The Walking Dead: ‘Rock In The Road’ Review

The Walking Dead 'Command and Conquer'

The Walking Dead returned with its traditional mid-season premiere and it looks like there is going to be a hell of a lot going on in the last half of the season. Rick has rounded up his best men and women, and they’re going around the region in an attempt to form alliances. It was all very Command and Conquer with the ultimate goal of taking out Negan and the Saviors. Everyone is on red alert with Daryl recently escaping and Rick and company formulating a plot to take out their most vicious enemy to date. If only they had one of those mammoth tanks, right?!

The Walking Dead and I have a love-love relationship…this show loves to leave me hanging with annoying cliffhangers while I love to make fun of the idiotic decisions some of our characters make along the way. It’s a relationship that simply works. Now let’s countdown the best, worst and stupidest moments from Rock in the Road.

1. Gregory is still a douche

It was established very early on that Gregory wants nothing to do with this war on the Saviors. It’s only a matter of time before this guy totally gets murdered but, before that happens, we should all enjoy his over-the-top reaction to the Alexandrian’s request.

"Rhetorical, okay"

If one thing remains clear, Gregory is definitely a mega douche and will hopefully be killed off sooner than later. In all likelihood, I can’t see him surviving the rest of the season and I don’t think most of the Hilltoppers do either, since they decided to completely ignore Gregory and fight with the Alexandrians. How’s that for rhetorical, eh Gregory!?

2. Father Gabriel has secrets and no one is surprised since he’s a priest

Once again, one of our characters decides to take off in the middle of the night and not tell anyone. This time it was Father Gabriel who decided to peace the fuck out and he took the entire food supply with him, obviously:

"It looks like Black Friday in here."

Will these morons ever learn how to communicate properly? The answer to that is a definite nope.

So is Father Gabriel a traitor? Or is he up to something useful for once? It’s impossible for us to know at this point but old Gabe did have some coordinates with him so let’s hope he has a plan. Who knows…maybe Gabriel is the reason Rick ends up smiling at the end of the episode? Either way, does anyone really care about Gabriel? Another nope.

3. Carol has become a hermit

With the introduction of Ezekiel’s pet tiger Shiva and Carol running off into the wilderness to become Mowgli, it’s becoming evident that The Walking Dead is now becoming The Jungle Book.

The Jungle Book

Okay, so maybe I did a bit of improvising here but clearly Carol has decided to go full-on HERMIT where she plans to live out the rest of her days in the surrounding forest. So where does this leave her when it comes to the war on the Saviors? Well…Benjamin, one of the members of the Kingdom, stumbles across (and almost shoots) Carol in the woods but now that Carol is being raised by a pack of jungle animals, she wants nothing to do with Rick, the Kingdom, Benjamin or anyone else for that matter. Obviously Carol is going to eventually get involved at some point but for now, she’s doing the wild thing out in the forest. I think it’s safe to say that we should stay tuned for more bad ass Carol even if she’s only worried about the bare necessities for now.

4. Morgan gets put on the spot

Ezekiel is clearly one of the most fucked up characters in Walking Dead history. Apparently, he thinks he’s in an episode of Game of Thrones and, who knows exactly why he feels the need to talk like he’s back in 14th century England. It’s all just really bizarre stuff! What say you?!

The King's Court

Jerry, the big guy in the red, is totally on point though! Ezekiel has appointed Morgan as his right hand man for the time being but the reality here is that Morgan doesn’t have anything to add to the conversation, otherwise he would have put up his hand. His reaction was priceless when Ezekiel asks him for his thoughts on the matter, reminding me of those moments when your teacher decides to single you out in class, even though you didn’t raise your hand or even have a clue as to what the hell was going on:

"Me?"

At the end of the day though, The Kingdom decides to tell Rick and friends to go fuck themselves. They have no interest in helping after whatever happened to them previously–which apparently involved people having their limbs chopped off. Not even Rick’s dumb story about a rock in a road was going to be enough to convince Ezekiel. I suppose we can try to understand why the so-called King rejects the alliance but at least Daryl is staying back at the Kingdom to help persuade his majesty. Plus, Richard really hates the Saviors so he’ll likely also help convince the Screen Actors Guild to drop the act and go to war. Sadly, those horses will never get to live out their dreams. Giddy up!

"So much for the Kentucky Derby!"

5. The Ultimate Clothesline

This was surprisingly awesome! I totally thought the writers were running out of ideas up until Rick and Michonne connected a wire to two cars and used it as an extreme WWE clothesline to take care of the giant pack of walkers that were headed their way.

The Ultimate Clothesline

I have to admit, this was fucking EPIC! Of course, this would have been a lot better had Rick and Michonne actually thought about how they were going to get away from the rest of the herd of walkers.

Sometimes it just baffles my mind how these characters can do something so amazing and then follow it up by almost getting eaten by the remaining walkers. They had all sorts of fucking time…just look at how far back the walkers are once the vehicles came to a complete stop:

Probably should have thought out the end game

Also, why not try reverse? COME ON! If they want Rick as their leader, that’s all fine and good but I think I probably would have went the way of Spencer because Rick is a fucking idiot. I mean, I still can’t get over how much of a head start they had on these walkers and still ended up getting swarmed before finally escaping. Shane totally wouldn’t have let that happen–just sayin’!

6. Simon Says Go Fuck Yourself

The Saviors made a return visit to Alexandria. This time Simon comes strollin’ in and they’re in hot pursuit of Daryl, who managed to escape the Sanctuary. Simon notes that Rick’s group is fresh out of food in their high-tech storage facility and looks like a total fool while doing so:

Simon Says "Awww"

The Saviors decide their best move is to trash the entire town while searching for Daryl but, as we already know, Daryl is kickin’ back at the Kingdom where he is no doubt hanging out with Shiva the Tiger. If only Simon was smart enough to realize that Rick and his gang found a shit ton of dynamite on their travels. I’m definitely predicting Simon will go kablooey before the season wraps up. Basically, the Saviors are about to become the Atlanta Falcons of The Walking Dead. An epic collapse awaits us all.

7. Rick’s Dumb Smile

So am I the only one who thinks Rick has completely lost his fucking mind ever since Lori died. I mean, ever since Rick was seen making out with nothing but the air, it became clear to me that he was bat shit crazy. Despite Rick, the ending of the premiere was very satisfying given that we were introduced to a brand new faction. Normally, I’d complain that this show consistently leaves us hanging just to be a dick but, in this case, it works. I’m all smiles…just like crazy Rick.

Rick smiles like madman

So who is this new faction and will they help Rick and his gang? The answer is probably yes. If these dudes are hostile, then Rick and company are pretty much fucked so chances are the Alexandrians are in good company. And just what in the hell was Rick smiling about? Is someone we know already part of this new crew?

We’ll find out next week so be sure to check out the preview below! Thanks for reading, fellow walkers!