Scream Queens: ‘Pumpkin Patch’ Review

Scream Queens 'Blumpkin Patch'

Scream Queens second of three Halloween episodes, titled Pumpkin Patch, had a ton of great movie references but failed to bring the funny. Don’t get me wrong, the episode had its fair share of funny moments but they seem to be recycling too many jokes now which are not nearly as funny the second time around.

That said, Scream Queens is still a show worth watching. It’s highly entertaining and the cast of characters is so original and unique that it would be a mistake to stop tuning in. But something seems to be missing in terms of the quality of the humor lately. Not that it’s an easy task to make us laugh our asses off every week. The focus this time around was on Zayday after her kidnapping last week but we also had a major reveal that should change up our mystery big time. Even though it ended up being fairly predictable based on what we saw in the last episode, I welcome this plot twist with open arms.

We also finally got to see the screamer-iffic opening title sequence. I knew this existed before the premiere but I was surprised they hadn’t aired it up until now. You can see the entire intro below, in all of its scream-filled glory. Enjoy the review Screamers.

Flying Off The Candle

It’s not Chanel #5’s fault that some guy died in the ’70s. It’s also not Oberlin’s and apparently Led Zeppelin isn’t going to be at the big pumpkin patch party. This was the basis of an argument between Oberlin and her 5th-in-line and it doesn’t end well. Chanel decides that they’ll be going as the wives of fallen president’s who have been assassinated for Chanel-o-ween which leads to more arguing from Chanel #5. Oberlin tells her to get lost and Chanel #5 finally makes good on her word and leaves. But not before Hester lets her know where the door is.

"There's the door, bitch"

Lea Michele is doing a phenomenal job as Neckbrace so far and it looks like Denise Hemphill might have some competition for Scream Queens funniest character.

Dean Munsch calls for a meeting with both the KKT and the Dickey Dollar Scholars since they are the students most likely to be murdered by the Red Devil. The Dean makes a decision to close down the campus which means the pumpkin patch party is officially cancelled…for now. Chad attempts to save the day with a great speech about how Halloween is the sluttiest night of the year but the plan backfires when Dean Munsch immediately rejects his argument by wondering how he was even admitted into college in the first place. I can’t say I have ever seen any ‘slutty Al Qaeda’ costumes but this is Scream Queens and Jennifer is especially disappointed because Halloween is the biggest candle night of the year.

Jennifer is super fucking weird but I love every minute of her. She has a massive ant farm in her room that houses around one million ants and her obsession with candles has her very pissed off with Dean Munsch’s decision. Pretty much everything involving Jennifer was a gong show, especially her reaction to Chanel having a closet full of Diptyque candles that she lights once and then throws away because they’re used.

Jennifer reacts to Chanel's Diptyque candles

I was laughing my ass off when this happened and I thought placing more focus on Jennifer was exactly what we needed because any girl who has an obsession with candles and a gigantic ant farm in her room is clearly going to be the life of the party.

Hester, Jennifer and Chanel #5 come up with a plan to bring down Oberlin so Hester can run the show behind the scenes. They devise a plan to throw the vote to Zayday and ultimately destroy Oberlin’s chances of remaining President. And things get worse for Oberlin when she is arrested for the murder of Ms. Bean.


Questions aplenty after Chanel is on her way to prison. Who ended up ratting her out for killing Ms. Bean? All of the KKT girls have a motive and all of them want Oberlin out of the picture.

Chanel Is The New Black

With Chanel in prison, the girls are having a pretend dinner and, OMG, the sound of a knife scraping against an empty plate is not something I ever want to hear. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of an eargasm and was totally not cool. And why do these idiot girls never eat anything? I don’t think that is sending a very good message and the anorexia jokes are getting old.

Pretend Lunch

I did, however, fucking LOVE Hester’s cherry earrings. They are totally firenza, right?

The scene with Chanel in prison reminded me of Orange is the New Black. Chanel is wearing one of those orange jumpsuits and hanging out with her new prison buddies. One of them, Milli, is a huge fan of Oberlin since Chanel had sent her a fake severed foot filled with jelly beans at last year’s Chanel-o-Ween, right before she killed a gas station attendant.

Chanel Is The New Black

The irony of this entire scene was classic though. I mean, you’d expect Chanel to get completely ripped apart in prison but instead she makes friends with murderers. Chanel finally gets bailed out by her sisters, Chanel #3 and Jennifer, but as we know, this is all part of their plan. They also let Oberlin know that it was her good friend Chanel #5 who ratted her out to the po po.

Rumor Has It

Meanwhile, Denise is back at it again, with her new friend Dean Munsch and they’re having a pow wow about their sexual escapades with Chad Radwell. Denise, once again, is doing her thang:

You Got The Right To Remain Sexy

Can’t get enough of Denise Hemphill! It’s also revealed that Dean Munsch has hired a security company to find Zayday and Denise is tasked with the job. Course, she has other plans in mind like throwing Zayday in jail for murder. Maybe Denise is right about this too, wouldn’t that be a completely hilarious outcome.

We caught up with Zayday as well who is still trapped on Shady Lane in some type of pit and it looks like she has it pretty good so far. In fact, both Zayday and Chanel ended up as prisoners and both of them had little difficulty adapting to their new habitat. We get a short tour of the Red Devil’s lair while Culture Club’s ‘Do You Really Want To Hurt Me’ plays in the background. You can check out the track below:

And now it’s time to break Zayday out so Wes, Gigi, Grace, Pete and Denise get together to devise a plan to try and find Zayday. Gigi, who we know is also the hag on Shady Lane, has an overabundance of information about the house. She also comes up with the most ridiculous theory as to how they can find Zayday (which involved going to every local car wash)  to which Denise replies, “That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” And she’s not wrong. Especially when it came to the entire story involving Gigi and Grace’s dad. I didn’t care for this part of the episode at all and Grace is probably the only character that lacks personality. Not much happened other than Grace walking in on her father and Gigi getting it on to some Black Velvet. It’s probably also worth noting that Dean Munsch is super jealous of this relationship but I’m not really sure how this is going to play out now knowing that Gigi isn’t all she seems to be.

Also, what the hell are Oakland nachos?

Hedge Maze of Glory

Chanel #5 and two of the Dickey Dollar Scholars are forced to break curfew after Oberlin demands Chanel #5 light all of the Jack-o-Lantern’s for her pumpkin patch party. Obviously the Red Devil shows up with some garden sheers which leads to the threesome running into the hedge maze that also happens to be based off of The Shining. In typical Scream Queens fashion, Roger and Dodger decide to stop in the middle of the hedge maze to ask Chanel #5 to pick one of them because they are sick and tired of sharing her. Then, the dumbest, most hilarious thing happens when Chanel #5 chooses Roger and they realize that they are leaving footprints in the fake snow. They decide the best way around this is to walk backwards which is obviously beyond stupid since they would be walking right into the hands of the Red Devil. No one said these cookies were smart. Of course, things don’t end well for Dodger.


We head back to Shady Lane and the group heads into the house which also happens to be the Red Devil’s hideout. Denise and Gigi are searching a room filled with various saws until the Red Devil turns the lights out, leaving them in the dark since Denise forgot the flashlights. While scrambling around the room in the dark, it was only a matter of time before someone’s boobs got tasered and that was exactly what happened to Gigi. Luckily, Gigi is able to shoot the Red Devil before any further damage is done.

Denise tracks down the rest of the crew but by the time they return to the room where Gigi was tasered, the Red Devil has somehow already escaped. And after looking everywhere for Zayday, Denise is completely convinced that she is the killer leading to some of the greatest facial expressions ever:


I Think Not!

COINCIDENCE? I think not! Denise is a walking meme and .gif machine. I can’t stop watching her facial expressions.

Back at the sorority house, Chanel officially calls a vote for the next KKT President. Apparently, Zayday was able to escape the Red Devil’s lair and returns just in the nick of time for the vote. Zayday explains to the group how she was able to escape and it wasn’t all that difficult. The Red Devil wanted to have a nice dinner with Zayday, he even made her favorite Oakland nachos, but she was able to stab him in the hand with a fork before we ever find out what his plan was for her.

Date with the Devil

Oakland nachos will now forever be a part of my vocabulary even if I have no idea what they are. Chanel accuses Zayday of making up the entire story but then Grace shows up to back her up, having just returned from the house on Shady Lane. Regardless, Chanel wants the vote to happen still but it looks like we’re going to have to wait until the next episode to find out who wins.

The big reveal came at the very end though when we see Gigi being followed by one of the Red Devil’s but as it turns out, he’s not trying to kill her. In fact, it looks like Gigi is in #cahoots with our Red Devil friends. This really shouldn’t come as a surprise considering Gigi is the hag on Shady Lane, where they were holding Zayday captive, and since she let the Red Devil escape earlier when they were searching the house. It was good to see them moving this plot along because I don’t think I can wait an entire season to find out who is behind all of the murders. It looks like Gigi, the girl with the ’90s psyche, is the head spice girl in charge but now we’re all wondering who she is giving the orders to and why.

I would also like to know who she wants Mr. Red Devil to take out next. It’s probably either Pete or Grace’s dad since they were the only two males present during Zayday’s escape. With that said, I gotta run…I got a salad date 😉

"I've got a salad date."

The Verdict

Mikey Dislikes It

I was once again on the fence with this episode. On the one hand, the plot seemed to pick up and now that we know Gigi is involved, it adds a new twist to the Red Devil mystery. On the other hand, this still wasn’t as funny as the first three episodes. I’m hoping this isn’t a new trend though. I do love how everyone is so over-the-top with their characters but I feel like some of the jokes are dragging on. This show is much better when it’s coming up with new and hilarious dialogue but they keep recycling jokes from previous episodes and it’s simply not as funny the second time around. We get it…Denise is dead set on Zayday being the killer and the girls like to eat cotton balls with dipping sauce. It’s just getting old when we have to hear about it every week.

Points were awarded for Denise’s facial expressions, the frat boy who got his arms sawed off turning up alive and well and Jennifer freaking out about Chanel’s candles but it wasn’t enough for Mikey to give this a like. There were too many recycled jokes and the plot twist at the end was a bit predictable. I also really hated that scene where the girls were pretending to eat dinner. Was it really necessary to have Hester scrape her empty plate with that knife? Holy fuck do I ever hate that sound and I’m guessing a lot of you do too.

So what did everyone think of Pumpkin Patch? Would you rank this episode higher on the funny meter in comparison to the previous four episodes? Do you have a craving for some Oakland Nachos? We want to hear from you in the comments! And be sure to vote below on who you think is the Red Devil. Thanks always for reading, fellow screamers!