“I’m weary. Weary of the world failing me. Weary of the steady drip drip of disappointment. I won’t be disappointed again.” -The Countess
American Horror Story Hotel served us up some sweet revenge and all of our stories are finally starting to come together. The vamp kids, Ramona Royale, Valentino and even baby Bartholomew returned in She Wants Revenge and things are really starting to get messed up at the Hotel Cortez. Plus, that bat shit crazy ending was everything I could have asked for.
Ramona’s back story was the perfect example of what this series does well and, as sad and tragic as it was, it’s these types of tales that I love the most. Great shows make us feel for our characters and how could anyone not have a tear in their eye after watching what happened to Ms. Royale. Of course, she’s not exactly in the best situation after that insane ending but at least she’s got some friends on her side now after the Countess pretty much fucked over every single friend and lover in her life. Even Ms. Evers has some beef with the Countess! Guess she’s going to have to do her own laundry from now on!
She Wants Revenge had a bit of everything including some pretty amazing dialogue and it seems like we’re getting ready for a showdown between The Countess and everybody else. One thing is certain…The Countess does not deserve to survive this season. She’s a terrible person all around and, much like Jessica Lange’s Fiona Goode from Coven, I think she’s going to get what she deserves in the end. Enjoy the review, fellow guests.
Like A Boss
The Countess and Will Drake are getting married and, honestly, I don’t really understand Big Willy’s logic. He’s obviously in denial over the fact that he likes boys and marrying the Countess is obviously a terrible idea. Is there anything worse than a gay guy pretending that he’s straight? The answer is no and Will is clearly a dumb ass for making this decision. He tells his son that he likes both men and women but I’m just not buying it. He seems to think that The Countess truly understands him but Will couldn’t be more blind to what is really going on because the Countess is a heartless bitch.
Ms. Evers also graced us with her presence, only this time she came with a warning. She basically tells Drake that marrying the Countess is a terrible idea and he will die if he marries her. I can’t help but feel bad for Ms. Evers. She was totally in love with Mr. March (and also the perfect partner for him), but he decided he would rather be with a creature from heaven and obviously he made the wrong choice. If I’m Big Will, I’d be taking Ms. Evers advice.
Ms. Evers has been a pleasant addition to American Horror Story this season and Mare Winningham has completely owned the character from the very first episode. It’s been fun watching her play a fan favorite for once. For those that don’t remember, she was FrankenKyle’s mom in Coven and Pepper’s sister in Freak Show, clearly both villains, so I’m thrilled to see Mare get a chance to be one of the good guys for a change. Ms. Evers can totally do my laundry any day!
The Countess has also made a LOT of enemies and she’s running out of friends rather quickly. Even Liz Taylor has made the decision to turn her back on The Countess after she murdered Liz’s one true love.
The Countess is really becoming the villain of this season and I can honestly say that I want her dead. Her ego is clearly going to get the best of her and I can’t stand the fact that she goes around hurting the people that truly love her. That doesn’t make for good friendship. I’m also thoroughly sick of watching Gaga have sex. Seriously show, enough with the Gaga sex scenes…we get it.
So after coming to the conclusion that her tight group of friends is getting much smaller, The Countess visits her one true love Valentino (more on this later) and also brings back Donovan for sexy time. The problem I have with The Countess is that she seems to blame everyone but herself for this so-called drip drip of disappointment even though she is clearly the one responsible for those close to her turning their backs. Sorry, I just don’t feel sorry for you honey!
And to make matters worse, Donovan is a total sucker, falling for The Countess and her lies once again. She says she won’t make the same mistakes again but as we all know, that is not the case. The Countess is like that ex who keeps dragging you along, making promises for the future but never coming through. We’ve all been there and while I can understand that Donovan still has strong feelings for the Countess, he’s only going to get hurt again.
Meanwhile, porn stars are taking over the Hotel Cortez and I absolutely loved Iris’s monologue about pornography. She’s got nothing against it…when it’s done right. Iris is easily one of the best characters of the season and Kathy Bates has proved to me, and hopefully everyone else, that she belongs on this series. Of course, her thirst for blood is making her become a god damn dirty Harriet. Oh, and she did this to those porn stars:
Yup, Storm Cock totally got what was coming to him. Best porno name ever! Donovan finds his mom making some blood martinis after murdering the porn stars and officially he’s back to his old douchebag ways. Iris tells him about how The Countess knows that Ramona was the one responsible for letting little Bartholomew out of his room so they need a plan B! Donovan tells her that he’s already on it but I just have a bad feeling about this. And so should you.
Meanwhile, we FINALLY got to see what those vamp kids were up to after Alex sees a report on the news about a homeless man who was murdered and had his blood drained. Things are definitely getting out of hand with these crazy kids and Alex finds them having their own version of Netflix and chill.
Plus, Max’s ‘Like A Boss’ t-shirt is something that I totally need in my life:
WANT! So we find out the vamp kids are still sick with the measles and the only way they can get better is by drinking fresh blood. The homeless don’t seem to provide that freshness that can cure them but apparently the pizza guy totally can! This actually reminded me a lot of Stephen King’s sequel to The Shining, which is fairly appropriate considering the season is taking place in a Hotel. Those that have read Doctor Sleep will know exactly what I’m talking about here and I swear that book was inspiration for this part of our story!
You just know that The Countess is going to find out about these creepy ass kids soon enough and that’s probably why Alex is trying to resolve this little problem. But just like every kid ever, these kids don’t take kindly to authority figures and basically tell Alex to take a hike. I cannot wait to see how this is going to play out but clearly Alex is going to be in a whole lot of trouble if she doesn’t get a handle on the situation soon.
Finally, Angela Bassett is back as Ramona Royale and her back story is where tears come from. It’s about time we learned more about Ramona and She Wants Revenge went back to 1992 to show us exactly what happened after the Countess broke her heart. First though, Donovan brings our male porn star to Ramona’s house for some drinks of the bloody variety!
They discuss their plan to kill The Countess and extract the revenge they so badly want. And really, how can you not feel bad for Ramona. She had her heart broken by the one person she loved and has been sent to a world of loneliness. It’s a feeling that totally sucks and I think most of us can relate to what she’s going through. So Ramona went back to the only place in the world where she knew for sure there were people who loved her. This just gives me the feels in every way!
Ramona returns to her parents home after being away for over ten years and you can just feel the hurt inside of her. Luckily, her parents provided the support she needed to get back on her feet and I simply loved the family dynamic here. Beautiful stuff from a beautiful show. Sadly though, this is American Horror Story, where everything ends in tragedy. Ramona’s mother finally passes away and her father’s alzheimer’s got worse after her passing. Without her, his mind just couldn’t find a reason to hang on. My heart is seriously broken…this was just sad in every way.
And things get a lot worse. Ramona finds her father practically beaten to death after a break-in and I was at a loss for words watching this terribly tragic tale play out.
Ramona comes up with a plan and saves her father’s life by giving him some of her blood. The problem, however, is that the virus was incapable of healing his mind. As Ramona says, “neurons are not cuts and a diseased brain is not a broken bone.” So even though she was able to bring her father back, he was still afflicted by his Alzheimers, a state he remained in for 20 years. Eventually Ramona realizes what she needs to do and drowns her father in the bathtub so he can be free at last. Seriously show, why you gotta hurt my heart like that?
American Horror Story is at its absolute best when it tells stories like these and I have to give props to the writers here because this was one of those episodes that I’ll simply never forget. It reminded me a lot of Pepper’s back story from last season, one of the BEST episodes American Horror Story has ever produced. So after her father’s death and the birth of Netflix and Hulu, Ramona was once again being recognized for her movies and decided that she was going to get her revenge for what the Countess did to her one way or another. You go, girl!
Love And Marriage And Murder
After the zombie vampires escaped from the hallways of horror two episodes ago, The Countess needs to find a way to seal up the hole they escaped from. And I must admit, the results were not what I expected. It was bat shit crazy in every way and I could have never expected things to play out the way they did. Plus, Mr. March’s reaction was priceless after the Countess flips out on him and I think men everywhere can relate to this:
Classic reaction. Donovan and Ramona return to the Hotel Cortez to put their plan in motion. Everything seems to be going smoothly and it looked like The Countess was about to finally meet her end but, unfortunately, Donovan decides to turn his back on Ramona and tases her in the neck before she can get her revenge. God damn you, Donovan! Plus, what in the fuck was this:
Yup, nightmares. Seriously though, I’m so mad at Donovan for falling for The Countess. Not only that, he reverted right back to his old ways and starts treating his moms like shit again. Even Ramona agrees that Donovan should be listening to his mama!
After her close call with death, The Countess visits Valentino and apparently she is not quite done with making enemies. She wants to remove Natacha from the picture so she can have Valentino all to herself and turn the Cortez into a fortress against the modern world. You just know this is going to be her downfall and if The Countess survives this season, I will lose all faith in humanity. She is exactly the type of person that I can’t fucking stand, using people for her own benefit and throwing them into the trash as soon as she’s done with them. And even Donovan might finally come to his senses after seeing his one true love with another man! Bitch, you’re going down!
Luckily for all of us, Liz Taylor also agrees and I couldn’t have said it better myself:
Liz, you totally just described my ex perfectly! And seriously, how can you not love Liz Taylor at this point. She’s been totally fucked over by The Countess and I’m hoping she will be the one to finally put a dagger in that whore’s heart! This episode made me LOATHE the Countess and I cannot wait until she finally gets what she deserves.
After the wedding, Mr. March returns and takes Drake up to Room 33 so he can see the beautiful, and bat shit crazy, baby Bartholomew. The Countess, being the bitch she is, finally puts her plan in motion to get rid of Drake and it was simply bat shit crazy. They end up sealing Drake in the same floor with no exits that our zombie vampires came from, where he finds Ramona trapped in her cage. He ends up releasing her but this turns out to be an absolutely terrible idea because she needs to feed. Let’s all say our goodbyes to Big Willie!
And like the boss that she is, Ms. Evers keeps her promise and watches Drake as he dies. The phrase “I told you so” immediately comes to mind:
That was one hell of an awesome ending. The Countess, however, is probably in big time trouble now that she’s managed to turn her back on every single person that cared about her. What goes around, comes around, and it’s only a matter of time before these people finally put an end to the bitch’s reign of terror.
Episode Score: MIKEY LIKES IT (AND WANTS A ‘LIKE A BOSS’ T-SHIRT)
She Wants Revenge was another amazing episode! I much prefer episodes like this where anything and everything is possible. Last week we had to sit through watching John finally realize he was a murderer and, when we compare that story to this one, it’s not even close. The storytelling in She Wants Revenge was so much better and I literally could care less about the 10 Commandments Killer. You’re drunk John, go home!
Ramona’s backstory was tragic in every way and I can completely understand why she wants revenge on The Countess. And with Liz Taylor, Iris, Donovan and Natacha all being stabbed in the back by The Countess, I can only hope that they all get together to serve up some revenge in the best way possible. All I know is that if The Countess does not die in the end, I will be thoroughly disappointed. And seriously, keep your clothes on for once Gaga. We get it…you like sex scenes. I’m so over it.
Having the vamp kids, Valentino and Natacha return was also awesome in every way and it appears that all of our stories are coming together. Even little Bartholomew was back in the mix. Of course, we have no fucking idea how this is all going to play out but the unpredictability is why we all love this series so much. Anything can happen and I can guarantee none of us will be able to predict it (with the exception of John as the 10 Commandments Killer which was ridiculously obvious).
Oh and in case you haven’t heard, Sarah Paulson will be reprising her role as Billie Dean from Murder House and we might even get a scene with Sally and Billie Dean together on screen. Now that would be absolutely bat shit crazy.
So what did everyone think of She Wants Revenge? Did it make you wanna seek revenge on a former lover? Are you just as pissed off at The Countess as I am? Do you simply love everything about Liz Taylor and Ms. Evers? Let us know in the comments and thanks for reading, fellow guests. Also, be sure to vote for your favorite character below:
Lastly, be sure to check out the promo for She Gets Revenge where it looks as though the plan for revenge is slowly coming together. I hope that The Countess finally gets what she deserves and so should you. Also, the tenth episode of every season of AHS has been totally special. We had the Name Game in Asylum, Pepper’s origin story in Freak Show and Stevie Nicks totally delighting us all in Coven’s tenth episode so expect big things next week. Enjoy!