American Horror Story: Coven ‘The Sacred Taking’ Review

Head Games

WHOA! OK, so last night’s episode of American Horror Story, titled “The Sacred Taking” was pretty f’ing awesome! Even if no one can die on this show due to the fact that our Hippy Witch has brought back almost every single person who has died up to this point. Now, normally this would be a problem on any other show, but for whatever reason, when someone is resurrected on this show, I get extremely curious and last night was no exception.

Myrtle Snow finally made her return as well after her extended stay at Misty’s Spa. And now all of our Witches are finally together chillin’ at the Academy minus Queenie. And hell ya, we even got a little shout-out to one my favorite horror/suspense movies Se7en at the very end of the episode!

Another quick note before I get to the review. Another classic ’60’s song from Madison’s awesome confrontation with Fiona.. ‘Season of the Witch’ by Donovan. It really is an amazing jam so check it out:

Now my review…

Will The Real Supreme Please Stand Up?

Mirror Mirror

With Fiona, AHS has explored the theme of youth/power and what losing it can do to some people. In other words, Fiona is slowly losing her shit– she simply can’t stand the fact that her reign as Supreme is over. I’m not really sure how she is going to get herself out of this situation though– she is slowly dying after all. So after a brief cuddle chat with the Axeman, we discover that Fiona is definitely going after one of the Witches at the Coven– the question is, which one?

With Delia knowing about her mother’s crimes, she finally decides to take some action and hatches an intricate plan, Ocean’s 11 style, with Zoe, Nan and Madison but not before they are interrupted by Misty, who is apparently in crisis mode. Being the Hippy Witch that she is, she needs a place to crash but luckily for her she had some pretty good reasons for getting the hell out of the swamp.

So we have a quick flashback to the swamp where we find Misty in bed and she is awoken by…

MYRTLE! And does she ever look bad ass after being buried in the dirt. And luckily for Misty, Myrtle instantly warns her about the “assassin” snooping around her swamp since, ya know, he was all walking on Myrtle’s face and all.

So with this new info, Misty gets the hell out of the swamp! And Hank the Witch Hunter storms in only to find an empty cabin! It’s just not your day Hanky Panky! And believe me, he’s going to have more trouble with his accuracy before this episode is over.

After telling her story, Delia walks in and uses her power in order to avoid 5 minutes of introductions. And just for old times sake, Misty brought an old friend back to the Coven:

So Myrtle is reunited with the Coven and she suggests that Misty is, in fact, the next Supreme! I mean, who can resurrect THAT MANY people in such little time! I swear they are just trying to throw us off the scent though, it just seems too obvious to me that Misty is our next Supreme– not to mention the fact that she doesn’t even WANT to be the next Supreme:

Well tough shit Misty– you don’t have a choice. Time to put Delia’s plan in motion and it all starts with ‘The Sacred Taking’. And, I gotta say, the whole history lesson about the ritual was awesome! Apparently, this ritual is only used in times of crisis to ensure the survival of the Coven. It has only ever been evoked 3 times, the first being the Salem Witch Trials in 1692 where the Witches fled South to New Orleans to avoid persecution. But, the reigning Supreme at the time knew she was going to be too weak to make the journey and so she evoked the Sacred Taking, basically taking her own life in order for a new Supreme to lead the Coven to safety. Best. Fake. History. Lesson. Ever.

So, since Fiona is the current Supreme and trying to kill anyone whom she thinks is the next Supreme, it might be wise to evoke this ritual IMMEDIATELY, which is exactly what the girls do.

Now for the rest of the plan. First, they must convince Fiona that Madison is the next Supreme and since Fiona has no idea that Madison was brought back to life, this shouldn’t be too difficult. So Madison puts on Season of the Witch, slips into her best red dress and confronts Fiona with an ultimatum: either take your own life or burn at the stake. Anyone else have a craving for smores?

As expected, Fiona decides to get the fuck outta there instead of die, probably a wise choice. But Myrtle, also back from the dead, confronts Fiona next and makes her realize that the Axeman ain’t gonna be stickin’ around when she’s dying and smells like dead bodies. We get a quick glimpse into the future of the Axeman peacin’ out on Fiona and that is when Fiona finally decides to take the high road and take her own life. She gets out her best fur coat and takes the pills Madison gave her.

And Myrtle isn’t leaving without payment, LOL! Can’t say I blame her… after all, Fiona did frame her and have her burned at the stake:

Looks like their plan was going to work perfectly… until stupid Spaulding had to show up with his tongue and his bottle of Ipecac. I don’t even understand how Spaulding is lurking around the house in spirit form either but this is AHS so I can look past it I suppose (it’s also possible that Fiona has the ability to interact with the dead– and she was getting it on with the Axeman which supports this).

But really, who would have thought that Zoe giving Spaulding his tongue back and murdering him would have led to their entire plan backfiring! So Fiona throws up the pills after Spaulding spills the beans about Misty being the one who actually resurrected Madison! To be honest, I was pretty surprised to see Fiona playing her cards like she did. I thought for sure she was going to hide the fact that she had this new info about Misty! It looks like Fiona isn’t going anywhere after all– except to the next door neighbor’s house.

Witch Huntin’ Ain’t Easy

Before all hell breaks loose at the neighbors, we are, unfortunately, subjected to learning a bit more about the Ramsey’s. Joan is pissed at her son due to him being ‘unclean from the inside out’ which can only mean one thing. And if you guessed AJAX ENEMA’S, than you, sir, are one fucked up individual!

She also locked him in a closet. Joan– you so cray cray! Meanwhile, back at Witch Manor, Madison upsets Nan about her fishstick armpits, so Nan runs off to the neighbors and using her clairvoyance, she finds Luke in the closet.

And once Luke finally comes out of the closet (LOL), that is when shit hits the fan. Joan calls the cops on Nan because Joan is a huge bitch (anyone else know these types of parents when you were growing up? We used to call them the Fun Prevention Unit). Hank the Witch Hunter starts drunkenly firing on their house, killing Joan who is not even a Witch. And just when Hanky Panky is about to finally make some progress, Luke jumps in the way of the bullet to save Nan and her stinky arm pits.

Just throwin’ this out there, but wouldn’t it have been so much better if they had cast Dylan McDermott as Hank the Witch Hunter? Either way, this guy has not appeared to pose much of a threat up to this point as he pretty much missed every single one of his targets. Lay off the booze next time before you go out shooting Hank!

So finally the cops show up and Luke is wheeled out on a stretcher with a head wound. Fiona and Misty show up on the scene and, naturally, Fiona distracts the police with her powers while Misty resurrects her… 8th person? (I’ve lost count):

Joan and Luke haven’t really been in the show much to begin with so her death didn’t really mean anything to be honest. That said, bringing her back to life using Misty’s power was pure genius because now it is going to be very, very interesting to see where her and Luke fit into the story (especially because they don’t really fit nicely onto either side– they’re Christians who are definitely against the dark arts).

And one last note before I get to Team Voodoo– Delia has a very interesting convo with Fiona at the end of the episode. Delia completely admits to trying to murder her mother but she also admits that she’s grateful Fiona survived. The bullet was apparently “blessed” and, boy do I really not want to be Hank right now. He has failed to kill a single Witch (besides that red-head) and now everyone knows what he’s up too. Definitely not a good day to be a Witch Hunter!

Getting AHEAD of the Competition

With Fiona still alive and well and Myrtle and Misty now at the Witch Academy, it appears that Queenie has defected to Team Voodoo for good. At the very beginning of the episode, Queenie is attacked by a random homeless dude. Of course, Queenie doesn’t take too kindly to homeless dudes with hammers, so she uses her ‘human voodoo doll’ power and fucks him up!

That’s when Zoe and Madison show up to give Queenie a lecture about murdering homeless dudes under bridges. So Queenie decides to completely ignore the two girls and…

…rips the homeless dude’s heart out! Either she is really, really hungry or the Voodoo Queen needs a ‘dark heart’ for some of her spells. Oh and, just in case anyone wants to know what this would look like in 16-bit:

FATALITY! So she’s got that heart she came for:

Captain Planet Heart

Couldn’t resist the Captain Planet reference! But more importantly Zoe and Madison try to convince Queenie to come back with them but to no avail and Queenie basically says that there isn’t room in town for Voodoo AND Witchcraft and that a WAR is coming. ZOMFG CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS WAR! And this is why I could care less how many people die and come back to life on this show. I know that this WAR is going to be epic when it happens, I’m just very curious to see who ends up on what side! And even with all the countless resurrections up to this point, when this shit goes down, people WILL DIE and they will STAY DEAD! Just be patient, get ya popcorn ready and ice up, son!

Before the episode ends though, we still have one last SHOCKER to get to. LaLaurie’s still locked up at Camp Voodoo. And just when we think LaLaurie is going to convince Queenie to let her out of her cage for a pee-pee, Laveau shows up and she means BIZNESS! These two HATE each other… you can feel it! And LaLaurie basically laughs in Laveau’s face since she can’t die! Bad idea, LaLaurie.

So Laveau chops off LaLaurie’s hand, but…

…she’s left unsatisfied. So she does the next best thing, Se7en style:

ZOMG! LaLaurie’s head in a box AND she’s still alive since she cannot die! Obvs Fiona and the rest of her Witches better start retaliating on the Voodoo people because shit is about to go DOWN! I’m kinda PISSED that they left us hanging because I really want to see what happens with LaLaurie now! Must. Be. Patient. Like Yoda once said, “Patience you must have my young Padawan.”

Just one other quick note: Frankenkyle made a brief appearance, played with some toys, learned some new words, told Zoe he loved her while Madison overheard and looked completely jealous– WAIT, what? So obviously something is going to happen with this ridiculous undead love triangle and the sooner they get it over with, the better! Otherwise– MIKEY SMASH!

Episode Score: 8.5. The episode was great but it wasn’t “burn a Witch at the stake with Dr. John in the background” great. The whole FrankenKyle love triangle thing is absolutely ridiculous (and seriously, Evan Peters must be annoyed with the lack of lines he’s getting this season), and points were taken away for showing the Axeman in his boxers. And I have no idea whether to award or subtract points for that Ajax Enema– if we were ranking this show based on how fucked up it was, it would get a 20.0 🙂

And THAT ENDING! A head in a box, eyes open AND talking! Just awesome, creepy stuff AHS! We have, unfortunately, one more episode left before the Christmas break! BUT, when Coven returns in January, the first episode back is going to feature a cameo from the White Witch herself, STEVIE NICKS! I will NOT be missing that! And for a sneak peek at next week’s episode, appropriately titled “Head”, check out the preview clip. Enjoy!