“People today are obsessed with anything shiny and new…but it’s all an illusion. Everything new fades.” -Liz Taylor
American Horror Story Hotel continued its story of revenge but She Gets Revenge also had a “feel good” vibe to it, mainly because of Liz Taylor. In a world that is full of death and horror, it’s always refreshing to see the other side of the coin and watching Liz’s reunion with her son was literally where puppies, kittens and love comes from.
Of course, it was not a good day for Valentino and Natacha who met their untimely end. For them, this must have totally sucked considering they JUST got out of their prison cell in the Hotel Cortez only to be killed a couple of weeks later. It was impossible for me to feel bad for the Countess, however, considering how much shit she’s put everyone through. The ending was extremely satisfying for me because Liz and Iris deserve a happy ending and I can only hope that they ended up hitting their targets. How cool would it be for the Hotel Cortez to be under new management at the end of the season with Liz, Iris and Ms. Evers becoming the new owners? Admit it, this would be epic in every way!
And while I have been disappointed with the lack of connections to previous seasons, it looks like that is about to change big time in our final three episodes. Sure, we’ve seen the Murder House and Dr. Montgomery and Marcy came back briefly so she could be murdered but I want MOAR! And based on the promo for the next episode, a fan favorite from Coven could be on her way back! While we don’t know if she is playing a new character, Gabourey Sidibe is in the HOUSE and looks to be reprising her role as Queenie. Let’s all hope that this is the case because that would be totally awesome and unexpected in every way!
It feels like Christmas morning so grab some appetizers, make yourself a tribute video for your three Instagram followers and enjoy the review, fellow guests!
Like Christmas Morning
We kick things off with a Liz Taylor monologue and it was some amazing dialogue as per usual. I love it when American Horror Story keeps it simple and this opening was as simple as it gets with Liz Taylor providing a message that we all should live by. I’ve reproduced the dialogue below since it really spoke to me:
“People today are obsessed with anything shiny and new…..but it’s all an illusion. Everything new fades. But forgotten hotels are still good for some things. Drug deals. May-December indiscretions. And ending it all. I knew that look anywhere, seen it many times. These two lucky birds are content, at peace even. It’s their wedding anniversary they tell me. Sixty years, four kids, nine grandchildren. They had a good run together. But she’s not quite the same anymore since the cancer spread and he can’t imagine his life without her. The last thing she wants is to be a burden so they come here to be alone so they never have to be alone again. I envy them.”
It was a story within a story only this one had a happy ending. I think most of us would much rather spend our lives with someone we truly love, our soulmate if you will, and I think this was an interesting little twist from all of the unhappy endings that seem to take place in the Hotel Cortez.
Regarding the old couple, Liz sees true love in their suicide while Iris questions why they don’t have the courtesy to blow their brains out at their own home. Poor Liz though. She’s lost her one true love, Tristan, and now feels like she will never be happy again. Once again, this show presents us with the theme of loneliness and how it can literally turn your world upside down, especially after losing someone you were close to. Liz is the complete opposite of the Countess and it’s literally impossible for me not to root for her. The Countess is someone who takes love for granted, always moving on to the next sucker. Sure, she has gone through her own heartbreak but this all happened 90 years ago and hurting other people is clearly not going to heal those wounds. Liz, on the other hand, is someone who understands what real love is and it’s probably something that doesn’t come easy for her because the people who have the most love to give always seem to get hurt the most.
Liz makes a heat-of-the-moment decision to kill herself but luckily Iris is there to prevent this from happening. Instead, they decide they are going to leave this world together, make a clean exit, so they don’t have to be alone.
So Liz employs Ms. Evers, the greatest laundress on our planet, to contact his son so he can finally reconnect after 31 years. Ms. Evers seems to think this might be a terrible idea considering all of the facts. In other words, this chance reunion could go very well or very badly depending on how Liz’s son handled his father’s departure. I also found it interesting that Ms. Evers mentioned her cousin Frederick, who she says could have become a Monsignor. Is this a potential connection to Timothy Howard, the Monsignor from Asylum? It’s possible and definitely worth mentioning.
So after making the phone call, Liz has not forgotten her end of the bargain and I was in hysterics after watching Ms. Evers rejoice over a bottle of liquid detergent:
Yup, it’s just like Christmas morning for Ms. Evers.
She even got a brand new washer and dryer and her reaction was quite possibly the greatest thing I have ever seen.
Yup, there’s even a delicate setting! These three are easily my favorite part of the season so far and if Ms. Evers, Liz Taylor and Iris all survive and take out the Countess, I’d be absolutely thrilled.
Liz Taylor eventually gets this meeting with her son Douglas and it was very hard not to feel good for Liz. Once again, it’s these emotionally charged stories within our main story that seem to really work wonders on American Horror Story. It was really great moment watching Liz’s son accept his father for who he really is and a lesson we should all live by. So let’s stop hating people for being themselves and show some compassion.
Liz’s son is right…it’s not difficult to be compassionate and I absolutely loved the message. Throw away the hate and love people for who they are and the world really can be a better place. Liz’s reaction gave me the feels in every way.
After his reunion, Liz meets up with Iris so they can make that clean exit but it’s not going to be an easy decision in deciding which way to go given the fact that Iris is an arms dealer:
It appears they are all set for suicide and how epic was Iris’s tribute video. A beacon of hope for her three followers on Instagram! This image sums it up perfectly:
I love you, Kathy Bates! This was just awesome in every way and I am definitely rooting for these two to get the revenge they so badly deserve. Liz has had a change of heart now that her son wants her in his life and Iris is not too happy about this change but these two victims, who have suffered more than their fair share, come to a decision to take over the Hotel and turn it into their own creation. And I am ALL for this. These two seem to be the only ones with compassion and I absolutely love that they have teamed up to take over the Hotel Cortez. The best is definitely yet to come!
Cheekbones For Days
While all of this was happening, Donovan and the Countess were setting their own plans in motion and the unpredictability of it all had me a bit surprised. While I assumed that the Countess was going to end up taking out Natacha, I did not think that Donovan was going to murder Valentino. That said, I was kinda happy this happened because those two weren’t serving any real purpose at this point in our story. Plus, The Countess said this and it was awesome:
So with Valentino and Natacha out of the picture, what’s next for The Countess and Donovan? I highly doubt they are going to fall in love and live happily ever after and, as the ending of our episode suggests, I can’t imagine the two of them are going to be getting out of the Hotel Cortez alive. But hey, at least Donovan has cheekbones for days.
I really wasn’t expecting our vamp zombie couple to be taken out this early but it was a nice surprise that both of them were killed at the same time. And Donovan man, you just don’t get it, do ya? The Countess is playing you. She would have rather ended up with Valentino so I don’t understand why you would go after him when you should be going after her. At this point, I hope both of these two get what they deserve in the end. Let’s be honest, Donovan and The Countess are terrible human beings who don’t care about anyone else but themselves.
Later on, The Countess is visited by the police after Will Drake’s disappearance and she’s spinning a web of lies for the detectives. Then, out of no where, Will Drake shows up to clear things up. Obviously, he’s a ghost at this point and it looks like The Countess should have taken Mr. March’s advice and had him killed off of the property.
I will give Gaga props for another solid costume. She has a presence about her when she’s wearing these different outfits and I think she was an absolutely solid choice to play The Countess, just less sex scenes next season please! I also think Will Drake’s reaction was priceless. He has every right to be pissed off with The Countess and I loved how direct he was with her. It’s too bad he wasn’t this assertive with her prior to being murdered.
Even worse, The Countess tries to make excuses for murdering Willy and they are absolutely pathetic. Disparaging remarks about Bartholomew? Absolute bullshit. One thing that wasn’t bullshit, however, is the fact that Drake is a lot smarter dead than he ever was alive and The Countess plans on turning his son Lachlan so she can control Drake’s empire. Seriously, she’s such a bitch. The sooner someone takes this American Whore Story out, the better.
At least we got to see Mr. March get the last laugh. He did warn her after all.
Eventually, The Countess gives Donovan a call and he returns to the Hotel Cortez with a surprise for his ex. First though, The Countess wants Donovan to retrieve Will Drake’s body and put Ramona back in the iron maiden. Can this bitch do anything herself? Christ, this is a woman I would never want to be married to.
Donovan finally reveals that he murdered Valentino and I did not feel a thing for The Countess. She can cry about it all she wants, she totally deserved this fate. She treats everyone around her like complete shit and it’s about time these people are fighting back. Karma is a bitch, especially when you’re one yourself.
So Donovan is jamming out to Drake’s Hotline Bling when shit finally goes down! Plus, Matt Bomer totally crushed it while jammin’ out:
This made me laugh. Of course, Donovan’s fun is ruined by The Countess who is still all pissed off about the fact that Donovan killed her one true love. Too bad, so sad honey. Maybe if you’d actually take some responsibility for once, this wouldn’t have happened. And Donovan obviously hasn’t learned his lesson yet either since he STILL wants the Countess back, even after all she has done to him. This is why when Liz and Iris showed up, it was the greatest thing ever:
Seriously, if the Countess and Donovan survive this, I’m going to be pissed. Iris and Liz deserve to come out on top here and I know I’m not the only one who is rooting for these two bad ass ladies to get their revenge on the people who clearly don’t deserve shit. I was also a bit surprised that the episode ended here. American Horror Story doesn’t usually leave us hanging quite like this and we’re going to have to wait three entire weeks to find out what happened. Damn you, show. In the meantime, I guess I’ll have some Christmas appetizers.
Meanwhile, John is up to his serial murdering ways, this time killing a trio of people for worshipping false gods. This whole 10 Commandments Killer thing has gotten very stale ever since they revealed that John was the killer and I find myself caring less and less about his trophy collection. Of course, there is only one commandment left and that is ‘Thou shalt not kill’ so pretty much every single character on this show could be the target.
Mr. March is also committing more murder of his own, this time he’s using the built-in incinerator room. He also has something planned for him and John after they complete the 10 Commandments…so what exactly does Mr. March have planned? Tell us, damnit!
John wants to see his ex-wife so Mr. March arranges a meeting between John and Alex where they talk about the fact that they are the world’s worst parents. I mean, where the hell did they leave Scarlett? She must be wondering where the fuck her parents ran off to at this point, right? And that’s totally going to suck when she finds out that her parents totally took off so they could be with her brother Holden! This has taken ‘picking favorites’ to a whole new level.
Alex has much bigger problems however. After telling The Countess about the wild vamp kids she’s released on society, the Countess is giving her a chance to fix this issue. Of course, if she doesn’t, her and Holden are going to end up very dead because the Countess can’t have her secret going public so John and Alex eventually find the vamp kids who are desperately in need of a good spanking. One of the kids almost stabs Alex but luckily she brought a serial killer with her and John intervenes by pulling out his gun. This was all a little to easy though because one of the kids ends up dying from her measles, illustrating to the vamp kids that they should probably go to the hotel where it’s safe for them. Or is it safe?
That said, this turned out being a terrible idea because Alex leads them to that hallway with no exits…you know, the one where Ramona is being held. Not a good day to be a vamp kid.
It’s feeding time in the hallways of hell and no one is safe…not even Peter Pan. So I guess this means that people who are afflicted with the virus can totally drink blood from others who are also afflicted. I was under the impression that this was not the case but since Ramona is calling for appetizers, she obviously plans on having vamp kids for breakfast. You just know Ramona is going to get out of this hallway at some point but as to how this is going to go down, I have no fucking clue.
Meanwhile, John and Alex are back together, possibly because they have both finally realized they are the worst parents in the world, but this does not make Sally too happy. In fact, she’s quite pissed off over the fact that John is using her for sexual purposes. Ghost or not, I’d be a little pissed off about this too. John is very much like The Countess, using the people around him for his own guilty pleasures. Luckily, Sally knows that Alex probably won’t accept him once she learns about his serial killing tendencies. Seriously though, this story is starting to bore me. Can we please start moving things along? When is this addiction demon with the conical drill bit dildo going to be back in the mix? With John basically telling Sally to fuck off, it’s only a matter of time before she does something bat shit crazy and let’s hope she decides to bring her demon friend along for the ride. After all, he did show up briefly:
Later, Alex takes John and reunites him with little Holden and the trio leave the Hotel Cortez together as a family. On the way out, Sally interrupts the reunion by yelling our her plans to murder the shit out of John. I think it’s safe to say that Alex and John should not survive the season. John is a serial murderer and Alex is the worst mother in the world and, much like The Countess and Donovan, I can’t stand either of them.
And with that cliffhanger ending, I can only hope The Countess and Donnie boy have finally met their end because, let’s be honest, they really are terrible people. With only three episodes left, I really have no idea what could possibly happen next, especially if Liz and Iris are successful with their attack. This episode had it all though and it looks like our zombie vamps and pack of vamp kids have finally been taken care of for good.
Episode Score: MIKEY LIKES IT
She Gets Revenge was all about reunions with Liz finally meeting her son after 31 years, the Lowe family (minus Scarlett) leaving the Hotel Cortez and Donovan making up with his ex girlfriend (who is also the biggest bitch in the world). I personally loved the dialogue, especially Liz’s opening monologue and everything that comes out of Ms. Evers mouth.
And that ending was bat shit crazy. I never expected Iris and Liz to form an alliance to take over the hotel and I’m really hoping they finally put an end to The Countess. She totally deserves it in every way after hurting everyone around her and I can’t wait to find out if any of those bullets hit their target.
Further, as much as I have disliked the story with John, I think they set things up nicely with John leaving the hotel with his family and Sally swearing that she’s going to murder him. This could finally open up the doors in explaining that Addiction Demon. I really want to learn more about this entity and I think the only way this will happen is by having Sally become a much bigger part of the story.
So far I don’t really know how to feel about this season as a whole. On the one hand, the dialogue has been superb and we’ve been treated to some very interesting characters such as Iris, Liz and Ms. Evers. On the other hand, I can’t stand anything about The Countess (and this is not a knock on Gaga, I think she’s done a remarkable job this season), Donovan or John because their stories have not been particularly interesting and they are clearly evil to the max in every way. I will be much more satisfied if they end up getting their just desserts so here’s hoping.
What did everyone think of She Gets Revenge? Did it make you want to reunite with some old friends and family? Were you jamming out like Donovan? Or did the episode feel like someone just blew smoke in your face? Let us know in the comments and thanks for reading, fellow guests! And, as always, be sure to vote for your favorite character below:
Unfortunately, we’re going to have to wait three weeks to find out what exactly happened for the remaining three episodes since AHS is taking it’s traditional Christmas break. But there is lots to look forward to, especially because Gabourey Sidibe is returning and will be making her grand entrance on January 6th! Plus, it looked to me like she could be reprising her role as Queenie from Coven and if that’s the case, I am beyond fucking thrilled to find out what her role will be in all of this!!! You don’t want to miss the promo for Battle Royale so hit play below: