South Park: ‘You’re Not Yelping’ Review

South Park: Today's Special

South Park returned last night after taking a week off and the newly built Whole Foods has brought a vibrant restaurant industry into the Shi Tpa Town district. The results were fucking hilarious. First off, anytime the residents of South Park decide they need to start looting you know it’s going to be a good time. Second, the song at the end had me on the floor laughing. Not only was it catchy as hell, but it was vulgar, disgusting and awesome! South Park at its best.

With Yelpers taking over the town, it was only a matter of time before all hell broke loose and Whistling Willy was the one to get it all started. We even had the introduction of a new character, David (or Daveed as Cartman pronounces it), a kid who recently moved to town from Idaho and whose family runs a local Mexican restaurant.

Hopefully none of my readers are yelpers because you are about to be extremely offended. Enjoy the review and just remember to be careful next time you decide to go out for dinner.

Boogers and Cum

Kyle’s dad, Gerald, is now a professional ‘Yelper’ who uses this to his advantage when him and Randy decide to check out a new restaurant. Apparently, all the restaurateurs are worried about getting a bad rating so they will do anything in their power to accommodate the yelpers.

This review for Applebees has turned into a 50-pager

We also meet the newest kid in town when Cartman goes to a local Mexican restaurant for taquitos. Obviously Cartman is also a yelper and starts ripping on the new kid for being Mexican (even though he’s from Idaho). In my opinion, these jokes were the least funny of the episode but Cartman can still produce some funny lines every now and then.

It was like being raped from the inside

As it turns out, the entire town is also yelping their way through the night. Reviewing restaurants is tough work and people rely on these reviews. Even the police chief is pulling an all-nighter because of his bad experience at Red Lobster. And people need to know where to eat, yo! This show is at its best when it’s making fun of ridiculous things that are actually occurring in our insane world.

This also wouldn’t be South Park without shit hitting the fan and that is exactly what happens when Whistlin’ Willy loses his cool and kicks all of the yelpers out of his restaurant. And oh man, Whistlin’ Willy was just awesome as he was yelling at yelpers to get the fuck out. Best mascot ever.

Powwwer Back

After doing this, Mr. Kim rejoices and runs around town letting everyone know that no one gives a fuck about yelp reviewers anymore. Of course, Cartman is livid about this and decides he needs to do something to bring respect back to food critics everywhere. He sends letters to every food yelper in town for a meeting at his place. The entire town ends up showing up since every single person is apparently a yelp reviewer now. Cartman announces that he should be the “real” food analyst in town but naturally everyone thinks they are referring to themselves. Plus, this guy:


POWWWWER BACK! And holy fuck, this is why I love this show. The yelpers are pissed because they can no longer review restaurants and want to be “respected” again even though they are basically ruining the respect of all of the local restaurants from their yelp reviews. Does it get any better than that? The answer is yes because the entire plan revolves around doing this:

Yelpers fight back

Obviously destroying the fuck out of Whistling Willy’s was the only option and rioting for the dumbest reasons imaginable is something this town does best so I’m all for it. Also, Whistling Willy ends up getting stripped and beheaded…

Stripped and Beheaded

…in hilarious South Park fashion since this beheading only involved the removal of his costume. As we all expected, Cartman thinks he’s the leader and is gonna use his power to finally get what the town really needs but every yelper thinks the same thing, including Gerald with his ridiculous corn cob pipe.

Shi Tpa Town is under attack because the yelpers have turned the entire district into a war zone which leads to our new character from Idaho, David, calling out the head yelper in charge. All of the yelpers show up and think they’re all extremely important to South Park but really they are complete douchebags and no one really gives a shit about their food reviews. They simply think it’s all about them. Maybe it’s time to start using Yelp to review people! Wouldn’t that be some kind of wonderful.

Kyle comes up with a plan to give every yelper in town a special badge of honor so as to satisfy their own smugness and the ending was just hands down one of the most disgusting, and fucking hilarious, things I have seen on this series. Especially Mr. Kim:

Mr. Kim jerks off in food

And if that wasn’t enough, one of the funniest songs I have ever heard started playing and probably grossed everyone out. Guess you’ll think twice next time before being a yelper, right? Kyle and David’s plan was absolutely brilliant. Giving everyone a badge in town so the restaurateurs can do very dirty things to their food was priceless in every way.

And in case you missed any of those fucking hilarious lyrics, I’ve reproduced them below so feel free to sing along! You know you want too:

‘Boogers and Cum’ Lyrics:

So you’re one of Yelpers special blessed, you demand a restaurant’s very best
Well they’re gonna treat you special I’m telling you chum, now get yourself ready for some boogers and cum
Boogers and cum, that’s called the Yelper’s special
Boogers and cum, say what’s that on your pretzel
Your online critiques are really useful to some, now have a good time eating boogers and cum
Boogers and cum, Someone farted on your salad
Boogers and cum, But your decor critiques are valid
You think your special like your a number one, but there’s a whole lot of special in boogers and cum
Boogers and cum, How about some feces with your flounder
Boogers and cum, You like that queefy quarterpounder?
What’s that spice that feels tangy on my tongue, Oh that’s an Yuzu Pepper along with some boogers and cum
Boogers and cum, Being a food critic’s easy
Boogers and cum, Oh ya feel a little queasy?
Do you need a diagnosis well the doctor’s got one,  Your stomach seems to be filled with boogers and cum
Boogers and cum, Piss in your potatoes
Boogers and cum, Some guy shit on your tomatoes
Alright fancy food critic it looks like you won, Now please enjoy all the boogers and cum

I’ve also included some hilarious memes using the lyrics below just because it was too funny to resist. Use these at your own discretion 🙂

Fart salad anyone?

Someone Farted On Your Salad

How about some Feces Flounder:

How Bout Some Feces With Your Flounder

Or a Queefy Quarterpounder:

You Like That Queefy Quarterpounder?

I thought this was a phenomenal end to the episode and the entire montage at the end was the perfect ending.

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY LIKES IT (And I’ll give it 5 stars because I don’t want boogers and cum in my food)
Mikey Likes It

I wouldn’t want my website to get a bad review from a yelper so I think I better give this a like. But actually, fuck Yelp because I just loved this episode. Seriously, the ending alone was enough to give this a like because I couldn’t stop laughing when that song started playing.

Once again, the social commentary regarding ‘yelping’ was phenomenal and the latest season of South Park has been full of epic laughs and funny plots. I am still thoroughly enjoying the new serialized nature of the show as well. The writers only seem to bring up minor details from the previous episodes, in this case the Whole Foods and the Shi Tpa Town District, and it works well. Every week is a brand new story with some loose end from the previous episode and I’m loving it.

I guess my only complaint was the new character, David. The Mexican jokes revolving around his character were not really that funny but he was definitely a necessity for the plot so I’m not faulting anyone for including him. Besides, him and Kyle came up with that insanely awesome plan at the end which produced Boogers and Cum, the funniest parody song I have ever heard.

So what did everyone think of You’re Not Yelping? Will you ever eat out again? Let us know in the comments and remember not to yelp at the dinner table…otherwise you might be getting a plate full of boogers and cum (LOL)! Thanks for reading, fellow South Parkers!