crazy shit went down. Still, the writers have provided a unique way of showing us the trial of the century and I once again found myself absorbing a whole slew of new information, this time from the jury’s point of view.

With only two episodes remaining, our verdict looms. Obviously we all know the outcome but if the last two episodes are anywhere near as entertaining as the first eight, we’re all in for a treat.

So what did everyone think of ‘A Jury In Jail’? Are you jumping on the bed with joy about the prospect of being a juror someday? Or are you making a beeline for the exit and never stepping in a courtroom again? Let us know your thoughts and theories in the comments and thanks for reading, fellow crime enthusiasts!

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