American Crime Story: ‘The Dream Team’ Review

American Crime Story 'The Pro Bowl'

“He obviously did it.” -Marcia Clark

If lawyers were players in a sport like football, than OJ’s team of lawyers are definitely going to the pro bowl. American Crime Story brought us The Dream Team and introduced us to pretty much every lawyer involved in the case. This whole trial is going to be a chess match of ridiculousness and I cannot wait for this shit to get started! Hell, we still haven’t been introduced to Judge Ito yet. Luckily for all of us, Kato made a brief appearance in The Dream Team but unluckily for all of us, so did the Kardashian spawn for absolutely no good reason whatsoever. I think it’s safe to say that this could have been left out.

The Dream Team was all about lawyering up and for OJ, it wasn’t that hard since he’s got a ton of cash money at his disposal. We were introduced to some of the big names forming the dream team and Johnnie Cochran finally came around as expected but this episode was more about setting things up, especially with their ‘race card’ defense. If OJ really thought he was going to get out of this simply because he’s OJ, well then….he’s an idiot.

For whatever reason I felt as though this episode was lacking more than the previous two but I guess this should be expected with all the real action happening in the white Bronco. This trial, however, is going to be epic. There were a tremendous amount of iconic moments as this case played out every single day for what seemed like an eternity until a verdict was finally reached. It should be interesting to see what pieces of evidence the writers focus on. I’m also looking forward to more Kato on the stand. Laughter will ensue.

So let’s get ready to lawyer up but remember it’s going to cost ya. Enjoy the review, fellow crime enthusiasts.

Recruiting Season

The Dream Team started us off with those annoying Kardashian kids hangin’ with dad and it remains clear that these children serve no purpose but to be ridiculed by us–the judgmental viewer! Kardashian is now a well-known celebrity due to being ‘The OJ Guy’ and the entire Kardashian brood gets to pick any table they want. I guess being friend’s with a celebrity murderer totally has its perks. Except for the fact that no one seems to get the name right:

“OMG! You’re Richard Kordovian!”

It’s absolutely nuts that all of these celebrities were involved in this case and we even got a reference to Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner. Personally, I could go without all of this Kardashian nonsense but I guess we’re not going to have much of a choice since Robert and OJ were totally BFFs.

It’s time for another press conference, obviously, but this time it’s Marcia Clark with that fantastic ’90s perm. She announces OJ’s charges and hints at the fact that they might be seeking the death penalty. It’s clearly not a good time to be OJ Simpson but if he did commit these murders, and I think we’re all pretty certain that he did, than no one should feel sorry for him. Murder is totally not cool, especially if you’re a celebrity. Talk about a bad idea…to give up all that fame and fortune for a prison cell. Of course, you could also sell your soul and go to law school just like Shapiro did.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit!

Yup, he’s definitely not having a good day which, as a former lawyer, I can confirm that most days totally suck balls in the legal world. It’s time to talk legal strategy, one of the most boring things you could ever imagine, and Shapiro obviously realizes that he’s going to need some help given all of the evidence that is stacked against OJ. It didn’t help that Shapiro was watching CNN where Alan Dershowitz it totally ripping on his lawyering ability. Luckily Shapiro decides if you can’t beat ’em, have ’em join you. Let recruiting season begin!

Shapiro and Kardashian meet with Dershowitz who introduced us to Barry Scheck, the best DNA mind in the business and Pat McKenna, the lead investigator who can go down and dirty if need be. It also probably helps to have lots and lots of money in order to put together a dream team of lawyers and experts to save OJ from being convicted of double homicide. Get out your wallet.

Alan Dershowitz: “Time is short so let’s get to your biggest obstacle, the overwhelming physical evidence.”

Luckily for OJ, his celebrity status should provide him with enough funding to hire this insanely stacked team of lawyers. This is the very example of what David vs. Goliath looks like. And sorry to say Marcia, but you are not Goliath in this story. More like a losing version of David.

So apparently the plan is to question every single piece of evidence the DA throws at them. It also helps that they have a nerd science guy on their team too. But there is still one person missing, that being the Senior OJ Analyst, Johnnie Cochran. He seems to be very certain that OJ is going to lose but we all know he’s about to get an offer from the Dream Team to join them in their battle to defend a clearly guilty celebrity. Game on, mother fuckers!

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