Game of Thrones: ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’ Review

The Sun And The Spear

The Sun And The Spear

“Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken. For Oberyn.” -Sand Snakes

Finally Dorne takes center stage in Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken, the 6th episode in Game of Thrones fifth season. The title also happens to be the words of Dorne so it was only fitting, and overdue, that we finally get to see what the Martell’s and Oberyn’s bastard daughters were getting up to.

At this point, there is soooo much going on that it seems like barely anything happens each episode and I was a bit disappointed with how this all played out. Sansa’s wedding was supposed to be a big deal but lets be honest here…what a letdown. The events in King’s Landing, however, were much more entertaining and was easily the highlight of the episode.

So grab yourself some Dornish wine, it’s some of the best Westeros has to offer, and enjoy the review!

Face The Music

We head back to Braavos for the start of our episode with Arya preparing another body and finally we get some answers as to why exactly they are doing this. Of course, not before a whole bunch of riddles. Arya, like the rest of us, has no fucking idea what is going on at the House of Black and White but she’s sticking it out, doing a job she hates in the hopes of that big promotion.

House of a Thousand Corpses

She tries to make a break for the mystery door but to no avail as the waif stops her before she can find out what exactly these faceless men are hiding. So while everyone in Westeros is playing the Game of Thrones, Arya is busy playing the Game of Faces. Riddle me this, riddle me that…and I say fuck riddles.

Arya is scolded and is sent back to work leaving all of us royally pissed off as to what is going on in Braavos. She is visited by Jaqen in the middle of the night for more questions such as who are you and where are we and what is going on? Maybe Jaqen is, in fact, that lantern:

Who Are You?

I'm Arya Fucking Stark

More riddles ensue and with them comes more whippings for the youngest Stark daughter. I guess the one important thing to note here was with respect to the mention of The Hound. First, Arya clearly doesn’t have a hate on for The Hound according to our local Braavosi polygraph machine also known as Jaqen. And I tend to believe this with all the bonding time they had together last season. More importantly though, Arya mentions she left The Hound to die so we still don’t know whether he is actually deceased or not at this point. And if my prediction comes true, I don’t think we have seen the last of him.

Later, Arya is approached by a random dude and his daughter so Arya puts on her poker face and ends up murdering the child by having her drink from that creepy pool in the House of Black and White. Wait, WHAT!? This makes no friggin sense but lets roll with it. So Arya tells the child some lies about how she got there and ends up killing the child by having her drink from the mystery bowl. It appears more riddles are in our future.

SHOTS!

So after some shots, it was pretty clear this one couldn’t handle her liquor:

Teen Drinking Is Very Bad

So there you have it folks. The key to solving Jaqen’s riddle was murder. Who would have guessed! This is all very confusing. But hey, at least we finally got to see what was behind the mystery door. And this did NOT disappoint:

Free Makeovers

Now I’m not sure about the logistics of this particular operation but one can probably assume that this is how our faceless men get their faces and are able to change their physical appearance. That said, if they are using real faces from real people, I’m not sure how they’re able to change face so quickly, that is some real Criss Angel shit right there. But at least Arya is ready to change her face so I have a feeling we’ll be getting a better idea of this process in the weeks to come.

Poke

Make Out Like A Bandit

After their adventure with the Stone Men, Jorah and Tyrion continue to spend more time bonding on the shores of who the fuck knows. Essos is a big place after all so I’m not quite sure where they are but we do know they are still trying to make their way to Meereen. They have a heart-to-heart about Jorah’s father while feasting on berries and nuts. Tyrion has issues with the menu.

Today's Special: Berries and Nuts

While Loras might have preferred the nuts on this menu, Tyrion is having none of it. But they do have a nice chat about Mormon’s father, the former Lord Commander, and I gotta admit I do miss the guy considering Jon has some massively big shoes to fill over at The Wall. Aww, very nice bonding moment.

Jorah and Tyrion eventually get kidnapped by bandits, however, but I must say this couldn’t have worked out better for them. First, Tyrion almost gets his throat slit so these pirates can sell his penis to a cock merchant.

dwarf-cocks-are-magic

Yup, dwarf penises are good luck in Essos. Luckily, Tyrion is able to talk his way out of any situation and in this case, it also happened to be prime time comedy. Tyrion Lannister, you should definitely be the next host of Saturday Night Live!

Second, the bandits were headed back to Volantis but again Tyrion is able to convince them that the better idea is to head for Slaver’s Bay. After all, his companion is one of the greatest fighters in all of Westeros! Right, Jorah?!

Jorah the Explorah

I think we all know where this is headed. By the time Jorah and Tyrion get to Meereen, the fighting pits will be ready to go for opening night and obvs Jorah is on the card, maybe Tyrion too. The Thrilla in Manila has got NOTHING on what’s about to come our way in Meereen 🙂

Miscarriage of Justice

Back in King’s Landing, the cats are out to play again only this time one of them brought their grandmother! Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, has returned to King’s Landing to attempt to get to the bottom of Loras’ arrest. And I have to admit, her little showdown with Cersei was phenomenal. Easily the best location we got to explore this week, especially considering what transpired.

First up was Littlefinger’s return to King’s Landing and his talk with Cersei gave us a little more insight into what his plans may or may not be. I have a feeling he is completely bullshitting Cersei here but this may all be part of his bigger plan. Littlefinger lets Cersei know about the wedding between Sansa and Ramsay. Queen C is none to impressed with this fact either, considering she still blames Sansa for Joffrey’s death. Littlefinger makes some sense though, basically telling Cersei to let Stannis and Roose battle it out and then strike when the victors are licking their wounds. Hell, Littlefinger even offers the army of the Vale to help which leads me to believe he might mean business here in order to become the Warden of the North. That said, I just don’t know what his end game is because there is no way in hell is he going to end up teaming up with the Lannister’s in the end. Something has got to give! But this is definitely a smart play for him since he already has control over the Vale and the North could soon be his as well.

I Want It All

Cersei has been taking things way too personally as of late, not to mention the fact that she is such an evil bitch. I can’t wait for her to finally get what she deserves, if that ever freakin’ happens! Once again, she is somehow able to shrug off everything Olenna throws at her by simply blaming the Sparrows.

That Don't Impress Me Much

I gotta say, bringing back the Queen of Thorns was a brilliant idea. I love how she stands up to Cersei, even knowing full well that Queen C is planning their downfall. The first step in her little plan is having the Sparrows conduct a simple inquest and Olenna and Margaery are both confident that Loras won’t have any problems getting out of this situation. Unfortunately for them, however, these Sparrows are pretty damn smart and it looks like the Tyrell’s just got lawyered by a priest! Loras is first up:

Rumour Has It...

Not looking good so far for Ser Loras. Next up, they call upon Queen Margaery herself and she is not to impressed. Apparently, according to the law of the 7, no king or queen is exempt from testifying at a holy inquest. Oh Cersei, this was your plan alllll along, wasn’t it?

Liar Liar

She obviously has no choice but to lie here and we all know she knows about Loras’ adventures in the bedroom. It is also pretty obvious where they are going with this. Next up is Olyvar, whom I now hate. He turned his cloak on the Tyrell’s and is CLEARLY being paid off by Cersei. What a little bitch!

Expendable Character

Couldn’t care less what happens to Olyvar now that he’s turned his back on the Tyrell’s and is a proven liar. It seems to me though that he’s going to be important going forward, especially if the Sparrows find out that he was bribed into making this testimony, even if it was true. Shame on you Olyvar, you’re a terrible friend and even worse lover. But not as terrible as Queen C:

Unbreakable

So not only was Cersei able to have Loras arrested but she was able to ensure that Margaery would be arrested as well, only this time for perjury. Yikes! That’s some ice running through those Lannister veins. Still though, I can’t help but feel this will all blow up in Cersei’s face at some point given the fact that she’s committed incest with her brother and with Lancel, who is now a Sparrow. Let’s all hope that this happens because Cersei is a terrible person. Karma better win this one!

Desert Debacle

War at the Water Gardens

We also returned to Dorne this week to check in on Jaime, Bronn and the Sand Snakes. I have to admit this entire plot has seemed a bit rushed and there hasn’t been very much airtime with these characters as of yet which is probably why this entire action-packed sequence seemed a bit off to me. Prince Doran, brother to the late Oberyn Martell, is being extremely patient up to this point and we still don’t know why. He puts Areo in charge of protecting Myrcella, knowing full well Oberyn’s daughters are out for blood.

And we finally get a brief glimpse of Myrcella Lannister and her betrothed, Trystane Martell. Aww, aren’t they cute thinking this relationship can actually work out?

Forbidden Love

Clearly they have no idea what is going on. And while it looked as though something big was going down in the Water Gardens, it turned out to be nothing as all of the fighting gets broken up by Areo Hotah, Prince Doran’s right hand man.

So Jaime and Bronn were able to sneak in fairly easily and in there attempt to take Myrcella back, they are attacked by the Sand Snakes, Indiana Jones style.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

While we got to see some nice action from the Sand Snakes, the entire fight ends up getting broken up and the only winner ends up being Areo’s axe-spear type weapon. I have to admit, this guy is bad ass! But why in the fuck is Doran so set on keeping Myrcella around? I mean, this makes no sense. Oberyn is dead and the Sand Snakes want their revenge for obvious reasons but why hasn’t Prince Doran done anything? He seems to be waiting for something or someone and I can only wonder what exactly this might be.

So it looks as though Jaime and Bronn may be in some trouble now that they have been caught by the Martell’s. I get the feeling they are setting up some kind of showdown between Jaime and Areo after his little comment about it not being a fair fight. He does, however, make for a good barber.

Gillette Close Shave

Further, the Sand Snakes are in the same boat and that boat is clearly sinking fast. These women are supposed to be family so it should be quite interesting to see how Doran will end up handling them. Revenge is a dish best served in a Dornish prison apparently.

Now just a quick comparison to the books, none of this actually happened because Jaime and Bronn never went to Dorne but if this was the scene I think it was supposed to be, they did an absolutely terrible job of pulling it off. I won’t give anything away here, but this was a helluva lot more interesting in the books and I hope Dorne will be getting MUCH more screen time in the future so we can learn more about the Dornish and where exactly they fit into the bigger picture.

The Grey Wedding

The Grey Wedding

Another week and still no bad ass ninja Sansa. She once again has to go through the worst possible situations and this week was no different, ending with her second wedding. Only this time she is marrying a real psycho in Ramsay and it was only a matter of time before she found herself in this type of situation. For all the bad luck she has had though, I still think Sansa will pull through. After all, what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger and I swear the payoff of watching Sansa endear horrible moment after horrible moment will pay off in a thrilling manner when she finally gets her redemption. Of course, this is George R.R. Martin we’re talking about so it’s also possible that everyone will die without any happy ending. Still though, I’ll take some bets that Sansa is going to get some sweet revenge on the creepy Bolton family.

The wedding was a little disappointing although the scenery was fantastic as you can see below:

Winterfell Wonderland

Not too much happened here so all the hype regarding Sansa’s wedding was all for nothing. She eventually gives in and agrees to the marriage although it was clear that this is not what Sansa wanted at all.

Fuck My Life

Luckily for her though, the North remembers. And if you remember the old woman from the last episode, I think that Sansa will round up some allies and start putting a plan together to get her vengeance. Especially after Ramsay decides to go back into super fucking crazy mode. Now, I know the writers and producers were hinting that this was supposed to be a controversial scene but let’s be honest here…it’s FUCKING RAMSAY SNOW! Of course he was going to do something disgusting with Sansa…

Stark Raving Mad

Obviously I don’t support this type of behavior whatsoever but this is Westeros and this is what happens when you get married to a guy who enjoys hunting humans. And if it isn’t enough, Theon aka Reek is forced to watch the whole thing:

My name is Reek it rhymes with Freak

I’m pretty sure this entire scene is setting up some big things to come with Sansa and Theon. Sansa has probably had enough of the bullshit life has served her and it’s time for her to start taking Littlefinger’s advice to avenge her family. One can only hope she starts with the Boltons.

A pretty average episode this week, I had much higher expectations so hopefully this will get the ball rolling for the remaining 4 episodes! What did you think of Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken? Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments section.

Next Week

Back to the Wall for next week’s episode, titled The Gift. The Gift is, in fact, a location just south of the Wall so I imagine we will be focusing a bit more on Jon Snow and Stannis’ army as he heads for Winterfell. Check out the preview below: