Scream Queens: ‘Beware Of Young Girls’ Review

Scream Queens 'The Talking Dead'

Scream Queens is back! AHHHHHHHH! After taking last week off because of the World Series, our screamers returned to continue trying to solve the murder mystery of the Red Devil at Kappa Kappa Tau. Beware of Young Girls was a tale of two stories. The Chanel’s were busy trying to summon ghosts using a Ouija board while Grace and Pete were attempting to solve the case of the Red Devil.

We did learn quite a bit from this episode but the plot is starting to stretch things out a little too much for my liking. We’re not really anywhere closer to finding out who the Red Devil is but I suppose we did learn quite a few new things about Dean Munsch, mainly that she is bat shit crazy. Jamie Lee Curtis is one of the brighter aspects of this series and I was thrilled to see her go into a jealous fit of rage after her ex-husband asked for a divorce. For me, this stand-alone story worked pretty well and it also supports my theory that every character is somehow involved with murdering someone. I still think that would be the perfect twist.

As for the Chanel’s, the humor with them is getting very old and stale and I didn’t find myself nearly as entertained with their mean girl antics this week. Maybe it’s because Denise Hemphill hasn’t been around for the past two episodes but Oberlin and her crew of bitches just haven’t been as entertaining as they used to be.

Now put on your best funeral attire which hopefully involves a neon vest, grab yourself a fresh glass of goat milk and enjoy the review, fellow screamers.

No Dinosaurs In Hell

Oberlin decides to host an open casket funeral for her fallen sister, Chanel #2. She also figured out the cause of all of her problems…she’s way too nice. I swear this chick is delusional but that’s what makes it hilarious. Also, gotta love that outfit she wore to the funeral.

Mean Girls Funeral

The Chanel’s pay their respects in typical sorority girl fashion and Chanel gives her mean girls Eulogy because Chanel #2 was a backstabbing bitch that got exactly what was coming to her. It’s pretty clear that Oberlin did not like this dumb, dead whore very much. I guess she had her reasons…like this:

Bitches Be Like...

Chanel #2’s dying wish was to be cremated and shot into space and that sounds like an epic funeral idea to me! Oberlin is still super bitter about the fact that Chanel #2 and Chad porked each other and believes that Chanel #2 got exactly what she deserved. Have fun being dead, #2!

Oberlin’s sisters offer their sympathies to Chanel but she’s also still super pissed off about the fact that her sisters framed her and had her arrested. This all leads to one thing: OUIJA! And you just knew this game of Ouija was going to be hilarious when Oberlin’s first question was whether Chanel #5’s vagina has teeth. It was also revealed that Chad is still not being faithful to Oberlin even after promising he was going to be monogamous. I loved the idea of having the girls play Ouija in an effort to contact Chanel #2 from beyond the grave although it probably could have been a lot funnier than it was.

What was funny though was when Oberlin goes to Chad’s place and finds him doing the most fucked up thing imaginable:

Chad in bed with a goat

What the goat...

What’s with all the goats on television this week? I swear it must be Goat Week on the Discovery Channel or something because this is the third show that has featured a goat in the span of three days! Luckily for all of us, Chad was not actually having sex with a goat because that would be a little too fucked up even for this show. Instead we find out that he is lactose intolerant and enjoys a good glass of lactose-free goat milk to keep his body looking hot.

After the goat incident, the Chanel’s go back to the Ouija board to get some answers. We find out that Chanel #6 keeps 9 tampons in her purse, that Chanel #3 almost choked on Dix Kix cereal when she was 2 and, when they ask her who is killing everybody, all signs point to Oberlin. The other Chanel’s immediately convene to figure out what to do about this revelation and they decide that the only solution is to murder Oberlin. But they can’t decide on what the best method of murder is. Pretty much every plan they came up with was pure stupidity…I mean a sugar party with crushed up diamonds? Hilarious insanity.

Cheers To Murder

Later on, Oberlin is visited by the ghost of Chanel #2 and it was fairly evident that Ariana Grande is a terrible actress. Still though, the dialogue was funny enough to overlook her terrible acting skills and we learned just how shitty a place Hell can be.

"Also, zero dinosaurs."

Apparently Jesus broke into Hell and stole all of the dinosaurs!!! That totally sucks and I officially have no plans of ever going to hell. So Chanel #2 makes her peace with Oberlin and explains that the only reason she lied during their Ouija game was because Hitler was motorboating her boobs. She also tells Oberlin about the other Chanel’s plan to bash her face in with a bowling ball while she’s sleeping. Yikes!

Oberlin ends up taking Chanel #2’s advice to be the better woman and instead buys her sorority sisters gifts. And these gifts did not disappoint:

Nancy Drew Looking Sleuthing Caps

Lea Michele looks hilarious with that magnifying glass! Loved it. Oberlin is dead certain that Zayday and Grace are the killers but this is likely not going to be the case. Either way, it looks like our Chanel’s are going to be playing Nancy Drew in an attempt to solve the mystery of the Red Devil. The Hardy Boys would be proud.

Chanel Sigh

Phony Bologna

Gigi’s scene in the kitchen when the phone rings reminded me of the opening scene from the Scream movies minus the murder. Gigi is pissed off about the fact that they haven’t got rid of “him” yet and I’m not sure who she is referring to here but obviously Chad, Pete and Wes are the only candidates. She is adamant that they are not kidnappers but rather murderers hellbent on revenge and they need to stick to their brand. I think it’s not out of the question that the person on the other end of the phone was Boone.

Later, Gigi goes out shopping with Grace now that they’re practically family and Gigi is pretty sure that her fashion style will be totally hip again in five years. The ’90s were a totally cool decade after all.

"Let's go shopping for neon leather jackets with hugggge shoulder pads."

Gigi plants a seed in Grace’s head that Dean Munsch is likely involved with the murders in some way and tells her to talk to a former sorority sister by the name of Feather McCarthy which is exactly what Grace did. And this entire flashback was fucking hilarious. Dr. Munsch was Feather’s Beatles 101 professor and, even though she asserts that he wasn’t really attractive at all, she was drawn to him because of the whole Beatles professor thing so they started having sex (but not all the time due to impotence issues, LOL). For whatever reason, this guy reminded me of James William Bottomtooth III from Family Guy:

Not Attractive At All

Dr. Munsch eventually tells Dean Cathy that he wants a divorce and this is when the Dean shows her true colors and goes completely bat shit crazy. She kicks her husband out of the house which forced him to actually move into the sorority and she’d always show up wearing the exact same clothes as Feather and even brought a huge knife in some instances.

"We're Twinsies!"

I loved how the Dean went all crazy after her divorce and watching her dress up in the same outfit as Feather was hysterical. I also love how they always produce a shot of someone screaming every episode and watching Dr. Munsch, bad teeth and all, screaming his face off was pretty fucking classic.

Dr. Munsch screaming

I swear watching Dr. Munsch screaming will never get old. Feather continues her story and she explains that the Dean tried to murder her by throwing an old transistor radio in her bubble bath. Upon arriving back home after her meeting with Grace and Pete, Feather finds her husband but he’s definitely had better days.

Big Head In A Small Pond

Yup, looks like Dr. Munsch has become fish food. Also, in case you’re wondering where the writers came up with this idea, it’s actually a nod to another ’80s slasher movie titled He Knows You’re AloneI love how they keep incorporating old horror movies into our story. I also wanted to mention the song that was playing while Feather was telling her story. It’s called Seul by Stone and you can check it out by hitting play below:

We catch up with Dean Munsch and she’s totally hitting on the dumb ass detective in charge of the Red Devil case and he ends up arresting the Dean for the murder of her ex-husband. So for the second episode in a row, one of our characters is arrested for murder.

Straitjacket to Prison

And after the Dean is arrested, Pete comes up with the greatest headline ever for the Wallace University Sentinel:

Cops Finger Dean Munsch

I don’t even know why but this had me laughing out loud. Just look at how proud Pete is! Of course, we know this is not the end of our mystery and, even though the murders appear to have stopped now that Dean Munsch is in an insane asylum, Grace and Pete get a call from the Dean herself asking them to come for a visit.

Grace and Pete head to the local insane asylum, which reminded me of Briarcliff from American Horror Story: Asylum, and they find the Dean having the time of her life. Apparently going to prison these days is more luxurious than real life. Dean Munsch suggests that Feather is the one responsible for killing her ex-husband and everyone else. More importantly, however, is the fact that the Dean can’t stand Bologna sandwiches.

"Deli meats make me fart."

After obtaining photographs from the crime scene, Grace and Pete find a photo of a half-eaten sandwich. This sandwich ends up being none other than a Bologna sandwich and we know the Dean can’t eat these deli meats, therefore she couldn’t be responsible for murdering her husband. Right? Wrong!

Grace and Pete trace the DNA from the sandwich back to Feather. But why would someone go through all the effort of making a sandwich and not finish it? Apparently all of the killing and dismembering made her hungry…but not that hungry. Dean Munsch is released from the asylum after this new evidence comes to light. Still though, something doesn’t make sense because Feather has no motive for any of the other murders.

But did Feather really kill her husband? The answer is a definite nope because the big reveal at the end of the episode shows us that Dean Munsch was the one responsible for the entire ‘head in the fish tank’ thing.

One Step Ahead of the Competition

This was easily the best scene of the episode with Dory Previn’s Beware of Young Girls playing while Dean Munsch explained how she got away with murdering her ex-husband.

In reality, this was absolutely ridiculous but this is also Scream Queens so it shouldn’t have come as a big surprise. The Dean knew the murder would probably get lumped in with all of the others since a serial killer is on the loose. So the Dean ended up suggesting to Feather that she start blogging about Bologna and framed her by putting her DNA on the half-eaten sandwich. I can’t even make this stuff up. But here’s to young girls getting what they had coming to them!

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

So it looks like Dean Munsch is not our killer in the Red Devil costume after all. But she’s still a murderer! So maybe my theory that every single character on this show is responsible for murdering someone could come true after all! I still think that would be the perfect ending to all of this.

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY  LIKES IT (but just barely)
Mikey Likes It

This episode was a lot more about the story than anything else and I actually liked how things turned out. Dean Munsch is one crazy mofo but as it turns out she is probably not one of our Red Devils. She is simply a crazy murderer who was pissed off about her unattractive husband leaving her for a young girl.

There were really only two stories to follow and I think this worked a lot better than trying to fit every single character into one episode. There was no Zayday, no Jennifer (with the exception of her appearance at the funeral) and, unfortunately, no Denise Hemphill who hasn’t been around for a while! And maybe that’s not necessarily a bad thing although she does bring the funny each and every week.

Still though, the entire story with Dean Munsch and her ex-husband was actually decent although I think they were trying to be just a little to funny with the whole Bologna thing which really wasn’t that funny. I think one of the bigger problems this series is having right now is trying to find a balance between the humor and the story and I don’t think they have mastered it yet. Beware of Young Girls did have its funny moments like Chad with his goat, Dr. Munsch screaming in the sorority house and Pete’s awesome headline for the school paper but it really feels like the writers are trying way to hard to make us laugh. Also, Ariana Grande is the worst.

Still though, the episode did make me laugh out loud on more than one occasion and I really enjoyed the entire story involving Dean Munsch. Jamie Lee Curtis has been hilarious in this role and even more so when she’s going into a jealous rage over her ex hubby! This is one chick you do not want to fuck with, especially if you’re a young girl! And I loved the song at the end, it was totally appropriate for this particular episode!

We still have no clue who our Red Devil’s are at this point (other than Gigi) so be sure to vote on who you think is responsible. I’ve added a new selection, EVERYONE, to the poll because I have this funny feeling that every murder will end up having its own story.

Lastly, check out the promo for the next episode of Scream Queens, titled Mommie Dearest, where we will finally get to see Denise Hemphill return and it looks like she still thinks Zayday is the killer. HASH TAG CAHOOTS! That will never get old. Thanks for reading, fellow screamers!