Saving The Worst For Last
This show will always have a special place in my dome-shaped heart. It was the first series I ever reviewed and that is pretty much the only reason it will ever be special because the series finale of Under the Dome, titled The Enemy Within, was quite possibly the absolute worst thing I have ever seen.
The summer of stupidity has finally come to an end. It has been quite a journey ever since the Dome came down on Chester’s Mill three years ago (or four weeks ago in Dome time). And we have seen it all…monarch butterflies taking over, dome-shaped eggs with pink stars falling in lines, vacation pods and healing cocoons, the world’s worst parent (Caroline, I miss you), the world’s worst sheriff (Linda, I miss you too), Joe losing his virginity, a shit ton of murder and, of course, dome logic! I will at least give this series credit for coming up with something that absolutely no one on this planet could have ever predicted. Certainly there is no place like Dome!
If your brain survived three summers of this, congratulations because you made it! The dome has officially been lifted, CBS has finally cancelled this nonsense and our brains can finally begin the healing process. Of course, the series finale explained absolutely nothing so if you came here looking for answers you will find none. Get ready for lots more murder, some really cool special effects and everyone’s favorite dog Indy and enjoy the last review of Under the Dome.
Our series finale begins with the new Queen of Domes, aka Eva with a new haircut, who is giving the Kinship a pre-war pep talk about stopping the dire threat that is Julia, Big Jim and the rest of the resistance. And off we go on an hour long walk of pure stupidity.
They all head off into the forest, obviously, and confront Julia and Barbie who are the easiest people to find. Apparently, they have named the new queen after a dish soap and the now-reigning Dawn finally gets to meet her father. Awww.
Meanwhile, Norrie’s all stressed about potentially being convicted for murder once the Dome comes down while Joe finishes up his plans to rid Chester’s Mill of the pesky Dome once and for all. If you’re wondering what Joe’s plan is exactly, you are not alone because this plan, if you want to call it that, makes absolutely no sense. In fact, Joe probably doesn’t even want the dome to come down because that means the end of dome sex for Jorrie.
Big Jim meets up with the two horny teens but they also end up in the hands of the Kinship and the entire resistance has now been thrown in prison, where most of them will be spending the rest of their lives once the Dome comes down so they might as well get used to it.
Barbie and Julia devise a plan in prison which obviously involves murdering Dawn since, as you know, murder is totally cool in Chester’s Mill. Barbie is still reluctant to do this because of the whole ‘she’s my daughter’ thing but he just doesn’t seem to get that Dawn is a freakin ALIEN! Luckily, Joe was able to convince Dawn to release everyone except Julia and Big Jim. Bad idea all around.
The greatest actor to ever grace this show, Indy the Dog, also returned to be reunited with Big Jim since that’s all Jimmy cares about these days. Big Jim was also a walking quote-dropping machine as he let’s Kyle the guard know that he better not have gotten any stupid on his dog (yes, that was a real quote). And because dome logic is still in full effect, Indy has a key to the prison attached to his collar for some idiotic reason that was never explained.
Indy to the rescue! Isn’t he the cutest damn dog ever! But cute can only get you so far because the dumbest thing ever happens right after. Julia does the WORST acting ever and runs to Kyle, telling him that Big Jim’s heart is acting up. She says it’s because of the heat but we all know it’s because they are on this show. Kyle falls for it because he is the dumbest person ever and Julia and Big Jim unlock the cell and away they go…probably back to the forest.
Dawn of the Planet of the Domes
Back at Kinship Headquarters (which is also the forest), Sam and Dawn are having a chat and Sam lets her know that Junior tried to murder a bunch of children and that the military has surrounded the Dome and they are screwed once the dome comes down. Unless, of course, they head through the cement factory tunnels which lead to the next town over because apparently that is a thing now.
Joe’s got his team back together which consists of his now murder-crazed girlfriend, a crippled computer geek and Lily Vanilli. Barbie, meanwhile, is helping his new daughter and Queen of Domes with the moving of those heavy amethyst rocks. They end up getting into your typical father-daughter argument which obviously leads to Eva murdering some random dude for not pulling his weight.
While this was happening, Sam ends up confronting Junior and the results were hilarious. Quite possibly some of the dumbest dialogue I have ever heard. Sam says that he left Junior at the lake “because Christine joined the Resistance and the Kinship was threatened.” Of course, Junior is pissed about this because he thinks Sam tried to take his place as the ‘alpha’, whatever that even means. Then Sam throws the whole attemped child murder thing in Junior’s face which results in this:
I literally could watch Junior doing that for hours, just hilarious stuff! Sam proceeds to throw dirt in Junior’s face because he fights dirty but in the end, Junior goes back to his murdering ways and impales Sam with an inanimate carbon rod.
And this is just the beginning of the killing. Did we really have any doubts? These people absolutely love murder. Speaking of murder, Big Jim is also reunited with his gun collection and liquor stash and heads are going to roll in Chester’s Mill because we all know that Big Jim + Booze + Guns = Murda.
Big Jim simply cannot devise a plan that doesn’t involve a massive amount of guns which is pure awesomeness. But Kyle the stupid guard shows up and threatens to murder Jimmy’s dog, which was obviously a terrible idea. And then we get a shout out to the book with that golden baseball which Jim then uses to bash in Kyle’s face. Never threaten a man’s best friend or you will die a horrible and painful death, especially in Chester’s Mill.
While I appreciated the use of the golden baseball, it was pretty lame in the end. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have just used this for Reverend Coggins death back in Season 1. Oh man, remember that time Coggins was trying to burn evidence but instead knocked his shitty fire over and literally burnt the entire house down. That was when the stupidity started…and it never stopped.
Coggins was so dumb. I miss him.
Joe Versus The Dome
Junior finally meets Dawn and she suggests that there will be a “new dome” but luckily for all of us, Under the Dome is cancelled which is probably for the better because I don’t think my brain could handle a ‘new dome’. Was that really what was going to happen if this disaster was renewed? Thankfully it wasn’t.
Now prepare yourselves because this series finale was the epitome of dumb in every way. You may need massive amounts of drugs and alcohol before reading on. I can make no promises that you will not go completely insane after reading the following sentences if you do so in a sober state. You have been warned.
You ready? I cannot even believe I am writing this but after Barbie and the Kinship set up those giant amethyst rocks in a circle, Eva explains that without the egg there was no way for the Dome to complete its cycle so they needed Joe to find a replacement for the egg. Oh, did I mention that as she is explaining this, she is whistling to the amethysts in order to light them up. So dumb.
And we’re not done yet. Joe observes that there are eight notes in that weird, creepy song they keep whistling but there are only seven amethysts. Apparently being able to do basic math makes you a genius in Chester’s Mill so good for Joe! And if you guessed that Norrie is the person who is responsible for whistling that eighth note, then you are a freakin’ genius because this made absolutely zero sense which is expected because this is Under the Dumb.
Of course, Joe is madly in love with Norrie now that she is a cold-blooded killer and refuses to let her whistle the last note. Naturally, this was all part of Dawn’s plan because she knew Joe would sacrifice himself for Norrie. Then a series of events took place that literally have ruined science, logic, rational thought, common sense and pretty much anything that has to do with the word ‘intelligent’ forever. First up, Joe starts practicing for American Idol by whistling while he twerks.
Some weird flashy stuff starts happening for absolutely no good reason and Barbie almost runs face first into it.
Then Norrie throws a massive hissy fit, either because she knows she is going to prison for murder when the dome disappears or because she is really upset over her career ending now that Under the Dome is cancelled.
Eva looks up to the sky, possibly to show off her new hair style to the Dome one last time.
A giant blast happens and poor Hunter gets thrown out of his wheelchair.
And finally, the Dome is disintegrated and disappears. The dome days are finally over and everyone in Chester’s Mill is about to spend a very long time in prison…or are they? Because apparently murder is totally cool outside of the dome on this show too.
R.I.P. Dome. You will not be missed. Also, R.I.P. Joe…at least you didn’t die a virgin.
Now that the Dome has finally been lifted, you would think the residents of Chester’s Mill would be concerned that they are going to be arrested for murder. But nope, we’re not done with murder just yet. Big Jim is about to snipe Dawn but Junior stops him. Obviously a father-son fight breaks out which leads to Big Jim finally murdering his own son. But before that, Indy the dog saves the day. It’s a good thing Jimmy went all-in on old Indy!
Damn that dog can act! I mean, look at how gracefully he jumped over Junior and saved the day. Man’s best friend indeed! This ultimately led to Jimmy finally murdering his only son.
Yup, Junior is dead and no one really cares. And now that the dome is gone with the wind, the military steps in and arrests everyone for murder…or at least we hope that is what they are doing, which they are clearly not because dome logic applies.
And for some reason, Barbie is now underground with Dawn, hanging out on a wooden plank that is high above some kind of pit. They are obviously practicing their jousting skills for American Gladiators.
Dawn attempts to play the “I’m your daughter” card but Barbie, who apparently has a thing against jousting, is having none of it and does the funniest thing ever:
I have no idea where this giant pit came from or why Dawn and Barbie were even down there. It made absolutely no sense to the point where we have no choice but to roll with it.
The Dome Days Are Over
Even with the Dome coming down, dome logic still applies and so Barbie is still alive because he somehow held on to a chain before falling to his death. And knowing that Barbie just murdered his own daughter, Julia is ecstatic since she’s totally into the whole murder thing. So naturally, they start making out until reality sets in to the fact that they are going to prison.
Of course the BEST possible ending would have been for all of these idiots to pay for there crimes but since this is Under the Dome, no one obviously cares that hundreds, if not thousands, of people were murdered at the hands of Barbie, Julia, Big Jim and Norrie.
We catch up with our domies a couple of days later and they’re all in military captivity. Barbie is chatting with some random military dude, let’s call him Ken, and he pretty much sums up the entire three seasons in one epically idiotic paragraph which I absolutely had to reproduce here: “Four weeks ago an impenetrable dome made of an unknown material suddenly appeared around Chester’s Mill. At first, you and the people of Chester’s Mill focused on how to survive after being cut off from the rest of the world with limited and diminishing resources made worse by ecological disasters that threatened the town almost daily. Then, of course, there was the human threat as well. Then, approximately 10 days ago you were cocooned and infected by an alien presence that called itself the Kinship. In fairly short order, the Kinship began to control the minds and bodies of the people of Chester’s Mill. Those who were not infected formed a resistance and had some success but ultimately had no choice but to aid the Kinship in building a device that brought down the dome.” Give this man a fucking award because that was hands down the best summary of three summer’s of stupidity that any one could possibly come up with. And if we had this description from day freaking ONE, none of us would have ever watched, I can pretty much guarantee you that.
Of course the story is so bat shit crazy that the military has no choice but to cover up everything and that was exactly what they did because no one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE, would ever believe these idiots.
And obviously there is no mention of anyone being charged with murder because that would actually make sense which this show does not. As long as they never speak of dome aliens again, they will be free from the confines of a state penitentiary. Seriously, show!? These people MURDERED hundreds of people but are free to go, just like that? My brain hurts.
But it also appears that Big Jim is the only smart one because he negotiates for some wicked compensation.
Look at how happy Jimmy is to finally be done with this show. And I still cannot believe they all got away with mass murder.
To wrap things up, we check in with our domies one year later and here are the highlights. First up, Lily…who no one should even care about…and Hunter who apparently work for the NSA now.
So really, Hunter is doing the exact same thing he was doing when he was under the dome!
Norrie has discovered that she really, really loved murder and has now joined the military so she can control her urge to murder people in a productive way.
Barbie and Julia are still together and Julia is still extremely useless, as can be seen here:
Oh, and this should surprise no one…Julia and Barbie are living in a forest.
She just loved the forest life so much when they were under the dome that they now live in one outside of the dome! Jarbie also decides to make it official and get married but let’s be honest, no one really cares about that.
There camping trip is interrupted when Big Jim and Indy show up and I have to admit, Jimmy is looking good.
He takes Jarbie back to his office where Hunter and Lily hang out now and in one of the dumbest twists of all time, Dawn is still alive probably due to the fact that she is NOT HUMAN!
Meanwhile, Norrie also has a new haircut but it looks absolutely terrible. Oh, and Joe is NOT dead. Apparently the military has been preserving the bodies so Norrie, missing the days when they could have casual sex against the dome whenever they wanted, promises Joe that she will get him out somehow. And they literally just left it at that so I guess we will never know if Joe gets out or not. Still, at least he’s not a virgin.
Last but not least, we catch up with Dawn who is now leading a group of children on an archaeological dig.
They end up finding something in the grass…something egg-shaped.
Yup, this is how Under the Dome ended…with a bunch of children finding yet another egg with pink stars inside. This would have came in handy back when they were under the dome and required an egg so the dome could complete its cycle. Yup, those were words that had no business ever getting together to form that previous sentence. So it looks like the dome days are not over and these dome aliens have some dumb plan to do it all over again…or something like that. Your guess is as good as mine as this finale explained absolutely nothing.
And that is all she wrote. The dome has been disbanded and I am deeply saddened by the loss of the world’s dumbest comedy. So guys, what did you think of the series finale of Under the Dome? Was it worth the three summer’s of stupidity? The answer is a definite nope.
Episode Score: MIKEY DISLIKES IT
Well that was simply the worst. I have never seen a series finale this bad in…well, ever! Under the Dome is officially Under the Done. It was a journey. I mean, think of all the awesome characters we got to make fun of over three seasons of stupidity. We cheered when Joe got laid. We got mad when Caroline disappeared and failed completely as a parent. We laughed when the Reverend accidentally burned down an entire house. We cried when Benny, everyone’s favorite stoner, was killed. We cheered some more when Linda got crushed against the Dome. We scratched our heads when Norrie turned into a serial murderer. We laughed some more when DJ Phil jumped into a pit of spikes. And we smiled as we watched Indy the dog’s career take off! This show literally had it all.
Of course the entire plot made no sense whatsoever and maybe that is a good thing since the overall theme of the show was murder. And to be quite honest, this is probably exactly what would have happened in real life anyways so I’m glad we got to roll with this over the last three summers.
With the Dome ending, I don’t know what to do with myself any more. Who will I make fun of now? Well, lots of recaps are coming for some of the best series on television including South Park, Survivor, The Leftovers, Fargo, The Walking Dead and, of course, American Horror Story: Hotel! So stay tuned and a big thank you to our loyal readers. I hope you all managed to survive with minimal brain damage after putting yourselves through this dome disaster for three straight summers! Thanks again to all of you domies, domettes and dorphans. It has been an absolute blast. May the Dome be with you.