Heroes Reborn: ‘Project Reborn’ Review

Heroes Reborn 'Project Facepalm'

The series finale of Heroes Reborn was everything I expected it to be. And that is not a good thing. I can’t believe how terrible this was in comparison to the original series. It breaks my heart too because at one time I couldn’t wait to catch up with Sylar, Claire, Hiro, Peter Petrelli, Niki Sanders and the rest. This time around, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Don’t get me wrong, this season had its moments but really, I think the only thing that could have saved this series was after Noah and Hiro travelled back in time. As soon as they returned to the present, things went from good to absolute shit in a matter of seconds. It was all very ordinary to me.

Now as you may or may not know, Heroes Reborn is officially cancelled but I came across an article that suggests this might not actually be the end of Heroes after all, to which I say UGH! Unless they are somehow able to capture the mystery and intrigue surrounding the characters from the first season of the original series, I have no interest in another reboot. Sylar was one of the greatest villains to ever grace our screens and I simply don’t think the writers will ever be able to match that special first season.

Now buckle up because the Heroes Reborn finale had it all including robot tentacle aliens, World of Warcraft, the smoke monster from LOST, a scientist getting stabbed in the neck, time travel to New St. Louis, human explosions, and an ending that was certainly not extraordinary in any way. Enjoy the review, fellow Evos.

Sun Down

The world has already evacuated somehow. Luke, Malina and Quentin are walking around a now deserted gateway as the solar flare heads towards Earth. Of course, the plan is to hide here:

“I’ll just lock you guys in this creepy looking building.”

Yup, even though they’re Evos, that’s the best place to hide even though they’re supposed to be saving the world. Luckily, Luke was playing them and decides to go after the solar flare on his own while Malina cries like a little bitch in the background.

“But I wanna help save the world too.”

This can only mean one thing. Luke turns himself into a mini-sun and floats his way into the sky, explodes and somehow dissolves the solar flare in the process. Words cannot describe this so I made a gif:

Luke the Mini-Sun blows up Solar Flare

Yup, this all happened and Luke is now very dead. Not only that, I feel nothing after his death which proves that no one can relate to any of these characters. I seriously wish Tommy would teleport me back in time so I can rethink my decision to watch this series.

After Luke blows himself up, Quentin and Malina make their way up the stairs but Phoebe is also chillin’ there so she decides to use her powers to summon the smoke monster from LOST from her hands and traps Malina in some smoky tentacles. I probably should have warned you that sentences that no person could ever think up were going to happen for this review.

The Smoke Monster's Revenge

Also, is it just me or does it always look like Malina’s taking a poop?

Hangin' Around

Quentin finally decides that he has totally had enough of his younger sister and shoots the crap out of her. Malina falls hand first onto the ledge because she was obviously not going to die since they haven’t saved the world yet. Meanwhile, Phoebe couldn’t handle all of her bullet wounds and fell out of a conveniently placed window. I literally still have no idea where they are, but it almost looks like some kind of promo for Jack Bauer’s 24:

Free Falling

Meanwhile, our Hero Truthers are trying to save Farah’s life when an entire crowd of people with terrible acting skills join the party. They’re obviously either looking for a place to hide from the solar flare or they’re super injured. And this was all that happened with these folks. The end. Wait, what? Nah, I’m just kidding. There’s still a lot more nonsense to come.

Ever Meow

Tommy is trapped in some fucked up hallway in the Eternal Fortress or he’s just on drugs. I’m not really sure which one is correct but clearly he’s going to need to escape the land of the video games before the world explodes. Then some really weird shit starts happening, starting with this weird tentacle probe:

Anal Probe?

Yup, no idea what is going on. Especially after this weird probe jams itself into Tommy’s neck:

Tommy gets probed

This leads to Tommy floating in the air, obviously. At this point, I already have no idea what the hell is even happening but I’m also laughing at how ridiculous this all is. And back in reality, Erica and the rest of the chosen ones are zapped 7,957 years into the future where St. Louis is the only remaining city on the planet.

St. Louis All Within Reach

I have to admit, Gateway looks like a really shitty and boring place to live so I think I’d take my chances in the past. Now in the future, Ren and Emily have to sneak their way around a creepy basement straight out of Hostel movie…

Hostel

…and they end up saving the real Miko. It only took 13 entire episodes of nonsense to get there but it finally happened. And just when you think things can’t get any more fucked up, Tommy is now two people and is able to look into the past so we can obviously see Claire from the original series. Seriously though, what was with all of the references to the original show to motivate Tommy to save the world? Totally unnecessary.

Claire on TV

They also release Otomo and finally the real life Katana Girl and her father are reunited. Also, no one cares. At least Otomo got to stab that creepy looking scientist in the heart:

Creepy scientist gets stabbed in heart

After all of this goes down, Otomo proceeds to transfer Reckless Ren, quite possibly the worst nickname ever, into Evernow and his avatar is this:

Reckless Ren is now a cat

Yup, Reckless Ren is now a sword-wielding cat and this should surprise no one. Katana Girl and Cat Ren fight their way through Evernow so they can break Tommy out. They better hurry too because Tommy is definitely high on something since he’s having all these bizarre memories from his childhood. Like that time Angela Petrelli had him and Malina hold hands while wearing some funny looking helmets. Nope, can’t make this shit up. The kids also had a super fun, symbiotic bonding play date by creating a giant ball of energy (or something) and completely murdering this guy by accident:

Scientist disintegrates

Oops. I don’t think that was supposed to happen. Also, since when can two Evos combine their powers to create some new super power. And since the writers are clearly just making stuff up on the fly, Angela all of a sudden remembers that there was a third person in her dreams and if you didn’t guess that it was Noah then you’re probably drunk.

Eventually, Miko and Ren, whom I cannot stop laughing at since they’re video game characters, break Tommy out so he can save the world. But not before Erica says the dumbest thing imaginable. Apparently, if Tommy goes back in time and saves the world, everyone in the future will die even though that is literally impossible since they weren’t in the future during the time Tommy is going back too. Facepalm. Oh, and did I mention that there are TWO Tommy’s now for no good reason whatsoever. It literally made no fucking sense.

"Who are you?"

So this new Tommy goes back in time and finds Malina so the two of them can hold hands and attempt to save the world with their gigantic ball of combined energy. If someone were to read this review 7,957 years from now, they are going to think we were all on acid. It doesn’t end up working so obviously Tommy is heading back in time again so he can prevent Noah from having a flying car fall onto his face. Also, Noah’s great at stepping on butterflies so he should be able to help them save the world! Save the Cheerleader’s dad, save the world, right?

Tommy and Noah head back to Gateway before it became New St. Louis where he joins hands with Malina and Tommy so he can become a laser beam:

Noah 'Laser Beam' Bennet

That’s right, Noah is now a laser beam. I can’t even. While that is happening, the other Tommy stops time after Erica tries to shoot him the face so Tommy gets the ultimate revenge by cutting her time travel watch off of her wristband and warping everyone back to present time. Oh, and Noah died. Boo hoo. At least they saved the world in the most humorous way possible.

Three months later, Quentin is in prison for murdering his sister and being questioned about the Evos who were involved with saving the world. We catch up with everyone and it was absolutely ridiculous. First up, Carlos is still a wannabe Iron Man and him, Jose and Farah are now living  happily ever after. They literally served no purpose to the overall story and I have no idea why the writers even bothered to include them in this series. One word: dumb.

To quickly recap what the others are up too: Miko and Ren are now training for the National Sword Fighting Championships, Tommy and Emily are eating ice cream and doing nothing fun even though Tommy has the ability to teleport and Malina is now in high school.

And to wrap things up, our heroes find some Magic: The Gathering cards which obviously means the writers thought this series was actually going to be renewed for a second season. Clearly that is not happening and we’re never going to find out what this was all about.

Magic: The Gathering

This finale was absolutely epic for all the wrong reasons and I can’t even believe this qualifies as a sequel to the original Heroes series. I was so excited when I had first heard they were bringing back one of my favorite series but now I’m just glad it’s all over. At least there was lots to laugh about I guess.

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES IT

Mikey Dislikes ItThe characters and story for Heroes Reborn was absolutely horrific in every way and I am so happy that it has finally come to an end. It drives me fucking crazy knowing that the writers could have literally chosen from ANY POSSIBLE POWER and instead we got smoke monster tentacles, a guy that can turn into a mini-sun, a white teenage version of Hiro Nakamura and a hot blonde who looks like she’s pooping when she uses her powers:

Malina looks like she is taking a poop

Plus, Matt Parkman is still stuck in a ravine somewhere after he crashed his vehicle and lost his watches which was never explained for unknown reasons. I guess we’re all left wondering what happened to everyone’s favorite mind reader.

I suppose Noah’s death was supposed to be the big shocker but could anything really shock us on this series? The answer is a definite nope. As I’ve been saying all season, it was impossible to relate to any of these characters. Their stories were lame, their powers were boring and their personalities made me want to drink heavily. The finale of Heroes Reborn was everything I expected: an utterly predictable acid trip with some of the worst characters I have seen on television. Thankfully it’s over…for now.

So what did everyone think of Project Reborn? Did it make you want to hang out in a bar in New St. Louis 7,957 years in the future? Or would you rather turn into a mini-sun and explode in mid air? Let us know in the comments and be sure to vote for your favorite Evo below, if it’s even possible to have a favorite. Thanks for reading, fellow Evo’s. Be sure to check out all my other reviews, some of which are for shows that are actually good! And remember: Save the Cheerleader’s dad, save the world! YATTA!