Scream Queens: ‘Dorkus / The Final Girl’ Review

Scream Queens 'Killing In The Name Of'
And the killer is…..Scream Queens concluded in hilarious fashion but I don’t think anyone was surprised in the end. At least we can finally put an end to this hilarious murder mystery that took Kappa Kappa Tao by storm. Even though the big reveal wasn’t all that shocking, the entire story behind it was very well done and I personally loved what happened to the Chanels in the end. It was a fitting ending to a great first season of Scream Queens.

Denise and Chad, two of the greatest characters this series produced, barely made an appearance though which was a bit disappointing. I would have preferred to see a lot more of these two in the finale but at least we got a whole lot of Hester’s hilarious facial expressions. Still, the finale was a satisfying end to a season that was hit and miss. To take the words of Denise Hemphill, “Hot damn shazam!” Totally going to be saying that for at least the next week now.

With the first season coming to a close, we can now start thinking about where next season might take us. I’d love to see a summer camp theme for the next season as I think there is a ton of potential, especially considering a lot of horror movies take place in the woods. I also thought that a Nunnery could work quite well. I’m already picturing Lea Michele in a nun outfit and can’t stop laughing at the possibilities.

And now it’s time to drop the mic and enjoy the review, fellow screamers!

Crappa Crappa Cow

I’m gonna come right out and say it…Pete annoys me. He’s also one of the Red Devil’s and was responsible for Roger’s death. Or was it Dodger? Regardless, Pete is a murderer and it’s clear at this point that Grace can’t be the killer because this was the lamest attempt at murder I’ve ever seen:

Grace attempts to stab Pete

So apparently the Red Devils were going to murder the shit out of Pete but instead he made a deal with the devil (pun totally intended) to keep his life. Not only that but Pete ended up murdering Boone. He was also the one responsible for putting an arrow in Chanel and killing the security guard during that wicked shopping spree. Grace is right…Pete is a total douche and this was confirmed when we see a flashback of Pete who actually thought he had a chance with Oberlin.

Clan of the Cave Bear

Not happenin’! SO Grace is pretty much done with Pete, probably due to the fact that he’s a serial murderer, but she ends up sticking around to find out who the other Red Devil is. And all it took to find the killer was a trip through the KKT house, collecting samples of the girls DNA. Also, Chanel #5 got zero swipes on her Tinder profile possibly because her vagina has teeth. Then all hell breaks loose when the Red Devil stabs and kills Pete and gets in a tussle with Grace only to be knocked out.

Meanwhile, Chanel was busy writing her missive to end all missives which totally overused the word ‘slut’. It was quite the lengthy email that took up a good chunk of time but I loved every minute of it because I totally want to send a letter like this to everyone everywhere. Of course, I’d end up getting shamed just like Oberlin and she’s pretty down over it due to the fact that the Red Devil sent the missive to everyone everywhere so she tries to kill herself in the most hilarious way imaginable.

The Worst Person Alive

Yup, that’s right. She purchased a venomous snake online so she could kill herself like Cleopatra by waiting for it to sense her body heat and bite her to death. Zayday ends up consoling Oberlin and obviously the Red Devil shows up yet again, only this time he’s delivering pizza. He’s also clearly not the murderer and, once again, it appears the Red Devil is hiring others to do her bidding. Instead of pizza, however, he’s delivering dynamite which ultimately leads to this:

Red Devil Pizza Guy Explosion

That was quite explosive! After the incident, Oberlin makes a decision to go on an apology tour and her first stop is Melanie Dorkus’s house. The girls arrive at the Dorkus residence without Hester, who is back at the KKT house snooping through Oberlin’s room. Chanel #5 finally gets a swipe to the right on Tinder and decides to take off to meet this guy since this is obvs a miracle. So Oberlin and Chanel #3 finally have a chat with Melanie Dorkus who is looking horribly disfigured after the acid spray tan incident. This leads to a debate about which horror movie murderer she most resembles…

The Toxic Avenger

…and I’m gonna go with the Toxic Avengers. Good choice, Chanel #3! As it turns out though, Oberlin didn’t come visit to apologize but rather she came over to murder Melanie because she thinks she’s the Red Devil. Of course, she turned out to be very wrong in the end.

Meanwhile, Grace’s dad is tasked with coming up with one of his trademark playlists so he can distract Dean Munsch while Grace and Zayday try to identify the killer. Heart’s Crazy For You was easily the jam of the day and Wes ends up getting it on in the grossest way possible with Dean Munsch while Grace and Zayday search the house for information on the Chanels.

Chicks totally dig the dad bod

They finally come around to Hester’s transcript and personal info on the Dean’s computer but what was truly hilarious was the fact that her social security number is 123-45-6789, her home address is Sesame Street and she graduated from Sweet Valley High. Classic. I couldn’t stop laughing at this for no good reason whatsoever.

Back at the Dorkus residence, Grace and Zayday interrupt Oberlin’s murder attempt just in the nick of time after they solved the Red Devil mystery while they were sleuthin’ it up at Dean Munsch’s place. Oberlin’s reaction was priceless:

So Sorry

So with the killer finally being revealed, the girls head back to the KKT house but they end up finding Hester and she’s not doing so well.

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out, Div

Wait, WHAT?! I thought she was the Red Devil? And the first half of the finale ends with Hester pointing at Chanel #5 and repeatedly saying ‘Red Devil’. Mystery not solved.

The Killer Is…

Hold up! As it turns out, Hester is the killer after all as we immediately find out during a flash forward to 2016 where Grace and Zayday are now running the KKT house. And I’m not all that surprised. I have to admit this was a bit of a letdown considering they revealed she was the one behind it all at the very beginning of the second half of the finale but at least they totally explained how she got 1,000,000% on her SAT. I will admit, her entire story was pretty hilarious, especially how they explained how she stabbed herself in the eye with a high heel shoe. Yup, this totally happened:

Hester takes her own eye out

Our finale also saw the downfall of the Chanels as Hester pitted them against each other by framing the entire team of Chanels for the murders. And I have to admit, this was quite the elaborate plan. It all started at the local asylum where Gigi raised Boone and Hester to become psycho killers so they could extract their revenge. Hester was obviously the brains behind the operation since Boone was a total moron and Hester couldn’t maintain any friendships due to free full frontal lobotomies. Having no friends totally sucks:

Hester throws temper tantrum after her friend gets a lobotomy

Lea Michele has the best facial expressions ever. Seriosuly though, the second half of the finale was so much better as we got to hear Hester explain her entire plan in detail. We even got to see how she found her cloak of social invisibility, aka her trademark neck brace. So with everything in place, it was time for Hester to enroll at Wallace University and, even though the Dean saw right through her fake transcripts, she was still granted admission because of her severe spinal deformity. Finally the plan was in motion. But even more surprising was the fact that the Chanel’s were nowhere to be found and we find out later that Hester framed them for all of the murders. I admit, this plan was pretty epic.

Back in 2015, Denise finally shows up with her bad ass self and, hot damn shazam, let’s drop the mic!

Drop The Mic

Hester also shows up after having her eye patched up to explain everything. So how did the Chanels end up in prison? Well first, Hester had to find some actors to play her real parents since her birth records were missing. Then she had to convince Chanel #5’s parents to go along with the plan, which wasn’t too hard since they have wanted to disown their daughter ever since she could talk. Worst parents ever.

Hester was also able to frame Chanel #3 and Oberlin, which wasn’t too difficult. Hester basically explains to everyone that Chanel #3 had a split personality as Dirty Helen and it was so convincing that even Chanel #3 believed that she was cray cray. Plus, it didn’t help that her father was Charles Manson.

Say What Now

Denise is totally impressed with Hester’s sleuthin’ skills and her ice cold logic, so Denise ends up arresting the three girls using her new stripper cops and everyone just rolls with it. Looks like these rich dumb hoes are going downtown!

Rich dumb hoes going downtown

So after the Chanels were arrested, we get a glimpse into the future and catch up with Chad and Denise who apparently hooked up after Oberlin went to prison. Unfortunately, this power couple didn’t work out since they were chasing waterfalls when they should have stuck to the rivers and the lakes that they’re used to. Waterfalls is totally my jam!

Chad after breaking up with Denise

They also erected this memorial on campus in memory of all of those who died at the hands of the Red Devil. Obviously the Dean should not have let Chad Radwell write the inscription but I’m certainly glad she did. And so should you:

Chad's Monument to the dead

At this point, the Dean lets Hester know that she knows who the REAL killer since she could never forget the face of those babies from that fateful night in 1995. Of course, the Dean also murdered her ex-husband so there’s no chance she’s going to turn Hester in and they decide to walk away and return to their very happy and successful bestselling lives.

Hester and the Dean shaking hands

And finally we got to see what happened to the Chanels. After reaching a verdict of NOT GUILTY, Oberlin interrupts Judge Joe Brown before the jury can read their verdict and, obviously, they immediately change the verdict to guilty after she calls them hippos. Plus, Chanel #3’s Princess Leia hairstyle was the perfect way to cover her ears in prison (and we finally found out her real name: Sadie Swenson).

Rich Dumb Hoes In Prison

Plus, Simple Minds Don’t You Forget About Me was playing in the background while the Chanels were enjoying Asylum life! Be sure to hit play and jam out:

As it turns out, the Chanels were thrilled about Asylum life because they didn’t have to worry about the pressures of being the hottest or meanest. Plus, there were no boys so they could actually eat something other than cotton balls and dipping sauce. Chanel #3 went full lez, Chanel #5 and Oberlin actually became close friends after Chanel #5 went on meds that made her totally tolerable, and Oberlin became the new house president of Palmer Asylum. Yup, these dumb hoes learned absolutely nothing.

But did everything end well for the Chanels? We may never know but it didn’t look good for Oberlin when the Red Devil returned to the Asylum and our final scene looked as though she was about to be stabbed. And finally our scream-a-thon came to an end but not before we had one last scream from Oberlin:

Oberlin screaming one last time

And so ends our story ends with Hester completely getting away with the murders and three innocent, rich dumb hoes going to an Asylum. Indeed, this will be a ghost story that Denise Hemphill will be able to tell for the rest of her life. The End!

Scream Queens 'The End'

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY LIKES IT
Mikey Likes ItScream Queens 
ended on a high note and, even though the first season was a bit inconsistent, we were treated to a ton of laughs and a great cast of zany characters. I would have never expected to see a candle vlogger or a deaf version of Taylor Swift so overall, the series did a lot of things right. Plus, Denise, Chad and Hester were absolute stars this season and I swear I could have watched an entire series of just those three doing their thang!

So with Hester getting way with serial murder, this leaves a lot of possibilities for next season. Will any of our characters be returning and where will the next chapter take place? I did some brain storming and I think there is a lot of potential for the second season of Scream Queens. A summer camp theme would give the series a totally different vibe and would likely be hilarious. But I was also thinking these settings would work quite well too: a nunnery, a ski resort or a strip club. Lots of potential and I can’t wait to find out who’s returning and where the next story will take place.

So what did everyone think of the Scream Queen’s finale? Were you dropping the mic like Denise Hemphill or would you rather stab yourself in the eye with a high heel shoe? Let us know in the comments and I’d love to hear your ideas about potential settings for next season. Thanks for reading, fellow screamers! It’s been a blast.