The Walking Dead: ‘Knots Untie’ Review

The Walking Dead 'A Great Big World'

“Your world is about to get a whole lot bigger.” -Jesus

The Walking Dead finally unlocked an additional part of the map with Knots Untie and it only took us six fucking seasons of play time to get here. And what is with that awful episode title? I’m not really sure what knot is being untied here but maybe they’re just referring to all the loose ends this series continues to dangle in front of us. At least we are finally moving on to bigger and better things with Jesus taking Rick and company to his Hilltop Colony, another settlement that no one has heard about until now. Further, we also learned a bit more about Negan and his Saviors who are apparently big bullies, demanding that Hilltop provide them with 50% of their supplies in exchange for the Saviors to refrain from murdering them one by one. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me if you enjoy living.

Also, did anyone else start laughing uncontrollably whenever someone mentioned Jesus’s name? There were so many ridiculous quotes that were simply hilarious if only because of the name Jesus. Any other name would have made this just regular dialogue so I’m thrilled that they introduced this so-called Jesus character from the comics.

And we finally know where this story is going with Rick’s group heading out to find the Saviors and bring them down. They’re also going to try to save a guy named Craig who is being held hostage. Mission totally accepted. Knots Untie was another ‘set-up’ episode but at least we’re finally going to get the showdown we have all been waiting for soon. So quick, grab a spear to bring to the gun fight and enjoy the review, fellow walkers!

Tying the Knot

Without a doubt, The Walking Dead is terrible at developing romantic relationships and that trend continued right into this episode. Maybe they should have called this episode ‘Tying the Knot’ instead because it seems like many of our characters are headed in that direction. Luckily for all of us, this isn’t The Walking Bride. Abraham clearly has the hots for Sasha but he’s too busy banging Rosita, who has had about a minute of airtime this entire season and is clearly in desperate need of something to do. Does anyone out there really care about this entire story? I have tried, over and over again, to feel something…anything…for these two but it’s just not happening. In fact, I’d argue that this only makes Abraham look like more of a tool because I much prefer him finding RPG’s and shooting walkers with machine guns. Plus, he had the line of the night with this hilarious question for Glenn:

“When you were pouring the Bisquick, you trying to make pancakes?”

For some unknown reason, Glenn actually said YES here which makes me immediately want to punch him in the face for making an educated decision to have a child during the zombie apocalypse. You might want to actually wait until things settle down a bit. Glenn, you are a fucking moron! You’d think one baby is already enough for these people but nope, Glenn totally needs a challenge so having another baby to slow him down by not being able to walk and blowing their cover by incessantly crying is the perfect way to change the difficulty level from Easy to Hard. As you can tell, I can’t stand this ‘family and friends’ crap so hopefully we start getting less time in the bedroom and more time with Negan’s baseball bat.

But hey, if Carl is cool with it…then I guess I am too.

Richonne Motherfucker

King Of The Hilltop

As it turns out, there are actually other groups of people in the world also trying to survive the zombie apocalypse. Jesus is one of those people and apparently he’s got an entire settlement of friends that he wants Rick to trade with. And isn’t it about damn time. I absolutely loved this part of the story because it’s finally going to open up the world and (hopefully) show us how some of these other groups have been surviving. Plus, even though they said this will probably never happen, I can’t help but feel like there will be a crossover episode with Fear the Walking Dead at some point. Or maybe that’s just too cool of an idea for the writers. Either way, welcome to Hilltop:

You've Unlocked Hilltop Colony

Rick and all of his best people head to Hilltop, leaving Alexandria completely exposed to another attack because obviously no one has learned a fucking thing from the last time when they were attacked by a pack of wolves. I’m just going to pretend like they thought this through.

On the way to the new part of the map, Rick and his crew come across a car wreck with some dead walkers attached to it…

The Monday Morning Commute

…and we learn that these are Jesus’s people. I guess this particular Jesus doesn’t have the ability to perform miracles because these guys are super dead. There were some survivors though, one of which was WALKING AROUND LIKE A ZOMBIE which made my brain explode because how dumb is this guy. Thankfully, Abraham asks questions first and stabs you in the head later because this guy should have never survived.

-walker noises-

And I thought Sam was an idiot…until this dude Freddy came along and changed everything. I was immediately reminded of this Seinfeld clip which makes me laugh every single time:

I still can’t believe that moron was making walker noises and gimping around a dark hallway. It also looks like one of the survivors is a doctor so JACKPOT, especially if you’re Denise. Books can only take you so far. And apparently, the RV they took can only get them so far too since Rick somehow gets stuck in a giant mud puddle. As fortune would have it though, he got stuck RIGHT IN FRONT of Hilltop.

Convenience: When shit happens at the perfect time

Maybe this Jesus guy can perform miracles after all? Still, these guys don’t have access to massive amounts of guns and ammo so they should probably open the gates.

“Your guns are no match for our wooden spears!”

What in the fuck! These dudes are literally 10,000 B.C. with their wooden spears and log-shaped gate. I might as well just take the time to get this off my chest. As we all know, Rick ends up making a deal with the Hilltoppers but it’s also the dumbest deal ever which makes me truly believe that Rick should never be selected for the game show Deal or No Deal. Why would Rick promise to take care of Negan and his Saviors for food and supplies when they can literally just aim their GUNS and take anything they want? Seriously, Rick? They have WOODEN SPEARS for fuck sakes! I understand that they will eventually have to take care of this Savior problem one way or another but this didn’t make much sense at all.

Still, this Jesus guy is growing on me rather quickly and I kinda like the fact that he was able to convince Rick and his group to put their guns away for the time being. So Hilltop is totally country…they got trailers and crops and Barrington House, a huge living history museum inside a mansion. It’s the perfect building for scouting/security but the only problem is that a grumpy old man named Gregory lives there and he’s a complete dickhead.

“The jerkstore called. They ran out of me.”

Cheers and Spears

Rick decides that he doesn’t want to deal with this Gregory dude so he sends in the pregnant female to do his job since that is totally safe. Luckily, Maggie ain’t afraid of this douchebag so let the negotiations begin. Obviously Alexandria is running low on food and other such things so they need to start trading and Hilltop is the perfect town to make an alliance with. I still don’t understand why they don’t just shoot everyone, steal the food and then deal with Negan on a full stomach from two different home bases but let’s just roll with this. At least we’re done with the whole ‘settling in’ thing.

Unfortunately one of those people is Gregory, however, and he wants to make Maggie and the rest of Alexandria work for their dinner. He also wants to make Maggie his bitch but ‘Natalie’ as he calls her is having none of it. This is obviously going to take a little convincing but luckily Maggie has Jesus on her side. Of course, none of this matters when some of the Hilltoppers return with a message from Negan. That message is actually a knife which Ethan proceeds to lodge into Gregory’s gut. Karma traveled really really fast during this episode. So after Gregory is stabbed, all hell breaks loose as per usual and I’m certain that Rick and his crew are completely used to this kinda thing by now. Plus, we got to see Daryl completely shatter this random guys arm:

Daryl breaks random dudes arm

So I guess this is probably the reason Rick and company refrained from murdering everyone at Hilltop. Obviously, Negan has some very serious brainwashing abilities and was able to convince the Hilltoppers to turn against their own people. Of course, it’s time for Rick to promise that his group of people will gladly help take out Negan in exchange for food and medicine…and Dr. Carson. And I will allow this if Rick let’s a girl punch him in the face.

Random chick punches Rick in the face

Done, I’m in! And so are you. Rick getting knocked out by a chick is awesome…and it totally rhymes. Also, my advice after watching this episode is clearly to never bring a spear or shovel to a gun fight:

Don't bring a spear to a gun fight

I love how Rick just walks on screen with a gun. That’s classic in every way and it’s becoming fairly evident why the people of Hilltop have their hands full with Negan. And if you guessed it’s because they have NO GUNS, you would be absolutely fucking correct.

Dr. Carson is able to save Douchey Gregory which is totally unfortunate but at least everyone is starting to realize that there is a much bigger threat they need to deal with. Jesus tells us a parable about how they met the Saviors. Apparently, Negan’s crew arrived at Hilltop and met with Gregory. They also beat a 16-year old kid to death so the Hilltoppers would understand right off the ‘bat’. Those that have read the comics or spoilers know the significance of the word ‘bat’ here and this will become very clear once we finally meet Negan but for those that do know, that was a pretty cool easter egg.

So it looks like the Saviors are taking a 50% cut of all the food and supplies coming out of Hilltop but there is about to be a breach of contract because Rick and company are about to take over the contract after they promise to save a guy named Craig and exterminate the Saviors. Wait…who the fuck is Craig? And why are they using a whole bunch of names that either rhyme or sound similar. I’ve already been confused enough with the whole Carol, Daryl, Carl and Dale thing and now you want to introduce Greg and Craig in the same episode? Thanks, show!

I guess Craig was kidnapped by the Saviors and is being held hostage so we technically haven’t met him yet but in order for this deal to become official, it looks like Rick is going to have to get Craig back if they want to eat. Also, do you guys think Maggie was the real reason Gregory agreed to give them 50% or was it simply the fact that Rick’s group has a shit ton of guns while they only have wooden spears? I’ll take the latter here.

"Bitch, we want half."

While I do love where the story is headed, I did not like the execution in getting there. Once again, there was a whole lot of stupidity happening in this episode. Even though it made way more sense for Rick’s group to just take everything from Hilltop due to the fact that they have the guns in a gun vs. spear match, it also made sense that these people are going to work together instead. Negan is obviously one bad ass mofo if everything we have heard about him is true and I can’t wait until he finally makes an appearance and shakes things up. If there is one thing that is certain it’s that people are going to die and with the introduction of, like, ten new characters in this episode, I think it’s only a matter of time.

That’s What Jesus Said

I also made a list of quotes with the word Jesus in them from this episode. These wouldn’t be the same without adding a ‘Jesus’:

  • “We’re friends of Jesus.”
  • “We’re with Jesus, let’s go!”
  • “Jesus, what the hell is this?”
  • “Jesus will show you where you can get washed up, then come back down here when you’re ready.”
  • “Jesus told me your group saved Dr. Carson.”
  • “Jesus said you had land for gardens but no crops.”
  • “Jesus said that your food situation was challenged right now.”
  • “Jesus told you about our offer?”
  • “I’ll talk to Jesus and he’ll make the arrangements.”
  • “Jesus said you’ve been taking supplies to Negan since the beginning.”

The Verdict

Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES IT
Mikey Dislikes It

Finally, the story is actually going somewhere. I was on the fence with this episode but I just couldn’t bring myself to give it a like, if only for the execution of the story and the Hilltop people being absolutely useless. It’s like Alexandria all over again but at least both groups realize that they should probably come together and combine spear and gun to hunt down Negan and his Saviors. Apparently this is also how the post-apocalyptic spear gun was invented.

I really like the fact that the writers have brought in the trading aspect because this is probably what would happen during a real zombie apocalypse. Plus, this also opens the door for more run-ins with other groups of people who may have their own base as well. While I didn’t really like how this idiotic deal was made, I will accept it because it allows us to finally move on with the story and hopefully now we can focus on this new threat.

As for all of this relationship crap, can we PLEASE be done with it? I don’t care if Rick and Michonne hook up and become Richonne. I don’t care that Abraham is thinking about Sasha while he’s banging Rosita. And I really don’t care about Glenn and Maggie’s baby. It’s easily The Walking Dead’s biggest weakness. I get that people are going to hook up and what not but why do we have to watch it? There are so many better things happening in this post-apocalyptic world and this series does a terrible job of making us give a shit about love and marriage. So please no more lame ass relationships, show!

We’re down to the final five episodes and I think it’s finally time for shit to really hit the fan. I’ve been waiting for a bigger showdown since the cannibal story arc that ended way too fast and I think Negan and the Saviors are about to bring us the war of factions we so desperately want.

So what did everyone think of Knots Untie? Were you jumping for joy when we finally unlocked the map to Hilltop? Or are you bringing a spear to a gun fight and hoping for the best? Let us know in the comments and thanks for reading, fellow walkers. Also, be sure to check out the promo for Not Tomorrow Yet, where I can only hope Rick’s group finally comes across these Saviors.

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