Scream Queens: ‘Haunted House’ Review

Scream Queens Chanel-O-Ween

Happy Chanel-O-Ween! That’s right, Scream Queens kicked off the Halloween season with the first of three frightening episodes. Haunted House was full of laughs, surprises and awesomeness that we have come to love from this show. We’re only four episodes into the series and I admit that I am completely addicted like a stoner who has the munchies and a bag full of Halloween candy.

The first three episodes set the bar super high for this series and I think Scream Queens slowed the funny down this week to focus more on the overarching story and I don’t think this was a good thing. Haunted House lacked a lot of the laughs and gaffs we have become accustomed to and it also lacked the jams. Did anyone else notice that there wasn’t any fun song selections this time around?

I suppose the story progressed quite a bit with a number of new reveals but I just can’t help but feel this could have been a lot better. Not only that, there was not enough Denise Hemphill and that is never a good thing.

So what did everyone get for Chanel-O-Ween? I ended up getting the rotting Jack-O-Lantern but I really wanted my own White Mammy. Be sure to check out the video below for that awesome intro which was easily the best part of the episode and enjoy the review, screamers!

Pumpkins and Blumpkins

Our episode kicks off right where we left off with Dean Munsch getting questioned by the po-po but it’s obvious that she didn’t shimmy anywhere in that nightgown. Or did she? Dean Munsch is munching her way to the top of our suspect list with her suspiciously jealous behavior but this is all shrugged off by the detective.

Denise, the greatest security officer ever, runs in to announce the attempted murder of one of the golf frat douchebags after the Red Devil was doing his best Backstreet Boys impression with a chainsaw.

One Step Ahead of the Po Po

We also catch up with Grace and Pete. They arrive at a trailer in the woods to meet up with one of the former Kappa Kappa Tau girls regarding the night where the pregnant sorority sister died after giving birth. Dinner looks like it came from Chanel-O-Ween…seasoned armadillo with no head. Anyone hungry?

Road Kill Picnic

She also has a pet squirrel! Pete puts on his best Matthew McConaughey impression while questioning Mandy, the sorority-girl-turned-trailer-trash. This whole scene was obviously a nod to True Detective’s first season, in case you didn’t catch this. We go to a flashback where they are still trying to figure out where to dispose of the Kappa sister’s body. And OMG, White Mammy suggests that she turn the dead body into sausages and sell them at the farmer’s market. I miss Ms. Bean.

Dean Munsch ends up taking the girls to dig a grave so they can hide the body. The last thing she wants is anyone to find out about this ‘accident’ and would rather continue her career as Dean.

Get Diggin'

The sorority girls follow her instructions and it was pretty funny seeing them in a half-dug grave in their party clothes.

Diggin' Your Own Grave

Mandy thinks Dean Munsch is the devil but is she the Red Devil? Even more surprising, however, is when Mandy reveals that the baby from 1995 was actually female. It looks like Chad and Boone can no longer be that baby. We also don’t know if the ’90s baby is the Red Devil so we’re not much closer to solving this insanely ridiculous mystery.

And we’re not done with more murder either because the sorority sister from ’95 ends up getting butchered in her trailer.

The Red Devil's In The Details

I believe that’s kill #5 for our Red Devil’s and it would have been six but that bro who had his arms sliced off somehow survived the chainsaw attack.

We catch up with the Chanel’s and their pledges and they are carving up some pumpkins. Chanel #3’s was easily the most hilarious.

Manson-o-Lantern

She carved Charles Manson into her pumpkin, obvs since she thinks he’s her dad. So random and so good. Hester and Jennifer also had memorable carvings. Chanel’s reaction to Neckbrace carving Chad into her pumpkin was great, but Jennifer going with Hurricane Andrew heading for the state of Florida was even greater.

Zayday also announces that she’s running for KKT president with her “Yes, I Can” pumpkin as well as hosting a haunted house for charity and Oberlin is none to happy about the announcement. It looks like Chanel and Zayday are going to have a showdown at some point.

She runs off to her room to go sharpen some knives because that’s her jam. Her Chanel sisters try to console her but Oberlin ends up clumsily waving the knives around like a psycho. It was also great when she says that Zayday is going to win the KKT presidency because we live in the age of Obama. Clearly, this delicious cookie is not smart enough to be the Red Devil but she is definitely fabulous!

Scream Queens Chanel-O-Ween

Cemetery Seduction

We catch up with Chad who decides to go for a late night jerk off session in the cemetery (and no I am not making this up) because Chad is totally into having sex with corpses. He is confronted by Hester, the new Chanel #6, and she immediately seduces Chad with a plan to get to the top of KKT. Chad wants to have sex on top of Dorothy’s corpse (LOL) but Hester denies him because that’s not creepy enough for her. Literally.

"Dorothy Ann Jesperson...sup?"

This scene was pure jokes with Hester trying to seduce Chad in the cemetery in the most over-the-top way. It was obvious she was referring to a haunted house the entire time, especially when she said she was going to let Chad in the backdoor, but Chad is more concerned with having sex on top of Dorothy. Hilarious stuff.

Back at school, Wes’ film studies class is completely dedicated to horror movies for the entire semester and this week he was showing his class Children of the Corn and talking about how it would suck to be murdered by a child. No arguments here. After class, Grace confronts her father because she thinks she might be the ’95 baby who was born in a bathtub. Her dad tells her she’s been sniffing too much bath salt and Grace storms out only to receive a text message from Pete.

She meets up with him at a haunted house on Shady Lane and all of a sudden Zayday, Earl and Denise join them. Denise starts telling the story about the hag that supposedly lives there. The house was occupied by a woman who was moaning and howling about her dead children while staring out the front window. Also, it’s worth nothing that Denise is the best storyteller ever. Here is my reaction when she’s talking:

Scream Queens Ghost Stories

It turns out that people just assumed the hag was really just local crackheads smoking crack in the house but someone eventually saw a woman foraging through garbage. We later find out that she was foraging for old dolls. Creepy. I don’t really know how I felt about this plot piece. It just seemed to get in the way of the humor but I guess it was necessary.

Denise once again randomly accuses Zayday of being one of the Red Devil’s. Zayday turns the tables on her though when she reveals that Denise was also a part of KKT in 1988. We get a flashback of Denise being rejected by the sorority which led to her dropping out of Wallace University and going to community college instead. Looks like Denise Hemphill has a motive of her own.

'80s Denise

Also, another awesome quote from Denise:

That's Good Sleuthin'

So it looks like someone is probably going to get murdered at Zayday’s costume party. Is there anyone better than Denise Hemphill at this point? The answer is a definite nope.

Haunted House Party

We catch back up with our sorority sisters when Oberlin takes her sisters out to lunch where they are eating cotton balls and dipping sauce. Noms!

It Tastes Cottony

Also, completely hilarious that Oberlin keeps referring to Hester as “poo belly”. The sisters are stopped by some random dude who’s going as a guy who is having awesome sex with them for Halloween. Best costume ever. Also super douchey.

Kappa Kappa Douche

Hester ends up kicking the frat bro right in the coney.

Scream Queens Kick In The Nuts

Ow, my jack-o-lantern’s hurt just from watching that. Ladies, you will never understand just how painful that is (much like I’ll never understand how painful childbirth is). The sisters completely beat the living shit out of the guy in the middle of the cafeteria, permanently ending his reputation with the ladies. They also did it to Belinda Carlisle’s Mad About You, yet another classic ’80s track and really, the only song featured in this episode. Check out the jam here:

Definitely not a good day to be a douchey frat bro.

Chanel Shakedown

Hester, the new Chanel #6, puts her plan in motion and meets up with Chad at the haunted house on Shady Lane. The house is filled with candles and it’s also holding Ms. Bean’s body which Hester mistakenly thinks is a wax replica with her face burned off.

A wax replica of Ms. Bean with her face burned off

Classic. Of course, this isn’t the house of wax and it’s actually Ms. Bean’s dead body and once Chad and Hester discover this, they freak right the fuck out. Shondell, Coney, Chanel #2 and Mandy are also in the house and they’re all super dead. At least we finally found out what happened to Coney’s body:

Coney Baloney

First they kill off Deaf Taylor Swift and now Coney. I wish these two had lasted longer. This leads to Chad and Hester running out of the house screaming and who can blame them! Plus, this happened:

Chad Screaming Like A Queen

I still can’t decide on who my favorite character is but Chad Radwell is definitely one of the candidates. His facial expressions are priceless.

Then they announce to the school that the house on Shady Lane is crawling with dead bodies which leads to everyone going directly there for a haunted house party because dead bodies are totally cool at Wallace University. Even the 911 operator heard about the party and thinks Zayday is making prank calls. Unfortunately, Zayday ends up in the hands of the Red Devil and is kidnapped.

After everyone finally realizes that these are real dead bodies, we catch back up with Dean Munsch at KKT where they discuss all of the victims found on Shady Lane. Grace somehow discovers that the hag on Shady Lane was stealing diapers and milk and they believe she was the one responsible for raising the 1995 baby. And as it turns out, the hag is actually GIGI!

High on Bath Salts?

Wait, WHAT!? I didn’t even realize this was her at first. I guess this explains why Gigi wasn’t present for most of this episode but I definitely didn’t see this coming. I think it would be way too obvious if Gigi ends up being the Red Devil, especially considering she was attacked in the previous episode, but I am curious to find out how the girl whose psyche is trapped in the ’90s is connected with the events that transpired in 1995.

So what did you think of Haunted House? Did it scare the White Mammy out of you? And does anyone have a clue who the Red Devil is? Let us know in the comments.

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY  DISLIKES IT (but only a little)
Mikey Dislikes It

Scream Queens first of three Halloween episodes started things off right but points were subtracted because there was a lack of Denise saying funny shit in this episode. To be honest, I wasn’t that thrilled with this episode in comparison to the three that preceded it. It seemed to lack a lot of the funny moments that I have come to expect from this series.

The discovery of all of the dead bodies was also a letdown. I was really hoping that White Mammy was somehow still alive but alas, it’s not to be. Sure, there were some funny moments in the haunted house like when the entire school went to go party with the bodies but I think I would have enjoyed the mystery of the missing bodies more than this new haunted house hag. It seems pretty obvious to me that Gigi was the girl at KKT who ended up raising the baby on Shady Lane. But we have no clue if she has any connection to the Red Devil in any way, although it seems likely considering all of the bodies were found in that dirty house. Then again, that is probably too obvious.

Lastly, Scream Queens started off with some great dark comedy but it may have hurt the entire story. All of these surprises and reveals were supposed to be shocking but I didn’t really seem to care that much about these twists and turns. I’m more concerned with watching Denise Hemphill out-sleuth the po-po! It may be true that the comedy aspect of the series is interfering with the seriousness of the plot but I’m still all for it because this show would not be the same without a funny bone. Hope you enjoyed the recap, fellow screamers. Be sure to vote for who you think is behind the Red Devil mask and also check out the promo for next week’s episode, titled Pumpkin Patch, which I can only assume is going to focus on Chanel’s haunted pumpkin patch party. Happy Chanel-o-Ween everyone!