Scream Queens: ‘Black Friday’ Review

Scream Queens 'Shop Til You Die'
Shop till you scream, bitches! Scream Queens took us on a shopping spree in Black Friday. The only problem was that no one ended up purchasing any murders as the hunt for the Red Devil continues. Well, except for that security guard who took an arrow to the chest.

Even though she only made an appearance for like 30 seconds, Denise ‘Chief of Police’ Hemphill was once again was the highlight of Black Friday. Let’s be honest, watching Grace and Pete getting all lovey dovey just wasn’t working for me and they appear to be the odd ones out with respect to this zany cast of ridiculous characters. Does anyone really find these two funny? I don’t. That said, watching the Chanels try to murder the Dean with no success was very entertaining as it almost always is. These girls are so dumb that it makes my head hurt but that’s the point, isn’t it?

With the finale on the horizon, it’s only a matter of time before our killer is revealed and we still have no idea who is behind the mask. Sure, Pete admitted that he’s a murderer at the end of Black Friday but I’m not sold on the fact that he’s our Red Devil. In fact, there is really no way of knowing at this point and I think we’re all going to be in for a big surprise come finale night.

It’s time to shop til you drop…or die…so let’s head to the mall and check in with our favorite sorority sisters. Enjoy the review, fellow screamers!

Mall Rats

Yes! The greatest non Chanel-O-Ween holiday is here and the Chanels are going door bustin’ for some Black Friday Christmas shopping. And obviously they did it up in style with The Bangles Hazy Shade of Winter playing. Check it out below:

Another awesome jam! In typical Chanel fashion, Oberlin bribes the dude who deals weed off of the loading dock at the mall so she can get an early start on the shopping action while the insanely idiotic crowd of shoppers wait for the doors to open so they can trample each other…just your typical Black Friday. So Oberlin buys her friends a bunch of shitty ass gifts to undermine their confidence in her friendship since Oberlin is the head mean girl in charge and she buys Chanel #5 a classy roll of black toilet paper:

Merry Pinkmas

Also, that is one pink ass Christmas tree. Very appropriate for a Chanel Christmas.

Dean Munsch is consoling Zayday after they discover their turkey dinner has been replaced with Gigi’s roasted head which actually smells kind of delicious. The Chanels are on their way for their annual Black Friday shopping expedition but Munsch is questioning the timing of this after Gigi’s murder. The Dean tries to put Oberlin in a timeout but since she’s not seven years old, this clearly doesn’t work. And off to the mall we go. Let’s go, sluts!

Meanwhile, Grace, Wes and Pete are at the police station to report Gigi’s murder and I couldn’t help but laugh at the random guy who was asking what he was being charged with. Apparently, he drove his truck through the front window of a Best Buy and killed and maimed 40 people so that would clearly explain that. Oh, Black Friday…probably responsible for more unnecessary deaths than any other day of the year.

It appears that the entire homicide department has been fired, including the Chief of Police, because the mayor was really pissed over the fact that they had no leads on the Red Devil case and spent their entire monthly budget on ghost-hunting supplies. Best police force ever.

Back at the mall, the girls are getting their shop on but they have lost track of the time, just like every woman I have ever shopped with, and the mall is all of a sudden deserted. At this point, you just knew the Red Devil was going to show up and that was exactly what happened. The girls are locked in the mall with no where to go and the Red Devil is stalking them with a crossbow while they try to escape.

That moment when they announce a sale in the mall

Normally seeing girls running down BOTH escalators at the same time is a sign that they just announced a major sale somewhere but in this case, the Chanels are trying not to get themselves murdered. The girls finally escape but Oberlin decides that, since she’s Kappa President, that she can face off against the Red Devil all by herself. And this obviously leads to Oberlin taking an arrow in the arm.

Clean Up In Aisle 1

There is something hilarious about a fashionably dressed sorority girl with an arrow sticking out of her arm that is simply hilarious. Emma Roberts was the obvious star of this episode and her facial expressions are priceless. This show would definitely not be the same without her.

Luckily for Oberlin, the new Chief of Police arrives and it looks like she may have caught the killer on her very first day on the job! Yup, Denise is the new Chief of Police after the entire homicide department was fired for incompetence. I also love how Denise still thinks Zayday is the killer. Classic Denise!

"I'm the new chief of police"

Her gun toting skills need a little work though:

Denise swinging her gun around

It was unfortunate that this was Denise’s only appearance because watching her as the new Chief of Police has all sorts of potential for hilariousness but sadly, this scene in the mall was all we got to see of Denise Hemphill in Black Friday.

So after Oberlin has her crossbow wound treated, she has a meeting with her Chanels and they come up with a plan to murder Dean Munsch since they think she’s the killer. Zayday thinks the plan is bat shit crazy, and she’s not wrong because there is no way the Dean can even be the killer at this point, but Grace steps up and finally agrees that this is the best plan of attack to prevent further murders. Time to start planning, girls!

Dean Munsch Can’t Die

The Chanels come up with a plan to poison Dean Munsch using Pufferfish venom that they obtained from Hester’s pufferfish because why wouldn’t she have one of those! They pour the poison into Munsch’s favorite drink in the whole world, Apple Cider. The girls were able to discover this information on her Instagram account after the Dean posts this nonsense:

Dean Munsch's Instagram

I love how the post directly under it says that Dean Munsch has given up on having female friends years ago. I guess this is another reason not to post anything personal on your social media accounts. Kids these days!

Dean Munsch eventually chugs back her apple cider and Oberlin and Grace, now self-proclaimed Millennial Feminists, are looking a little nervous.

Yay for Millennial Feminists

Dean Munsch, on the other hand, is really enjoying her poisoned apple cider. Bottoms up!

Dean Munsch's happy face

Dean Munsch is clearly unaffected by the pufferfish venom and the girls are not impressed. Their reactions were priceless:

Grace and Oberlin react to Dean Munsch surviving

Look at the disgust on Oberlin’s face. Best reaction ever. So the Dean definitely didn’t die and it’s back to the drawing board for the Chanels. And the only one who checked into the hospital was Chad after he accidentally sat on a Lego Jack Sparrow during a nude yoga session. Apparently Chad sets a perimeter of Lego characters to guard his bed while he sleeps. Only on Scream Queens could this actually be a thing. Chad, you’re awesome!

Grace decides to change her mind about killing Dean Munsch and Oberlin immediately wants to kick her out of KKT. She takes a vote and the girls are all in favor of Oberlin’s plan. Especially Hester:

Hester puts her hand up

I don’t know what is going to happen on the next season of Scream Queens, but please please please include Hester, Oberlin, Chad and Denise for the second season because these are hands down the best characters on the show. And since this is an anthology series, they can always play new characters which would be totally awesome in every way.

The girls eventually come up with a new plan to murder the Dean, this time involving a cryo-sauna. Apparently 20-30 minutes in the sauna is the key to glowing skin and super hard nipples. But once again, there plan is foiled because the Dean somehow survives 30 minutes in the cryo-sauna and she’s feeling better than ever!

"My nipples just shattered."

I pretty much loved every minute of Dean Munsch surviving all of these murder attempts. It’s awesome seeing the writers use new and creative ways of trying to kill off the Dean and the fact that she is able to survive every single time is the perfect poison for our story.

The girls try to regroup and come up with more ways to take out Dean Munsch. Chanel #5 comes up with the dumbest plan ever after watching Teen Wolf a little too many times but Hester’s story about Rasputin was hands down the best. And if you don’t know who Rasputin is…well I’ll let Hester fill you in:

"Ah...Rasputin"

Hester’s obsession with death and murder makes me laugh every single time. Lea Michele has easily been one of the best Scream Queens so far and I think it’s still definitely possible that she could turn out to be the killer. Ultimately, the girls decide that the best way to kill Dean Munsch is a good old fashioned drowning. But once again things don’t go as planned. The Chanels minus Oberlin are out shopping but they get distracted when the shop employee doesn’t understand what in the hell Chanel #5 is talking about. This leaves Oberlin alone with the Dean and she brought a bag of chains with her so they can talk about bondage and go for a swim. Of course, the Dean isn’t buying any of it and leaves before Oberlin can murder her. It’s not going to be a good day for the rest of the Chanels when they return and have to face the wrath of Oberlin. These girls are absolutely useless in every way and that is why this show rocks!

For Pete’s Sake

Back at the Dickey Dollar Scholar house, Chad has called a meeting but attendance is super low since the entire frat house has been murdered by the Red Devil. Pete was the only one who showed up and he isn’t even a part of the fraternity.

When you're the only one who shows up for a meeting

Chad starts reading off Boone’s will and apparently he left Pete some of his possessions, most of which were of the sexual variety. Pete can’t really explain why Boone left him a box of lube or a butt plug with a beautiful blue jewel on the business end and Chad totally thinks they were gay lovers. It turns out, however, that Boone was Pete’s source for information about the frat house.

It was also revealed that Pete had tried to join the Dickey Dollar Scholars previously but was rejected due to his lack of golfing knowledge and John Mayer albums. Chad seems to think that Pete was super jealous over the fact that they wouldn’t let him into the fraternity but, even though Chad offers Pete an invitation into the Dickey Dollar Scholars, Pete rejects his offer because fraternities totally suck! This leads to Chad challenging Pete to a duel since these are the rules when someone rejects an invitation into the frat house but Pete simply walks away, leaving Chad all by himself.

"You will get murdered, Pete Martinez. Murdered to death."

A majority of this episode also focused on Pete and Grace’s relationship and let’s be honest here, this was pointless, boring and a waste of time. Does anyone really give a shit if Pete and Grace sleep together? The answer is a definite nope.

Grace eventually decides that she totally wants the D and makes an attempt to sleep with Pete but she’s rejected and is also in total shock since no college guy is ever going to turn this offer down. Pete, however, has a secret and it’s revealed that he is a murderer! Wait, WHAT!?! Pete’s a murderer too? I guess this makes sense considering he has his own Red Devil costume and he was working with Boone but who did he kill? He’s probably not our Red Devil but, just like Dean Munsch, he must have committed his own murder which probably has nothing to do with the Red Devil killings.

This was not that shocking and Pete hasn’t done much of anything this entire season so the ending was a bit of a letdown but at least we’re ready for the two-hour finale where all will be revealed! I still think it’s totally possible that every single character has murdered someone for their own selfish reasons but there has been a ton of speculation that Melanie Dorkus, the KKT President who was horribly disfigured after getting an acid spray tan, is our killer. I’m not sure if this is the answer I want though. The killer HAS to be someone we know already and Dorkus only made one appearance during the premiere.

The reason for this speculation is because Dorkus says to Chanel that “you have to dance with the devil to keep this place going’ and later Chanel #2 gets a text from the Red Devil asking if she wants to “dance with the devil”.  Plus, the first half of the finale is titled Dorkus, which likely means we’ll be seeing her make a return in the finale. I’m not really sold on this though since that would be a complete letdown having someone who only made one appearance turn out to be the killer.

There is also a possibility that everyone’s favorite candle vlogger might come back from the dead as the Red Devil but again this seems a bit far fetched. Personally, I still like my own theory that every single character murdered someone for their own reasons, using the Red Devil costume as a way to cover it up. That would be epic watching everyone go to prison in the end.

So what did everyone think of Black Friday? Are you ready for apple cider and a relaxing day in the cryo sauna? Or are you all shopped out? Let us know your thoughts and theories in the comments and thanks for reading, fellow screamers!

Chanel goes shopping on Black Friday

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES IT

Mikey Dislikes ItBlack Friday had its moments but just didn’t live up to expectations. When this show attempts to get all serious, it always seems to fall short and that was exactly what happened. Grace and Pete are not that funny to begin with so having half of the episode focus on these two did not pay off at all. In fact, I found myself laughing a lot less and rolling my eyes a lot more. Chanel would have been proud.

The best part of the episode was when the girls attempted to murder Dean Munsch and their plans are always so idiotic that it’s hard not to laugh. Unfortunately, this only made up a small part of the episode. Even Denise had limited screen time which was rather disappointing because I would have loved to see her being a boss as the new Chief of Police. As per usual, this series is so much better when Denise, Hester, Chad and Oberlin are on the screen and this episode was more about the story and less about the funny.

I’m actually quite surprised that none of our main characters have been murdered either. I mean, everyone is still a suspect. Pete, Wes, Grace, Zayday, Oberlin, Chanel #3, Chanel #5, Hester and Chad have all managed to survive the entire season without being murdered to death. I’d like to think that one of these characters is behind the Red Devil mask and anything else would be unacceptable in my opinion. So here’s hoping the finale wraps things up in a good way. Oh, and be sure to vote for your number one suspect below:

With only the finale left to go, everything will finally be revealed next Tuesday for the epic two-hour finale of what has been a hilarious journey through the hallways of the KKT sorority house. I really hope the final reveal will provide a shocking twist that none of us could have guessed. Be sure to check out the promo for Dorkus / The Final Girl below. Enjoy!