Was there ever a Plan A? Honestly, stopping the Kinship with emotion was quite frankly the dumbest idea ever. But stopping the Kinship with physical pain paired with emotion…that’s definitely gotta work, right? If you answered “who the fuck knows”, then you would be absolutely correct because logic does not exist under this dome.
Plan B was all about hunting with the Kinship trying to locate Jorrie, Hunter and Big Jim, while Julia wandered off into the forest YET AGAIN, only to be tracked by her lost love, Barbie. It was an hour of television that I can only hope will fade from my memory, but sadly I no longer possess any brain cells that will allow me to repress this story from my mind.
Personally, I think Plan C should come into effect…the C obviously standing for Cancelled. It could also stand for Comedy because this episode had me laughing non-stop…and not in a good way.
Now everyone grab a gun and head off into the forest to find Julia for the 10,000th time and enjoy the recap of what was an absolutely ridiculous Plan B. Enjoy Domies!
Come Get It Bae
Our episode begins with Barbie and his new S.W.A.T. team making a home invasion on an abandoned house. So they obviously decide to torch the entire house just to be safe. Last time I checked though, they were under a dome so this doesn’t appear to be a very good idea. In the good version of Under the Dome (the book), this was a major no-no as carcinogens from the fire would be trapped inside the dome, suffocating everyone. Of course, this is the TV series of Under the Dome, where science and rational thought no longer apply.
Big Jim still has his trusty binoculars and sees this go down. He quickly reports back to his resistance who are hanging out at a funeral home. Appropriate since this show is dead to me.
Meanwhile, Christine is having random stomach pains but in reality she’s just a walking, talking home pregnancy test.
Looks like Eva is pregnant with Barbie’s child, aka the new Queen, and the amethyst glowing is somehow the reason we know this. Hold on while I facepalm myself. Eva tells Barbie about the pregnancy and Barbie is ecstatic! It looks like we’re going to have our first Dorphan! They celebrate with a kiss, but not before Barbie wonders how this is possible. I guess he was never given the ole talk about the birds and the bees.
Junior has the giant, purple amethyst under protection but Christine is still having stomach pains, possibly because Eva is pregnant, and she tells him she needs to see the Dome wall for no good reason whatsoever.
The resistance is still trying to decipher those blueprints that were drawn by an 8-year-old. Julia says it best when she notes that we’re all taking Caroline’s death pretty hard. Especially me. I am officially out of characters to make fun of but luckily this is Under the Dome and there was lots to laugh about.
They come to the conclusion that Christine is the only one that can interpret the blueprint. Like the rest of us, Norrie is still upset over Caroline’s death and she completely blames Christine for her death even though I’m 100% positive the reason she died was because of Big Jim’s explosives. Dome logic.
Big Jim returns from his spying session and, conveniently, Hunter finds a recording with Christine blabbing on about how Barbie and Eva are going to have a baby. Joe and Norrie are still trying to decipher the blueprints so Big Jim offers some great advice for our Millennials:
He sends them on a mission to the library and the writers are officially out of ideas. After sending the teens off to go read books, Big Jim does what he does best…
…and chugs a bottle of liquor in the middle of the day! I suppose if I was trapped under this particular dome, I’d be doing the same thing as it is likely the only solution to deal with all of the stupidity. Therefore, Big Jim is my favorite character since he knows the only way to deal with the idiocy under the dome is to drink himself stupid so he can fit in. And once he’s a little liquored up, he’s not afraid to speak his mind, especially to the guy in the chair:
Easily one of the best lines of the episode. Big Jim takes his bottle and has a chat with Julia who ends up providing the dumbest quote of the episode, and quite possibly, the series. Here it is and no, I am not capable of making this up: “Norrie just told me that after the explosion hurt Caroline, she became human again. What if physical pain suppresses the life force, allowing emotion to overcome it.” Really, show? That is your explanation? Dumbest reasoning ever.
Come On Barbie, Let’s Go Party
Meanwhile, Julia gets a message from Barbie on the walkie-talkie and he tells her how much he misses her but it’s all a set up because Eva is definitely in on this plan. Julia meets up with Barbie, pulls a gun on him, puts the gun away, hugs him and then drugs him. Yup, this actually happened.
Even a now drunk Big Jim was around for this, letting Julia know she would have made a great Dexter Morgan. Julia and Big Jim take Barbie to the cabin where Barbie murdered Julia’s husband. Aww, that was how Barbie and Julia fell in love! And all it took was a murder. Of course, this time around they plan on torturing Barbie…straight outta Chester’s Mill:
They give Barbie some electroshock therapy in order to suppress the life force in order to emotionalize Barbie but to no avail. And Barbie’s reaction is priceless because this is likely how everyone watching reacted.
Looks like torture paired up with emotion doesn’t work either. So Big Jim does what he normally does after drinking a 40 ouncer…he grabs a machine gun and points it at Barbie. I guess this is Plan B? Julia stops him from murdering Barbie, although if she had just let him I think Julia may have fallen in love with Big Jim since she’s totally into the whole murder thing.
As soon as Big Jim heads off, Julia starts questioning Barbie about his murdering ways. You’ll remember that murder is totally cool in Chester’s Mill ever since the dome came down so I’m not too sure why Julia is having a change of heart on the subject. After all, it was the murder of her husband that started her relationship with Barbie in the first place. And now, for some reason, Julia is all mad about her husband’s murder. Dumb diddily-dumb.
In a jealous rage, Julia starts electrocuting Barbie like a boss and, for some reason, still wants to be with him. This, obviously, snaps Barbie out of his trance but as it turns out, it didn’t do anything as Barbie starts throwing mad disses Julia’s way. And he’s completely right! Who hooks up with the guy that kills her husband anyway? Yup, real dialogue. And after Barbie makes fun of Julia for a solid 5-minutes, Julia decides it’s time to get some fresh air.
This provides Barbie with a window of opportunity to escape and that’s exactly what he does. Barbie and Julia get in a fight which seems pretty unfair until Indy the dog comes to the rescue.
Yup, the dog is still the best actor in this series! And Barbie is going to be in big trouble with PETA after doing this:
Not cool Barbie, not cool! Then, Julia, for some reason, grabs the gun and proceeds to run away, letting Barbie go. And I’m pretty sure all of us are sitting here thinking one thing: “well, that was pretty dumb.“
Of course, Julia heads back to her neck of the woods which is, in fact, the woods themselves. Not quite sure how she always ends up in the forest every week with someone going to look for her…but here we go again.
She even hid behind a tree again for the second week in a row! Amazing stuff, folks. Barbie finally catches up to her hours later because it’s now night so the hunt must have gone on for hours. More dome logic at its best! Then, the dumbest thing imaginable happens. Julia pulls a gun on Barbie but still doesn’t have the balls to kill her ex-husband’s murderer. Instead, she makes out with Barbie and all of a sudden he magically snaps out of his trance. Wait, WHAT!? The stupidity meter has just exploded and it looks like these two clowns are getting back together…for now.
After Big Jim’s speech about the power of reading, Joe and Norrie take off to the library and try to decipher those terribly drawn-up blueprints. Who goes to a library these days? When in Dome, I suppose…
Their visit is stopped short, however, when some random dude decides to attack Joe. They’re able to get away but Uncle Sam stops them from leaving just in the nick of time. Of course, Sam is not a part of the Kinship, even after all of Christine’s mind tricks and he helps the teens escape the library.
They head back to the funeral home where Hunter is being a computer nerd and lets the team know there is actually a very bad muppet in charge of Aktaion.
Yup, that’s right…it’s Gonzo! LOL, ok so it was really just some dude named Hektor Martin but Hunter did refer to him as a muppet so I like my version better. Joe and Sam then have a conversation about the blueprints and it literally made zero sense whatsoever. Joe also tells us what we’ve already known since forever…that the dome can only be brought down from the inside. This discovery obviously leads to Sam showing his true colors:
Yup, that’s right. Sam is all of a sudden a part of the Kinship and decides that the best murder weapon would be a mortar and pestle. Seriously, can our brains explode any more? The answer to that is a definite yes. Because Hunter, having a heart-to-heart with Norrie, let us all know that his junk still works when they realize that Joe has gone missing.
Meanwhile, Christine is still having mad stomach cramps now that the dome’s power source has been depleted. Christine has a chat with Junior about how her time as the queen is ending. She basically tells Junior that he’s supposed to be a man whore for some reason so Junior decides that he wants to get with some girl named Charlotte. I’m going to reiterate here that I can’t make this stuff up.
Also, Big Jim is going after Eva now that he’s drunk and has access to a large number of guns.
Christine and Eva are back together so Christine introduces Harriet, Eva’s new midwife, who you may remember from a previous season when the crisis of the week was giving birth.
After taking out some Kinship members, Big Jim makes an attempt to kill Eva but he can’t quite seem to make any progress, even after throwing her into a shelf.
Eva, however, is able to escape since screaming is easily the best way out of any situation on this show.
After easily escaping, we learn that Eva has some super human strength now for some reason and everyone seems to be ready for her to give birth, one day after getting pregnant. Yup, this makes no sense so let’s roll with it.
And after Eva escapes, Big Jim heads back to the funeral home to get more guns but it’s too late because Sam has already taken Joe and the Kinship has found where the Resistance is hiding. Looks like we’re going to war next week. I can only hope that Big Jim will get super drunk and blow up a truck full of propane again…which is 100% possible since this show loves to recycle everything.
So what did you think of Plan B? Was it a solid plan? Or is it time to move on to Plan C? Let us know in the comments.
Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES EVERYTHING ABOUT IT
This is clearly not getting any better. After the world ended, things looked like they were finally getting interesting until last week’s mess that showed us it was all an illusion. Now, with Julia snapping Barbie out of his trance and Sam rejoining the Kinship, this show has officially jumped the dome. Can it actually get any dumber than this, domies? I’d like to think not but this is the greatest comedy on television so I will rule nothing out.
At least Big Jim is on a roll with his one-liners and thug life attitude. Will they be able to stop the Kinship? How did Barbie come out of his trance? Did the kool-aid just wear off or did Julia actually have a role in this? Will Julia ever stop having a thing for murderers? Will Junior ever get to be with his new crush, Charlotte? How is lighting a ton of fires under a dome a smart thing to do? Will Hunter ever get laid now that he’s in a wheelchair? Is Indy alright after being kicked in the head by Barbie? Will real logic and real science ever return to Chester’s Mill? Stay tuned and find out next week…or don’t, no one would actually blame you. Check out the promo for Legacy below, where things are sure to get dumb and dumber with the second coming of who knows what. As always, thanks for reading Domies!