Shameless: ‘Paradise Lost’ Review

Shameless 'Another Day, Another Gallagher'

“She’s so beautiful.” -Deb

Shameless gave birth to another Gallagher with Paradise Lost and Debs is officially a mom, much to my disappointment. As I’ve been saying all season long, having this baby is a terrible idea and Debbie is certainly going to have her hands full given the fact that she’s only fifteen and must now find a way to take care of a little baby girl. Good luck!

As much as I absolutely love this show, I have not connected with this season at all. Sure, Carl’s thug life plot was hilarious in every way but now that he’s changing his ways, this leaves the Gallagher boys with a rather yawn-filled storyfest. Lip is developing a drinking problem (and a ‘urinating on people while drinking’ problem), Carl is playing cops and robbers and Ian is on his way to becoming an EMT so long as he lies about his mental illness. It was another typical week of Shameless. Also, Caleb literally puts me to sleep every week. Ian…you know what to do!

The highlight of the episode for me was Deb’s midwife, who pretty much made me laugh every single time she was on the screen. And no, I am definitely not accepting her challenge! I have to admit that I did enjoy this brief trip to the local commune but now that Debbie has given birth, where do we go from here? With only two episodes left, I’m not even sure what could possibly happen since nothing major has yet to go down for any of the Gallaghers, unless you count Fiona’s divorce which I do not. It’s time to mix things up big time, show!

Now let’s all drink from a penis and enjoy the review, fellow Gallaghers!

Mama Debbie

Deb is still at the local commune and she’s just about ready to have her baby so you know what that means….it’s time for the birthing tent. Sounds great, right? Well it isn’t because the birthing tent doesn’t come with all the same luxuries and is, in fact, ghetto as fuck. It also comes equipped with the local midwife but she hasn’t delivered a baby in quite some time:

“I haven’t delivered a baby since 1983.”

This is obviously the sketchiest birthing tent you’ll ever see and I think it’s safe to say that Deb is having doubts. Meanwhile, Frank has shown a ton of interest in the poppy house. This is obviously due to the fact that all Frank wants to do is get stoned on opium. He eventually goes looking for Debbie but Queenie informs him that she’s moved tents to give birth. She also informs him that he’s been challenged. By Jupiter. In the pit. Yup, this is totally a thing at the commune.

I challenge you to a duel."

I don’t know about you guys but I would not be getting in there with that dude. I honestly have no idea what that pit is filled with but it looks totally gross and ya, no thanks. Frank, on the other hand, accepts Jupiter’s challenge and apparently this is a cause for excitement around the commune. Just ask the midwife who pretty much had the best reaction ever:

A challenge

Frank and Jupiter battle it out in the pit until Frank grabs a handful of Jupiter balls and makes him say uncle, leaving Frank victorious. This only means one thing and if you guessed that Frank was going to start fucking every woman on the commune regardless of age, you would be exactly correct because that is exactly what he did. And it was totally gross as fuck, especially this.

“I can’t do doggy style because of my bad leg”

I’d apologize for including the above image but this is a Shameless review so what the fuck did you expect? 🙂

Deb still has her hands full with the midwife who has clearly not had any work over the last 30 years. I don’t know about you, but I definitely would never let this chick come anywhere near me with that hook. Nor am I letting her stimulate my nipples.

Sometimes a baby comes faster when the nipples are stimulated

Deb obviously had the same idea and she convinces Frank to take her back home so she can have the baby somewhere less creepy. Honestly, that midwife was freakin’ hilarious but Deb totally made the right call getting the hell outta there! The same can’t be said for Frank though since those gangsters are still kinda pissed at Frank for ripping them off.

Admittedly, I was almost certain Deb was never going to have this baby but boy was I ever wrong. Now we’re all saying hi to baby Francis, the newest member of the Gallagher clan. I definitely don’t agree with the name choice either considering Frank was the influence for the name. It looks like Debs is now going to have a baby to take care of and the real fun is definitely just beginning for her. I imagine Shameless is about to explore the joys of parenting and it’s still quite possible that 15-year old Deb could be giving up baby Francis for adoption. Bets, anyone?

Oh, and can’t forget about Frank who took his new gangster friends back to the commune to show them the opium den. The only problem, however, is there isn’t any opium, just poppies! And unfortunately, Remembrance Day is months away.

Poppyin' Dem Thangs

Bachelorette Party

Fiona is getting married once again and Sean is moving into the Gallagher home and his ex is surprisingly cool with it, even if their son Will found a gun on the premises. Fiona is on the hunt for her mother’s old wedding dress which her and Vee eventually find in storage. Once again, Svetlana is right when she says this about marriage:

“Marriage is government document only... green card!”

I also have to take a minute to complain that they got rid of Carl’s slide which is a total disappointment. That was one epic addition to the Gallagher home and it sucks to see it go.

Kev interrupts V and Lana’s slumber party and still wants them to drop the marriage idea. I have no idea why this bothers Kev so much considering the fact that he’s already married to someone else. His bar regulars pretty much sum it up perfectly. Kev wants to keep Vee and Svetlana from getting real married because he’s fake married to Vee and wants to get real married someday. Got it? Good! To be honest, I don’t even think Kev gets it and he’s trying to find an alternative solution on the Internet.

Kev meets a guy off craigslist and he’s all paranoid that the guy he’s meeting with is actually a cop. In reality, however, this guy is just a terrible counterfeiter and the documentation that Kev ends up purchasing is complete crap.

For Fiona’s bachelorette party, Vee and Lana take her to the male strip club. They somehow convinced the Alibi regulars to get their strip on, Magic Mike style, and even Kev joined in on the action. That said, I could have definitely gone without seeing Kermit’s frog but at least we got to see Kev drink from a penis.

I've never dranken from a penis before

He’s definitely gonna need that drink after Vee tells him that her and Svetlana are officially hitched. Obvs Kev isn’t too happy about this but this story is pretty much strictly for comedy relief. As Vee said, it’s just a piece of paper and I can’t imagine anything worthwhile is going to come from this story. Where’s Yanis and that whole gentrification story when ya need ’em?!

Carl In Charge

Carl meets his new girlfriend Dominique for breakfast but it doesn’t go quite as planned. You’ll remember that Dominique’s father is a cop and he’s a hard ass who doesn’t trust Carl whatsoever. He also shares the same name as Officer Winslow from the ’90s sitcom Family Matters and he even kinda looks like an older version of Carl Winslow. With all of those psychologically traumatizing encounters with Urkel, I can understand Officer Winslow’s attitude.

“This better not be like Urkel all over again.”

It wouldn’t surprise me if Netflix is already salivating at the thought of a Family Matters reboot called ‘Family Matterers’. Please Netflix, never make this happen. Ever.

Officer Winslow asks Carl to come along for a ride in his cop car even though he still thinks Carl is a piece of shit. It becomes evident that Officer Winslow thinks Carl is tied up with the wrong things but what he doesn’t understand is that Carl is out of the game now. The new hairstyle should be a dead giveaway.

Carl and Officer Winslow end up chasing down some thugs but there’s two of them, which leads to Carl getting involved with the action. He takes down one of the suspects because Carl is the law, motherfucker.

The law, motherfucker

It looks like Carl is back on the right path and it definitely helps that he has a police officer to hang out with now. I can’t believe Carl has quickly turned around his entire life and his story has been one of the highlights of the season. Of course, the same can’t be said for his older brothers who appear to be caught in some rather boring plots.

Lip has been dealing with a ton of shit and he’s unable to finish his midterm grading for Professor Youens, who is in a good mood because his paper is getting published. He also feels like lecturing Lip about life but Youens is fucking wrong when he tells Lip that he should start thinking about building a career rather than what a job pays. Kids…always take the job that pays the most money because it makes life easier and, since life totally fucking blows, you should always worry about your wallet first. Fuck unpaid internships especially!

Lip ends up getting booted out of the sorority house after he decided to use the entire house, and some of the sorority sisters, as a bathroom. He also has to deal with counselling which would totally blow if you’re a college student who likes doing some partying from time to time. Lip has no choice but to attend or he’s getting expelled. And if that’s not enough, he also didn’t finish those midterm grades for Professor Youens and discovered that the old professor took credit for all of their ideas. Naturally, Lip basically told Professor Youens to go fuck himself.

Your taking a shit in my mouth and saying you bought me dinner

If I’m Lip, I’m totally doing the same thing. Expectations these days have skyrocketed to impossible levels and Sweet Brown said it best…ain’t nobody got time for that!

And just when you think things can’t get much more boring, Ian gets tested for HIV but he’s more concerned with his EMT test since getting HIV is apparently no big deal now. Things get super awkward when the nurse starts asking Ian about his sexual history. Ian gets a little shy because Caleb is around and because Ian used to be a dirty man whore so the nurse eventually asks Caleb to leave. I seriously don’t like one thing about this Caleb guy and wanting to know Ian’s sexual history is a bit weird to me. Dating or not, the past is the past so mind your own business. If I’m Ian, I would have already let this one go.

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES CHALLENGES 

Mikey Dislikes ItNormally I’m all for a good challenge but when it comes to the Shameless version, I’m taking a pass and so should you. The fact that Debbie actually went through with this pregnancy is beyond frustrating knowing that she is going to struggle. The fun is only just beginning and Debs is about to find out how much work motherhood actually is and we’re obviously going along for the ride. I still have a gut feeling that she’s going to realize it’s too much at her age and eventually give up baby Francis for adoption.

The rest of the Gallagher’s haven’t done much this season and that trend continued in Paradise Lost. Carl has been the highlight of the Gallagher siblings and it’s been fun watching him switch to the good side but Ian and Lip appear to be caught in a continual loop of the same old shit. For whatever reason, I haven’t found their stories to be all that entertaining, or funny, and hopefully both Lip and Ian move on to bigger and better things. For Lip, he will need to ditch the academia and the sooner he does, the better for all of us. And for Ian…well, just get rid of Caleb and we’ll be good to go!

I think Shameless is a whole lot better when it sticks to its roots and tackles serious issues with a comedic twist. This season though, they seem to be trying to hard to make us laugh instead of coming up with real and relatable stories. Don’t get me wrong, I still find myself laughing almost every episode and a bad episode of Shameless is a lot funnier than most comedies on TV but this season has suffered from a unfocused story and I hope this starts to change as we close out season six.

So what did everyone think of Paradise Lost? Are you accepting every challenge thrown your way? Or are you ready for an old-fashioned nipple stimulation from the midwife? Let us know all of your thoughts in the comments and thanks for reading, fellow Gallagher fans! And don’t forget to say hello to baby Francis!!!

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